So I'm part of a monthly Journaling Group through SisterSpirit. SS is a local nonprofit whose focus is on providing safe space for women to practice their personal spirituality, with an emphasis on Paganism. And they offer a lot of donation-based monthly workshops.
So the one I'm personally most at home in is the Journaling Workshop. We usually have a set theme for so many months in a row, and then a new set theme. Our last theme was so amazing and powerful-- we journaled our way through the seven primary chakras. Now, we are creating our own Tarot decks. For me, these two topics have become entwined in a really wonderful way.
I find myself working more and more with the concepts of Chakra energies in the body. And while my special Tarot Deck, the Medicine Woman Cards, are truly a gift to work with... There are more symbols that hold various personal meanings to me. And I wanted to find a way to access those symbols as I do the messages in the Tarot. So I started by making lists of symbols I find important in my spiritual journey-- symbols found either in my reading and research into various existing sets of symbols (like the Trees or the Chakras), or in my personal life story.
And I promptly got very overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the list. Our world is FULL of meaningful symbology. So I decided to start with something simple and central. I decided to start with the Chakras. With the first Chakra-- Root Chakra. I made two cards that to me hold so much power and meaning that they have become precious and beautiful. Then I bogged down. And right about that time, SS Journaling took up the "make your own Tarot Deck" mission. I got inspired all over again. And I've done the preliminary work on any number of cards since then. I'm not done, either. There are a lot of workshops left to Journal my way through, and I'm staying open to inspiration as those meetings of spirit and pen emerge.
What I find is that the cards I've made that I am most drawn to-- their power and their intuitive meaning-- are the ones most specifically geared to my personal awareness of symbols in my life. For example, I find Universal Wisdom most clearly represented in two forms-- the Guide in the Forest, and the Wise Old Fish. And I've combined those two forms over a background of stars. I just love that card. I could spend a long time sitting and meditating on Universal Wisdom, with that card in my hand as a focal point.
There are other cards that hold a more general meaning-- the symbols are ones easily identified by more than just me. For example, I have an intricate glittery silver fabric, and inset over it is a moon with horns and wings. The Goddess, in a somewhat traditional form. Silver. The Moon. Wings. Cow Horns. And while I think it's important to have a Goddess card in my deck... I am not particularly drawn to the one I've created.
I may need to try again. To look with a more specific eye to my personal intuitive and internal representations of the concept of Goddess. A fiery mountain, a woman standing with her feet in the water, a lit candle, a windy night. A sense of Her strong will and Her power-- filtered by Her love for all living things, and the elements that are Her tools.
Maybe that would draw me to contemplation of deeper things like the fish and the trees. Maybe She is already sprinkled throughout other meaningful cards in my deck. The footprint in the ocean. The heart-shaped leaves on a bed of menstrual blood. The hearth fire of Hestia, the apple and the carafe of herbs, marked with a star for healing.
And with this energy and strength to CREATE flowing through me so strongly, it is harder still to buckle down to my work of applying for mundane paying day jobs. Jobs I need in order to keep body and soul together. Sigh. It is so tempting to live fully in the light of Spirit, and forget the shadow of the Mountain in whose caves grain must be stored for the winter.
In fact, I've tapped so strongly into my creative strength of late that I dream of being pregnant. Of creating something vital and dependent on me for its health and well-being in the world-- something physical and precious. An embodiment of what I have to give the world that is good. But the day job has not emerged, even while the life work has been clear for months. And so I dream over and over of being pregnant, and of lacking the resources and the strength to take charge of my (and my baby's) destiny.
In every dream, I am never the one who drives my car. I am too busy trying to make safe spaces in the car for the baby that represents my pregnant potential, and for any other living being in the car who is dependent on me for their safety-- and I lose my chance to be the one driving and determining where we will all end up. Me and my creativity and my life work. Maybe it is time I trust it to take care of itself, while I take charge of my own car, and drive directly and sturdily to where I really want to go. I'm tired of being forced (by my fear of failure to birth/protect this wondrous thing I hold inside) to take a back seat in my own life.
Showing posts with label Personal Responsibility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal Responsibility. Show all posts
Sunday
Growing Up Good
I copied this post from the link below. I'm reposting it here because it gives me so much hope. (Much-needed hope!)
http://community.livejournal.com/library_mofo/1175117.html
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Non-mofo award
I've been meaning to mention this one for a while, but...
To the two-year-old twin girls who come in with their mom, so well-behaved, and clean up the children's area when they're finished playing, and always push in the chairs, and wait until we're done with the patron on the computer before showing us that wonderful book they found this time, that they're so excited about getting to read... Thank you. May you grow up just as wonderful as you are when you visit us...and just as generous.
We actually have a whole bunch of awesome little kids at work, but these two really take the cake. They came toddling in one day with their mom, nearly bouncing, and came up to return their books, and handed us a bag. Inside was the majority of their joint sticker collection. One of the things we've had to cut back on is fun kid-stuff, like coloring/activity pages, and the stickers the kids get at the end of their visit, at checkout. These two little girls visit with their mom regularly, and always ask for a sticker, like the other little ones...so they donated their sticker collection from birthdays and other presents so that everyone could still get one, when they come to the library.
http://community.livejournal.com/library_mofo/1175117.html
-------
Non-mofo award
I've been meaning to mention this one for a while, but...
To the two-year-old twin girls who come in with their mom, so well-behaved, and clean up the children's area when they're finished playing, and always push in the chairs, and wait until we're done with the patron on the computer before showing us that wonderful book they found this time, that they're so excited about getting to read... Thank you. May you grow up just as wonderful as you are when you visit us...and just as generous.
We actually have a whole bunch of awesome little kids at work, but these two really take the cake. They came toddling in one day with their mom, nearly bouncing, and came up to return their books, and handed us a bag. Inside was the majority of their joint sticker collection. One of the things we've had to cut back on is fun kid-stuff, like coloring/activity pages, and the stickers the kids get at the end of their visit, at checkout. These two little girls visit with their mom regularly, and always ask for a sticker, like the other little ones...so they donated their sticker collection from birthdays and other presents so that everyone could still get one, when they come to the library.
Monday
Windburn in Autumn
Life got busy. I thought it was busy when I spent all my time applying for jobs and writing my book and working part-time as a Life Coach and keeping up with friends and practicing my pagan skills and working on my other projects. But it wasn't.
For the past two weeks (and this is a happy thing), I've worked six days a week. Four at the Farm, and two half-days as a nanny for this huge chunky four-month-old-baby with a lady-killer smile. Next week, I get to focus more on the Farm. (Which, really, is more about the Foundation that is working to preserve the Farm, and a lot about Education, come to that. I may even eventually get to do the job I was originally hired for, and preserve/digitize/catalog something. You never know.)
And it is SUCH a freakin awesome place to work! We have free-range wild ducks that are huge and black with red and blue and white bits here and there-- and they have little fuzzy yellow babies!! We have three grey barn kittens who keep sneaking into the house and onto peoples' laps when they aren't looking, and one old black Tom who lives by the kitchen stove and was totally offended when the kittens arrived. We have apple trees and pear trees and zucchinis the size of small sports cars. Lots of friendly male goats who come when called ("hhheeeeerrrr goat-goat-goat, hhheeeeeerrrr goat-goat-goat!") and really want you to rub behind their ears, and three dappled white Davenport-Arabian horses that all want to make sure they get some of whatever you're handing out.
We have school children learning to make butter and listening to the story of Florinda Geer who traveled the Oregon Trail with her parents when she was eight years old, and then planted a tree on her parents' land-grant farm in 1856 that is still standing and growing on that same farm today. Look, there it is. We have farm-fresh dairy cheese made with a long-lost recipe from very old hillside cave dairy farms in Switzerland. We have an archive with over 165 years of family history, letters, tintype photos, and furniture from that trip over the Oregon Trail in 1846.
What we don't have is money to keep everything going. We're still working on that bit.
Oh, and we offer farm visits and tours.
Check us out at www.geercrestfarm.com.
Can I just TELL you how much I love wearing jeans to work?!
Anyway, four days working like crazy at the farm with long 45-mile drives to get there and back, plus working part time as an Empathic Life Coach, plus writing my book and keeping up with friends and working as the Moderator for Natural Medicine on an online information distribution website called Factoidz, and carving out time to spend with my boyfriend (I seriously never thought I'd date again, but this man is worth it!) and making time to honor the changing seasons and glorious full moons and and and-- Well it's a heck of a lot busier than I was before. And I love everything I'm doing. I just don't get much sleep. And the days are flying by so quickly anymore, I keep checking my face for windburn.
For the past two weeks (and this is a happy thing), I've worked six days a week. Four at the Farm, and two half-days as a nanny for this huge chunky four-month-old-baby with a lady-killer smile. Next week, I get to focus more on the Farm. (Which, really, is more about the Foundation that is working to preserve the Farm, and a lot about Education, come to that. I may even eventually get to do the job I was originally hired for, and preserve/digitize/catalog something. You never know.)
And it is SUCH a freakin awesome place to work! We have free-range wild ducks that are huge and black with red and blue and white bits here and there-- and they have little fuzzy yellow babies!! We have three grey barn kittens who keep sneaking into the house and onto peoples' laps when they aren't looking, and one old black Tom who lives by the kitchen stove and was totally offended when the kittens arrived. We have apple trees and pear trees and zucchinis the size of small sports cars. Lots of friendly male goats who come when called ("hhheeeeerrrr goat-goat-goat, hhheeeeeerrrr goat-goat-goat!") and really want you to rub behind their ears, and three dappled white Davenport-Arabian horses that all want to make sure they get some of whatever you're handing out.
We have school children learning to make butter and listening to the story of Florinda Geer who traveled the Oregon Trail with her parents when she was eight years old, and then planted a tree on her parents' land-grant farm in 1856 that is still standing and growing on that same farm today. Look, there it is. We have farm-fresh dairy cheese made with a long-lost recipe from very old hillside cave dairy farms in Switzerland. We have an archive with over 165 years of family history, letters, tintype photos, and furniture from that trip over the Oregon Trail in 1846.
What we don't have is money to keep everything going. We're still working on that bit.
Oh, and we offer farm visits and tours.
Check us out at www.geercrestfarm.com.
Can I just TELL you how much I love wearing jeans to work?!
Anyway, four days working like crazy at the farm with long 45-mile drives to get there and back, plus working part time as an Empathic Life Coach, plus writing my book and keeping up with friends and working as the Moderator for Natural Medicine on an online information distribution website called Factoidz, and carving out time to spend with my boyfriend (I seriously never thought I'd date again, but this man is worth it!) and making time to honor the changing seasons and glorious full moons and and and-- Well it's a heck of a lot busier than I was before. And I love everything I'm doing. I just don't get much sleep. And the days are flying by so quickly anymore, I keep checking my face for windburn.
Admittance
It has taken me several years of hard work to be able to identify my emotions. I had emotions, and I expressed emotions (usually, the ones that got expressed were what I thought I was SUPPOSED to be feeling)... but I had become so focused on figuring out the emotional needs of the people around me that I actually lost track of my own.
Anger was one of the hardest emotions. To recognize that a behavior or situation made me angry was to put my own needs first, and I loved the people I was with too much to do that. It took a lot of hard work for me to realize that I HAVE to put myself first-- I MUST respect myself and my needs-- because if I don't, NOBODY ELSE WILL EITHER. It was a painful lesson, and a long time coming.
Often now, I take an hour or so at the end of a conversation to re-evaluate what was said, and really check in with how I feel about it, and about what was or was not done before and after the conversation. Conversations become a two-part process, wherein I check back with the person I was talking to, and clarify any reactions that I've had since we talked.
I know now that I cannot actually control my emotions-- and that suppressing them is bad for my health and for my relationships. I know that what I CAN control is how I act in a given situation, or as a result of how I feel. I don't have to act out every emotion I have-- and I can find healthy respectful ways to share how I'm feeling-- or to release the emotions privately.
I'm getting better at admitting it when something does make me mad. I realize that usually, there's a very good reason for me to feel that way. And out of respect for and love of myself, I deserve better than that. It's not that I ignore or discount the needs and feelings of the people around me--far from it. Instead, I recognize that life is about change, and about working with others as a community-- for the greatest good. For the good of the whole-- including me.
Life energy-- Goddess Energy-- flows through us all. To disrespect or disregard ourselves is to dis Her. Take responsibility for yourself-- your actions, your reactions, how you interact with other people and with the Earth, AND take responsibility for your needs. It is up to you to satisfy them.
Anger was one of the hardest emotions. To recognize that a behavior or situation made me angry was to put my own needs first, and I loved the people I was with too much to do that. It took a lot of hard work for me to realize that I HAVE to put myself first-- I MUST respect myself and my needs-- because if I don't, NOBODY ELSE WILL EITHER. It was a painful lesson, and a long time coming.
Often now, I take an hour or so at the end of a conversation to re-evaluate what was said, and really check in with how I feel about it, and about what was or was not done before and after the conversation. Conversations become a two-part process, wherein I check back with the person I was talking to, and clarify any reactions that I've had since we talked.
I know now that I cannot actually control my emotions-- and that suppressing them is bad for my health and for my relationships. I know that what I CAN control is how I act in a given situation, or as a result of how I feel. I don't have to act out every emotion I have-- and I can find healthy respectful ways to share how I'm feeling-- or to release the emotions privately.
I'm getting better at admitting it when something does make me mad. I realize that usually, there's a very good reason for me to feel that way. And out of respect for and love of myself, I deserve better than that. It's not that I ignore or discount the needs and feelings of the people around me--far from it. Instead, I recognize that life is about change, and about working with others as a community-- for the greatest good. For the good of the whole-- including me.
Life energy-- Goddess Energy-- flows through us all. To disrespect or disregard ourselves is to dis Her. Take responsibility for yourself-- your actions, your reactions, how you interact with other people and with the Earth, AND take responsibility for your needs. It is up to you to satisfy them.
Tuesday
Finding Time
This is actually a post about Yoga. Or maybe it's about what I think it means to honor the Goddess with my life. Maybe I'm just talking about how hard it is to take time out of my day for me... and how I connect that with being female in this time and place. Maybe it's something else all together. As I wrote it, the post just kept getting longer and longer... I think I'm worried that I didn't share this lesson well enough, or that I'm talking to people who only exist in my head... I'm worried that I will sound pitiful, or worse-- preachy... I sometimes think that we, as women, often have too hard a time recognizing our own wisdom and our own worth... So I'm not going to cut this one down to a more manageable size. I think it's important. Whatever it is.
See, there's this list of "someday" goals in my head. The ones I never do find time to commit to-- ones that don't put food on the table, a roof over my head, and don't benefit anyone but me. This is where I keep my desires like spending a whole week at a bed-and-breakfast on the beach, instead of using my vacation time and money on a trip to Michigan with my family every year... The list that has my wish to learn how to make bread-- good old hearty nutty flavorful bread. My desire for a gym membership ended up on this list, too. With a limited income, a weekly lunch with the people I love is just more important, for the price. And I still haven't found energy or supplies to build that Navajo Loom I want to play with-- nor research what kind of string I'd need to warp it with. Come to think of it-- when would I have time?
I'm not willing to give up my sleep-- the whole "get up 30 minutes earlier" plan just sounds like a way to substitute one healthy thing for another when I hear it. Less sleep, but more exercise... is that really helping me? Or less sleep but more time to write, more time to meditate, more time for a walk every day, more time to fix a healthy lunch before I go to work-- Suddenly I wonder if I shouldn't just be staying up all night to find the extra time I want for ALL the things I want to enjoy in my day!
So I'm not going to give up sleep to improve my life. That's an oxymoron waiting to happen. But I do want to include more good stuff in the time that I'm awake (and fewer morons). Maybe I don't need as much time checking email before I start my day. Maybe I don't need as much time watching movies to unwind at night before bed. Maybe I need to start out slowly. Maybe I already have.
I found a book on Yoga-- it has a 5-minute routine in it. And once I made time for five minutes of yoga in my morning prep... it wasn't so hard to move up to the 15-minute version the book also offers. Heck! I might eventually work my way up to the 90-minute yoga routine the book includes before the year is gone! And I found a book called Gardener's Yoga, by Veronica D'Orazio (Sasquatch Books, 2006).
The book is split into three sections. The first section is a preparation for working the earth, and coincidentally contains about ten minutes of "getting started" Yoga poses. The second section is another ten minutes of Yoga, this time geared toward stretching out the kinks that come from all that weeding and squatting down. The last ten minute section is for the end of the day, to help your body relax after hard work. I love how well the poses flow into one another, and I love how well they are integrated into the seasons and the phases of the garden.
I've realized that the hard part about taking care of me has always been getting started. I've had trouble committing myself to spending large chunks of my time doing selfish things. And in my head, I thought of the things I want to do just for me-- like Yoga and writing and meditating and weaving... I've thought of them as a selfish way to spend my time. But on the days I do them, I'm a better worker at my day job, and I grow stronger as a person. I feel healthy, and I have more patience with the world. So for now, I may only spend ten minutes doing Yoga in the morning, but I'm learning to feel good about that. I see it as a foundation for more good things to grow from. I'm learning that taking good care of me has a good impact on the people around me, too. It's not wrong to love and care for myself. In fact, nobody else can do it better.
Even better, I've learned that there are specific poses in Yoga that are meant to unblock and open a body's Chakras-- and I'm incorporating some of the poses for stimulating the First Chakra into my routine. Maybe I didn't have to find the time so much as I had to convince myself that I am worth spending quality time on. ...And that I don't have to start doing it all at once. I certainly didn't learn that one from my mother, or my ex-husband. In fact, most women I know have a very hard time (there's that word again!!) doing things for themselves in a consistent way. There's always something more important they could be doing. But here's the challenge-- if YOU don't think you're important, nobody else will either. And that is wrong. You are important. Worth doing good things for.
I don't mean the extra chocolate bar when you've had a bad day... (well, not JUST that!) I mean that 20 minutes of uninterrupted meditation in a quiet room every night so you can sleep comfortably. I mean that hour on the phone with your family or your best friend who moved away five years ago-- every weekend, without trying to multi-task while you talk. I mean the five minutes you spend standing still to enjoy the beauty of a tree, and just BREATHE for a minute, as you rush between buildings, meetings, and soccer practice every afternoon. I mean that 10 minutes I'm spending on my Yoga every morning before work, and the effort it takes to keep a clean spot on the floor big enough to do it in. I mean refusing to stay up that extra half an hour at night to get everyone else ready for the next day-- while they sleep.
Somehow, we've learned that the job must be done right, and we're the only ones who can do the job that way. Somehow, we've agreed to take on the responsibility for the success or failure of every dream our family (even our society) has-- without including our dreams on the list. We take the leftovers. We take the hand-me-down computer. We don't ask for someone to do their share of the chores-- we ask them to help us out a little with the chores we do. We make the kids' lunch and work a 60 hour week. We scrimp and save our pennies so someone else can have their heart's desire. Someone who already spent their pennies on something frivolous and fun.
I don't mean to dishonor our sacrifices, and I know this isn't everyone's reality. I actually hold a great respect for the importance of compassion, of love. But that's just it. Compassion, Love, long-term planning, Sharing and Giving are IMPORTANT, and WORTHY OF RESPECT. And another thing I've learned-- from my own life and from watching those I love-- is that if we continue to give and give without ever replenishing ourselves, we burn out, and we eventually have nothing left to give to anyone.
So-- please-- make a difference in your own quality of life, long-term. Like ten minutes of Yoga before breakfast, or ten minutes of solitude before bed. Now that I've learned how to find the time, I am determined not to lose it again. I want to enjoy my life. I want to experience abundance so that I can share it whole-heartedly, without running dry. I want to honor the Goddess by honoring myself, and the women around me. I'm worth it. She's worth it. You're worth it. Slow down, and give yourself time to recharge.
I am doing my best to honor my Goddess, the Great Spirit, with my life. I want to be my best self while I do it, and that means loving myself just as much as I love everyone else. That means it's okay to put my own needs first. To ensure that I have the strength and endurance to be there when others need me. It's okay to teach by my example that compassion and respect belong to everyone, not just an exclusive few.
So... What will you find time for today?... what about tomorrow?
See, there's this list of "someday" goals in my head. The ones I never do find time to commit to-- ones that don't put food on the table, a roof over my head, and don't benefit anyone but me. This is where I keep my desires like spending a whole week at a bed-and-breakfast on the beach, instead of using my vacation time and money on a trip to Michigan with my family every year... The list that has my wish to learn how to make bread-- good old hearty nutty flavorful bread. My desire for a gym membership ended up on this list, too. With a limited income, a weekly lunch with the people I love is just more important, for the price. And I still haven't found energy or supplies to build that Navajo Loom I want to play with-- nor research what kind of string I'd need to warp it with. Come to think of it-- when would I have time?
I'm not willing to give up my sleep-- the whole "get up 30 minutes earlier" plan just sounds like a way to substitute one healthy thing for another when I hear it. Less sleep, but more exercise... is that really helping me? Or less sleep but more time to write, more time to meditate, more time for a walk every day, more time to fix a healthy lunch before I go to work-- Suddenly I wonder if I shouldn't just be staying up all night to find the extra time I want for ALL the things I want to enjoy in my day!
So I'm not going to give up sleep to improve my life. That's an oxymoron waiting to happen. But I do want to include more good stuff in the time that I'm awake (and fewer morons). Maybe I don't need as much time checking email before I start my day. Maybe I don't need as much time watching movies to unwind at night before bed. Maybe I need to start out slowly. Maybe I already have.
I found a book on Yoga-- it has a 5-minute routine in it. And once I made time for five minutes of yoga in my morning prep... it wasn't so hard to move up to the 15-minute version the book also offers. Heck! I might eventually work my way up to the 90-minute yoga routine the book includes before the year is gone! And I found a book called Gardener's Yoga, by Veronica D'Orazio (Sasquatch Books, 2006).
The book is split into three sections. The first section is a preparation for working the earth, and coincidentally contains about ten minutes of "getting started" Yoga poses. The second section is another ten minutes of Yoga, this time geared toward stretching out the kinks that come from all that weeding and squatting down. The last ten minute section is for the end of the day, to help your body relax after hard work. I love how well the poses flow into one another, and I love how well they are integrated into the seasons and the phases of the garden.
I've realized that the hard part about taking care of me has always been getting started. I've had trouble committing myself to spending large chunks of my time doing selfish things. And in my head, I thought of the things I want to do just for me-- like Yoga and writing and meditating and weaving... I've thought of them as a selfish way to spend my time. But on the days I do them, I'm a better worker at my day job, and I grow stronger as a person. I feel healthy, and I have more patience with the world. So for now, I may only spend ten minutes doing Yoga in the morning, but I'm learning to feel good about that. I see it as a foundation for more good things to grow from. I'm learning that taking good care of me has a good impact on the people around me, too. It's not wrong to love and care for myself. In fact, nobody else can do it better.
Even better, I've learned that there are specific poses in Yoga that are meant to unblock and open a body's Chakras-- and I'm incorporating some of the poses for stimulating the First Chakra into my routine. Maybe I didn't have to find the time so much as I had to convince myself that I am worth spending quality time on. ...And that I don't have to start doing it all at once. I certainly didn't learn that one from my mother, or my ex-husband. In fact, most women I know have a very hard time (there's that word again!!) doing things for themselves in a consistent way. There's always something more important they could be doing. But here's the challenge-- if YOU don't think you're important, nobody else will either. And that is wrong. You are important. Worth doing good things for.
I don't mean the extra chocolate bar when you've had a bad day... (well, not JUST that!) I mean that 20 minutes of uninterrupted meditation in a quiet room every night so you can sleep comfortably. I mean that hour on the phone with your family or your best friend who moved away five years ago-- every weekend, without trying to multi-task while you talk. I mean the five minutes you spend standing still to enjoy the beauty of a tree, and just BREATHE for a minute, as you rush between buildings, meetings, and soccer practice every afternoon. I mean that 10 minutes I'm spending on my Yoga every morning before work, and the effort it takes to keep a clean spot on the floor big enough to do it in. I mean refusing to stay up that extra half an hour at night to get everyone else ready for the next day-- while they sleep.
Somehow, we've learned that the job must be done right, and we're the only ones who can do the job that way. Somehow, we've agreed to take on the responsibility for the success or failure of every dream our family (even our society) has-- without including our dreams on the list. We take the leftovers. We take the hand-me-down computer. We don't ask for someone to do their share of the chores-- we ask them to help us out a little with the chores we do. We make the kids' lunch and work a 60 hour week. We scrimp and save our pennies so someone else can have their heart's desire. Someone who already spent their pennies on something frivolous and fun.
I don't mean to dishonor our sacrifices, and I know this isn't everyone's reality. I actually hold a great respect for the importance of compassion, of love. But that's just it. Compassion, Love, long-term planning, Sharing and Giving are IMPORTANT, and WORTHY OF RESPECT. And another thing I've learned-- from my own life and from watching those I love-- is that if we continue to give and give without ever replenishing ourselves, we burn out, and we eventually have nothing left to give to anyone.
So-- please-- make a difference in your own quality of life, long-term. Like ten minutes of Yoga before breakfast, or ten minutes of solitude before bed. Now that I've learned how to find the time, I am determined not to lose it again. I want to enjoy my life. I want to experience abundance so that I can share it whole-heartedly, without running dry. I want to honor the Goddess by honoring myself, and the women around me. I'm worth it. She's worth it. You're worth it. Slow down, and give yourself time to recharge.
I am doing my best to honor my Goddess, the Great Spirit, with my life. I want to be my best self while I do it, and that means loving myself just as much as I love everyone else. That means it's okay to put my own needs first. To ensure that I have the strength and endurance to be there when others need me. It's okay to teach by my example that compassion and respect belong to everyone, not just an exclusive few.
So... What will you find time for today?... what about tomorrow?
Wednesday
Fighting for Equality
So... nobody tells men under what circumstances they can use viagra, pay for sex, make family decisions, career decisions, etc... People assume that most of the time, men make the best decisions they can for themselves in any given situation.
But with women, it's a bit different. People often seem to think that a woman, given the choice, would not make such great decisions for herself. That she might panic or do something rash and stupid just for money or take advantage of services offered to help people in bad situations. (Take advantage as in "use inappropriately," not as in "these services are HERE FOR PEOPLE IN HER SITUATION.")
... Take Roe v. Wade, for example. Women had to go to court-- repeatedly-- to get the right to decide if it is a good personal choice for them to have a baby or not. And to get appropriate medical help, legally. And even today, that right to decide for herself is being eroded and contended. Many people believe that a woman is not equally important as a child or a man, not equally as capable of making the best decisions she can for herself in any given situation, and that she shouldn't have the right to make her own choices about her life path. That somehow, her life can be sacrificed for others' desires.
(Here's my personal rant: If you don't think someone should think for themselves, then you must think they are incapable of intelligent thought, or that they are inherently predisposed to make bad decisions. Just because they are born female?? As women, we were once seen as spiritual, social, and political leaders in our families and communities. As women, our intelligence, clarity of thought, and ability to capably care for large groups of people was unquestioned-- for over 20,000 years, according to some interpretations of archaeological record. Men have actually only been the "superior race" culturally for about 4,000 years throughout most of the world. So if you look at it that way, they have only 1/5 the experience in leadership and decision-making that we women do. ...and they probably don't want to give it up. Although records also show that during the time women were in charge, society was based on the good of the whole, and not just "what's best for me" as it is today... just a thought.)
And often, the best decision a woman makes is that she will keep her baby. And that's great. It should be her right to make that decision as much as any other. But if she knows the baby will grow up in squalor, without love, without food or clothes or a safe place to sleep or be born addicted to drugs... If she knows the best thing she can do for herself and her pregnancy is to not become responsible for another person... she should have the right to make that decision, too. It's her body, it's her responsibility, it's her choice. And I, for one, generally believe that a woman is wonderfully capable of making the best decisions she can for herself in any given situation.
Today just happens to be the day that Roe v. Wade was decided. So, believing in the Goddess and believing that women are intelligent, capable, wise and wonderful-- I celebrate the few victories we women have, where someone in power actually agreed with me on these points, and gave her the right to choose what she does with her own body.
But with women, it's a bit different. People often seem to think that a woman, given the choice, would not make such great decisions for herself. That she might panic or do something rash and stupid just for money or take advantage of services offered to help people in bad situations. (Take advantage as in "use inappropriately," not as in "these services are HERE FOR PEOPLE IN HER SITUATION.")
... Take Roe v. Wade, for example. Women had to go to court-- repeatedly-- to get the right to decide if it is a good personal choice for them to have a baby or not. And to get appropriate medical help, legally. And even today, that right to decide for herself is being eroded and contended. Many people believe that a woman is not equally important as a child or a man, not equally as capable of making the best decisions she can for herself in any given situation, and that she shouldn't have the right to make her own choices about her life path. That somehow, her life can be sacrificed for others' desires.
(Here's my personal rant: If you don't think someone should think for themselves, then you must think they are incapable of intelligent thought, or that they are inherently predisposed to make bad decisions. Just because they are born female?? As women, we were once seen as spiritual, social, and political leaders in our families and communities. As women, our intelligence, clarity of thought, and ability to capably care for large groups of people was unquestioned-- for over 20,000 years, according to some interpretations of archaeological record. Men have actually only been the "superior race" culturally for about 4,000 years throughout most of the world. So if you look at it that way, they have only 1/5 the experience in leadership and decision-making that we women do. ...and they probably don't want to give it up. Although records also show that during the time women were in charge, society was based on the good of the whole, and not just "what's best for me" as it is today... just a thought.)
And often, the best decision a woman makes is that she will keep her baby. And that's great. It should be her right to make that decision as much as any other. But if she knows the baby will grow up in squalor, without love, without food or clothes or a safe place to sleep or be born addicted to drugs... If she knows the best thing she can do for herself and her pregnancy is to not become responsible for another person... she should have the right to make that decision, too. It's her body, it's her responsibility, it's her choice. And I, for one, generally believe that a woman is wonderfully capable of making the best decisions she can for herself in any given situation.
Today just happens to be the day that Roe v. Wade was decided. So, believing in the Goddess and believing that women are intelligent, capable, wise and wonderful-- I celebrate the few victories we women have, where someone in power actually agreed with me on these points, and gave her the right to choose what she does with her own body.
Sunday
I Do It Better Myself
And while that could be a statement about segx, it's not.
I've heard this quote over and over in the past few years--
"If it is to be, it is up to me."
No idea where the quote came from, but I finally had a good long sit-down conversation with myself about what exactly that means, and how I apply it to my life. I came to a few conclusions, too.
I realized that I've been living with the Cinderella Complex (if this is a real thing, and not a name I just came up with, my apologies) for a very long time. And it is time to stop waiting for someone else to come along and make everything better. Save me from the evil whatever in my life-- everything from not completing my Masters Thesis on time to not going for health walks because no one is here to go with me to not doing the dishes.
And I realized that I am responsible for my own success. I take care of me, and I do it better than anyone else can or should. Because I know what I need and who I am better than anyone else. My success story and my happy ending are within me. I keep my own budget. I wash my own dishes. I manage my own health. I do my own work. If it is to be, it is up to me.
So then I took that one step further, and made it spiritual and personal. I formed a new picture and a new plan for living out my happy ending:
Unstop the cork and let my Spirit flow. I am an unending stream. I take my shape from the earth and the rocks in my path. I use the sun to clear my waters for action and the fires of courage to light my way and protect MY best interests. I am my own best advocate, best friend, best judge. I am my own self-- and no one else can or should direct me on the path I know to take.
The air brings new ideas and oxygen to my waters so the ideas I have planted within can grow, can bloom, can spawn. I am the tide of change, and the Moon is my Guide.
Who can rescue the water? Who can contain it, direct it or inspire it to change its course? No. I am the water, and I make my own path. Ever moving, ever changing. Ever inspiring, ever beautiful. I do it better myself.
'Tis the season to reflect on your past, your present, and who you want to be in your future. It is time to finish projects and store away lessons and resources for the winter months ahead. It is time to let go of negative self-image, negative patterns of behavior, negative emotions. It is time to decide that no one can live your life but you. It is time to join the water as it streams down our windows, puddles in our yards, rushes in torrents down the mountains and dry stream beds of the summer. It is time to quench our thirst for change. It is time to recognize that you know what you need to do-- and that only you can do it.
I've heard this quote over and over in the past few years--
"If it is to be, it is up to me."
No idea where the quote came from, but I finally had a good long sit-down conversation with myself about what exactly that means, and how I apply it to my life. I came to a few conclusions, too.
I realized that I've been living with the Cinderella Complex (if this is a real thing, and not a name I just came up with, my apologies) for a very long time. And it is time to stop waiting for someone else to come along and make everything better. Save me from the evil whatever in my life-- everything from not completing my Masters Thesis on time to not going for health walks because no one is here to go with me to not doing the dishes.
And I realized that I am responsible for my own success. I take care of me, and I do it better than anyone else can or should. Because I know what I need and who I am better than anyone else. My success story and my happy ending are within me. I keep my own budget. I wash my own dishes. I manage my own health. I do my own work. If it is to be, it is up to me.
So then I took that one step further, and made it spiritual and personal. I formed a new picture and a new plan for living out my happy ending:
Unstop the cork and let my Spirit flow. I am an unending stream. I take my shape from the earth and the rocks in my path. I use the sun to clear my waters for action and the fires of courage to light my way and protect MY best interests. I am my own best advocate, best friend, best judge. I am my own self-- and no one else can or should direct me on the path I know to take.
The air brings new ideas and oxygen to my waters so the ideas I have planted within can grow, can bloom, can spawn. I am the tide of change, and the Moon is my Guide.
Who can rescue the water? Who can contain it, direct it or inspire it to change its course? No. I am the water, and I make my own path. Ever moving, ever changing. Ever inspiring, ever beautiful. I do it better myself.
'Tis the season to reflect on your past, your present, and who you want to be in your future. It is time to finish projects and store away lessons and resources for the winter months ahead. It is time to let go of negative self-image, negative patterns of behavior, negative emotions. It is time to decide that no one can live your life but you. It is time to join the water as it streams down our windows, puddles in our yards, rushes in torrents down the mountains and dry stream beds of the summer. It is time to quench our thirst for change. It is time to recognize that you know what you need to do-- and that only you can do it.
Thursday
Creating Truth
Went to my Pagan Journaling group again this week. It was amazing and wonderful and full of discoveries as usual. I found out that, like Dianic Wiccan, Kitchen Witches, and other theologies within pagan spirituality, there is a belief system for the Wise Woman. I look forward to learning more about it. Right now, all I know is that there are no set dogmas or required beliefs-- unlike Dianic or Georgian or Faerie. The basic goal of the Wise Woman is to connect with her greater wisdom-- with the universal wisdom of the spirit self. I like that.
I also learned that the group leader has a book coming out soon-- one she is self-publishing in small batches to match her available assets. It is a series of writing exercises to help survivors of abuse move forward with their lives, reconnect with their emotions, acknowledge their pain and anger, and then move forward with their lives. I want a copy. There are few women in my life who would NOT want a copy. To her surprise, she's actually already sold out her first printing, before it has printed! I'm hoping she will do another few batches-- I want to get a copy for a friend of mine.
I get so much out of the exercises and journaling moments she leads us through in our group-- I think how much more I would get out of following a journey like that over many days. This week, we worked on Affirmations. We journalled to find our passion in life-- the thing that we love doing and that heals us as we do it-- and then we worked to write out the meaning behind our discovery. Now, our homework is to use that writing as a basis for creating Affirmations for ourselves. Affirmations are present-tense, positively worded (Ex: You don't want to say "I don't make a mess." You want to say "I keep my home clean."), short, and clear. If the sentence you come up with doesn't resonate, then keep re-writing and re-wording it until it does. THAT is an Affirmation. And the more often you read it, speak it, and think it to yourself, the more that becomes a part of your reality.
Powerful stuff, Affirmations.
It was interesting, too, the discussion we had about our findings. We talked about our awareness that true creativity must come from a person's true self. It is very hard not to come face to face with who and what and how and why you really are, with your inner self, when you create something-- paint it, write it, whatever your artistic medium. Copying the work of others, or making a boring painting or quilt-- well, that happens when we don't open ourselves to the act of creation-- to our passion. It happens when we avoid who we really are. Creating is a risk. Not because someone might not like it, but because we have to see who we really are, and put THAT on the page before us. We have to experience passion in a world where passion is highly controlled and highly criticized. The risk is in putting ourselves out to be judged. And we are our own toughest critics.
So an Affirmation or three or four or ten-- ABOUT OUR PASSION-- well, that might just be the break through that changes our whole way of living and expressing and acknowledging our inner selves. I'm excited. I want to know myself better. I want to like myself better. I want to be better.
To Your Health!
Saphoro
I also learned that the group leader has a book coming out soon-- one she is self-publishing in small batches to match her available assets. It is a series of writing exercises to help survivors of abuse move forward with their lives, reconnect with their emotions, acknowledge their pain and anger, and then move forward with their lives. I want a copy. There are few women in my life who would NOT want a copy. To her surprise, she's actually already sold out her first printing, before it has printed! I'm hoping she will do another few batches-- I want to get a copy for a friend of mine.
I get so much out of the exercises and journaling moments she leads us through in our group-- I think how much more I would get out of following a journey like that over many days. This week, we worked on Affirmations. We journalled to find our passion in life-- the thing that we love doing and that heals us as we do it-- and then we worked to write out the meaning behind our discovery. Now, our homework is to use that writing as a basis for creating Affirmations for ourselves. Affirmations are present-tense, positively worded (Ex: You don't want to say "I don't make a mess." You want to say "I keep my home clean."), short, and clear. If the sentence you come up with doesn't resonate, then keep re-writing and re-wording it until it does. THAT is an Affirmation. And the more often you read it, speak it, and think it to yourself, the more that becomes a part of your reality.
Powerful stuff, Affirmations.
It was interesting, too, the discussion we had about our findings. We talked about our awareness that true creativity must come from a person's true self. It is very hard not to come face to face with who and what and how and why you really are, with your inner self, when you create something-- paint it, write it, whatever your artistic medium. Copying the work of others, or making a boring painting or quilt-- well, that happens when we don't open ourselves to the act of creation-- to our passion. It happens when we avoid who we really are. Creating is a risk. Not because someone might not like it, but because we have to see who we really are, and put THAT on the page before us. We have to experience passion in a world where passion is highly controlled and highly criticized. The risk is in putting ourselves out to be judged. And we are our own toughest critics.
So an Affirmation or three or four or ten-- ABOUT OUR PASSION-- well, that might just be the break through that changes our whole way of living and expressing and acknowledging our inner selves. I'm excited. I want to know myself better. I want to like myself better. I want to be better.
To Your Health!
Saphoro
Herbal Blurbal
Did I tell you that I went to a Medicinal Herbs 101 class last weekend? Probably not. Well, I did. And it was so cool! I'm signing up for more. We didn't go into each plant so much-- there are just too many of them-- but we did go over basic terminology, the realities of working with herbs, and the how to of making your own medicinal teas, tinctures, balms, etc. We also got a short recommended references list, and a bunch of online resources. I am SO STOAKED! (wow, that word feels old)
If you are interested in classes, try your local community college, or check out Jo Powell's School of Herbalism and website at www.nwherbs.com. If you can't take it from her, she probably knows someone in your area that you can check with or learn from. I'm taking the Medicinal First Aid with Herbs class in a couple of weeks. I'm sure you'll hear about it.
So anyway, today I finally went to visit my local herb shop, and bought a few ounces of herbs to start playing with-- freshly dried so I know they'll be good for medicinal purposes for a few months here. I've started with a Comfrey Oil, which I'll turn into a balm once it's finished "cooking." And I'm about to try my first sips of my own medicinal echinacia and stinging nettle tea. Which I suspect I may have made incorrectly because if you're using the flowers, leaves, and basically the soft parts of the plant, you don't boil the herb with the water (this is called infusion)... but if you're using the bark, seeds, stems, roots, and basically woody/hard parts of the herb, you DO boil them in the water (called decoction)... And the echinacia I got was surprisingly woody-- (the whole plant is medicinal, and I think this herbalist collects the roots)... but I didn't boil it, as the nettle was a leaf, so...
Anyway, I love the idea of being able to take care of the smaller illnesses and injuries that come my way, without waiting for it to get "bad enough" to see an MD, without paying extra money, without taking a prescription medicine, and without worrying about the next apocalypse. Boy, I know I spelled THAT word incorrectly! Thank goodness for spell-check. And honey. Thank goodness for honey, too. Some of these herbs get kinda bitter. It's really nice to be able to add some honey to the tea and know you are actually doing yourself a favor!
Some Online Resources:
www.nwherbs.com --Jo Powell knows her stuff, and her classes just ROCK!
www.botanical.com --Has a decent Materia Medica (where you learn about the herbs).
www.herbs.org --scientific herbal research.
www.swsbm.com -- The Southwest School of Botanical Medicine by Michale Moore.
www.pacificbotanicals.com -- buy herbs, learn stuff.
www.theherbshoppe.net --The Herb Shoppe is a real store, with a great
and well-educated owner. A great resource person as well as a
great place to buy herbs and bases.
www.mountainroseherbs.com --good for herbs, great for essential oils (EO's).
www.herb-pharm.com --great for tinctures and good info available, too.
www.libertynatural.com --again, great for buying your herbs and other stuff.
www.frontierherb.com --this is the brand carried by most health food stores.
Great Books:
Herbal Healing for Women by Rosemary Gladstar.
From Earth to Herbalist: An Earth-Conscious Guide to Medicinal Plants by Gregory Tilford.
Aromatherapy: A complete Guide to the Healing Art by Kathi Keville & Mindy Green.
A Modern Herbal by Maud Grieve. (also available online at www.botanical.com).
Growing 101 Herbs That Heal by Tammi Hartung.
Anything by Michael Moore or Jack Green is also something Jo might recommend.
If you are interested in classes, try your local community college, or check out Jo Powell's School of Herbalism and website at www.nwherbs.com. If you can't take it from her, she probably knows someone in your area that you can check with or learn from. I'm taking the Medicinal First Aid with Herbs class in a couple of weeks. I'm sure you'll hear about it.
So anyway, today I finally went to visit my local herb shop, and bought a few ounces of herbs to start playing with-- freshly dried so I know they'll be good for medicinal purposes for a few months here. I've started with a Comfrey Oil, which I'll turn into a balm once it's finished "cooking." And I'm about to try my first sips of my own medicinal echinacia and stinging nettle tea. Which I suspect I may have made incorrectly because if you're using the flowers, leaves, and basically the soft parts of the plant, you don't boil the herb with the water (this is called infusion)... but if you're using the bark, seeds, stems, roots, and basically woody/hard parts of the herb, you DO boil them in the water (called decoction)... And the echinacia I got was surprisingly woody-- (the whole plant is medicinal, and I think this herbalist collects the roots)... but I didn't boil it, as the nettle was a leaf, so...
Anyway, I love the idea of being able to take care of the smaller illnesses and injuries that come my way, without waiting for it to get "bad enough" to see an MD, without paying extra money, without taking a prescription medicine, and without worrying about the next apocalypse. Boy, I know I spelled THAT word incorrectly! Thank goodness for spell-check. And honey. Thank goodness for honey, too. Some of these herbs get kinda bitter. It's really nice to be able to add some honey to the tea and know you are actually doing yourself a favor!
Some Online Resources:
www.nwherbs.com --Jo Powell knows her stuff, and her classes just ROCK!
www.botanical.com --Has a decent Materia Medica (where you learn about the herbs).
www.herbs.org --scientific herbal research.
www.swsbm.com -- The Southwest School of Botanical Medicine by Michale Moore.
www.pacificbotanicals.com -- buy herbs, learn stuff.
www.theherbshoppe.net --The Herb Shoppe is a real store, with a great
and well-educated owner. A great resource person as well as a
great place to buy herbs and bases.
www.mountainroseherbs.com --good for herbs, great for essential oils (EO's).
www.herb-pharm.com --great for tinctures and good info available, too.
www.libertynatural.com --again, great for buying your herbs and other stuff.
www.frontierherb.com --this is the brand carried by most health food stores.
Great Books:
Herbal Healing for Women by Rosemary Gladstar.
From Earth to Herbalist: An Earth-Conscious Guide to Medicinal Plants by Gregory Tilford.
Aromatherapy: A complete Guide to the Healing Art by Kathi Keville & Mindy Green.
A Modern Herbal by Maud Grieve. (also available online at www.botanical.com).
Growing 101 Herbs That Heal by Tammi Hartung.
Anything by Michael Moore or Jack Green is also something Jo might recommend.
Self- Help
I've been avoiding my school work lately (I'm getting my Masters in Library Science), and couldn't figure out why it was SO HARD to make myself sit down and do a little reading, writing, and arithmetic (aka my budget). I'm somewhat of a procrastinator as it is, but this was getting ridiculous. It's also been a few days since I cast a circle or did any real meditation to keep my mind and body in balance with my Spirit, so I thought that might be a good place to start.
Last night, I put things off until nearly midnight, and then had this overwhelming need to just sit with my candles and my quiet time and my Tarot cards. So I did. And right away I was called into deep meditation by my internal Guide. Which surprised me, because usually I have to take a bit of an inner journey to find her. I'll devote an entry to my Tarot cards sometime, and this will all make more sense.
Anyway, we had a good talk (You know when you've got a problem you're avoiding, and you just finally sit yourself down and start asking yourself questions-- what is up with me? Why the heck am I going around doing THIS lately?!... and you just sit and feel crazy talking to yourself, but you keep doing it until you get some answers-- and you do manage to sort yourself out... Well, that's what it's like to talk with your Guide, only its more to the point), and I realized that what I've been avoiding some painful memories this week... and in the process of avoiding, I avoided homework, and cleaning the dirty dishes, and a few other things, too.
You see, I was a live-in nanny for two years, basically the primary care taker of a wonderful little girl from the time she was 5 months old until I got married and moved away two years later. And when that happened, it felt like I was abandoning my own child. I still miss her horribly, and thinking about her makes me sad. She has good parents, (She's already started school, too!) but she doesn't have me anymore, and since she now lives in Korea, I don't have her, either. It just hurts. And her birthday happens to be in early April. I've only managed to memorize five birthdays in my lifetime, and that includes hers...
Anyway, I was very glad to have that talk with my Spirit Guide, because it let me release some of my pain and feelings of abandonment/loss in a very safe space. Feelings I had been working hard not to acknowledge before that. And then she gave me a good talking to about getting on-task with my homework and stuff. It's like having the perfect mom. The one who helps you stay (or get) on track with your life, while making you feel loved and valued the whole time. She reminded me that there are a lot of children out there in the world who need the caring and the helping and the life skills I can provide as a Librarian, and that it's up to me to make that happen. I have work to do.
(By the way, as a librarian, I take a professional oath to provide accurate and timely information on all topics to all people, without discrimination based on age, ability, gender, creed, cultural origin, topic of interest, or anything else. It means taking my personal beliefs out of the picture when I'm at work, and being a true servant of the community-- the whole community, including the homeless, the infirm, the rich and powerful, and everyone in between.)
I'm also constantly working to make myself a better person... so I took note. I have a radar up now for when I seem to be avoiding things-- mundane things-- so that I can stop and meditate about what I'm REALLY trying to avoid. I want to face it and get moving forward that much faster next time. And... next April, I might just cut myself a little slack, knowing I'm going to have a few down moments that month, and knowing why.
Blessings Be
Saphora
Last night, I put things off until nearly midnight, and then had this overwhelming need to just sit with my candles and my quiet time and my Tarot cards. So I did. And right away I was called into deep meditation by my internal Guide. Which surprised me, because usually I have to take a bit of an inner journey to find her. I'll devote an entry to my Tarot cards sometime, and this will all make more sense.
Anyway, we had a good talk (You know when you've got a problem you're avoiding, and you just finally sit yourself down and start asking yourself questions-- what is up with me? Why the heck am I going around doing THIS lately?!... and you just sit and feel crazy talking to yourself, but you keep doing it until you get some answers-- and you do manage to sort yourself out... Well, that's what it's like to talk with your Guide, only its more to the point), and I realized that what I've been avoiding some painful memories this week... and in the process of avoiding, I avoided homework, and cleaning the dirty dishes, and a few other things, too.
You see, I was a live-in nanny for two years, basically the primary care taker of a wonderful little girl from the time she was 5 months old until I got married and moved away two years later. And when that happened, it felt like I was abandoning my own child. I still miss her horribly, and thinking about her makes me sad. She has good parents, (She's already started school, too!) but she doesn't have me anymore, and since she now lives in Korea, I don't have her, either. It just hurts. And her birthday happens to be in early April. I've only managed to memorize five birthdays in my lifetime, and that includes hers...
Anyway, I was very glad to have that talk with my Spirit Guide, because it let me release some of my pain and feelings of abandonment/loss in a very safe space. Feelings I had been working hard not to acknowledge before that. And then she gave me a good talking to about getting on-task with my homework and stuff. It's like having the perfect mom. The one who helps you stay (or get) on track with your life, while making you feel loved and valued the whole time. She reminded me that there are a lot of children out there in the world who need the caring and the helping and the life skills I can provide as a Librarian, and that it's up to me to make that happen. I have work to do.
(By the way, as a librarian, I take a professional oath to provide accurate and timely information on all topics to all people, without discrimination based on age, ability, gender, creed, cultural origin, topic of interest, or anything else. It means taking my personal beliefs out of the picture when I'm at work, and being a true servant of the community-- the whole community, including the homeless, the infirm, the rich and powerful, and everyone in between.)
I'm also constantly working to make myself a better person... so I took note. I have a radar up now for when I seem to be avoiding things-- mundane things-- so that I can stop and meditate about what I'm REALLY trying to avoid. I want to face it and get moving forward that much faster next time. And... next April, I might just cut myself a little slack, knowing I'm going to have a few down moments that month, and knowing why.
Blessings Be
Saphora
Saturday
The Beauty of Fertility
So speaking of fertility, I don't really plan to have children. I might change my mind, but for now-- I really like not being responsible for anyone but myself. And I like sleeping in on the days I don't work. And I like not smelling (or touching) someone else's bodily functions because they are in diapers. I like knowing that the folks who visit my home don't take a carrot to the dip, and lick the dip off, and put the carrot back in the dip again. Watch any kid under the age of about seven interact with a veggie tray, if you don't know what I mean.
Anyway, the vitality and the real beauty of fertility struck me right between the eyes yesterday. I was walking through a Garden. It was beautiful. It was magickal. There was reproduction, blooming, birds calling their mates, biology and botany, yin and yang. Here are some of the visions I encountered and stopped to breathe in:
Through the lower branches of this beautiful blooming magnolia, you can see the bright red berries of some sort of holly bush. The ripening of Spring.
This sweet bird spent about ten minutes singing his song over and over, while in the distance, I could hear his mate answering in a slightly different key. He knew I was watching, and it wasn't until I pulled out the camera that he turned away from me. I hope he wasn't offended.
Can you believe how delicate and wild these tree buds are? I can't wait to see the leaves they become! It feels as though a gentle wave of Spring is rolling through the air, and taking the branches of this tree with it.
These baby leaves were so glorious against the background of tall trees and green bushes! You could taste the energy of their laughter and zest for growth in the wind.
This is Trillium, sometimes known as "Wakerobin" for its tendency to bloom early in the Spring. It's wild, and endangered, and very sweet. Native Americans used some forms of Trillium root for medicinal purposes, and the leaves were eaten as salad greens. Unfortunately, Trillium is almost impossible to transplant, and picking the leaves will kill the plant. So please enjoy from a distance, or buy seeds for your own wildflower garden.
The leaves on this beautiful tree were a dusty red, like freckles in the sun. A couple of the leaves are just visible on the right, and a delightful purple flower just made it into the photo on the left. Happy Spring! By the way, March 20-23 was the Spring Equinox. A celebration of the moment when night and day-- light and dark-- are balanced in equal proportions. It is the celebration of the coming Spring, and of creativity at it's most inspired. It is about fertility, and regeneration. It is about Creation.
On April 30th (or May 1 in some traditions), we will celebrate Beltain-- also known as May Day, "Night of the Witches," and Walpurgisnacht. This is a very important time for witches and pagans. We celebrate the fullness of Spring, the fullness of passion. Traditionally, it was the night for young (and old) lovers to tryst in the woods and fields. The ribbons were wrapped round the Maypole in dancing celebration of the Great Rite, great bonfires are lit, and great enjoyment is had by all.
This does not mean that you must have sex to celebrate or participate in this festival. No. Instead, it means you must celebrate your sexuality and your passion-- in whatever form that takes for you. Safely, comfortably, with great enjoyment of your own experience. It could be a fantastic and wildly vibrant painting session in your back-yard studio. It could be a delicious bower of flowers, candles, and chocolate as you take a warm bath in the privacy of your own home. It could be passionate dancing in your favorite club, or a warm and well-loved group of friends laughing the night away under a wreath of colorful ribbons and colorful comments.
Whatever you do, remember... "An it harm none, do as ye will."
Blessings Be.
Anyway, the vitality and the real beauty of fertility struck me right between the eyes yesterday. I was walking through a Garden. It was beautiful. It was magickal. There was reproduction, blooming, birds calling their mates, biology and botany, yin and yang. Here are some of the visions I encountered and stopped to breathe in:
Through the lower branches of this beautiful blooming magnolia, you can see the bright red berries of some sort of holly bush. The ripening of Spring.
This sweet bird spent about ten minutes singing his song over and over, while in the distance, I could hear his mate answering in a slightly different key. He knew I was watching, and it wasn't until I pulled out the camera that he turned away from me. I hope he wasn't offended.
Can you believe how delicate and wild these tree buds are? I can't wait to see the leaves they become! It feels as though a gentle wave of Spring is rolling through the air, and taking the branches of this tree with it.
These baby leaves were so glorious against the background of tall trees and green bushes! You could taste the energy of their laughter and zest for growth in the wind.
This is Trillium, sometimes known as "Wakerobin" for its tendency to bloom early in the Spring. It's wild, and endangered, and very sweet. Native Americans used some forms of Trillium root for medicinal purposes, and the leaves were eaten as salad greens. Unfortunately, Trillium is almost impossible to transplant, and picking the leaves will kill the plant. So please enjoy from a distance, or buy seeds for your own wildflower garden.
The leaves on this beautiful tree were a dusty red, like freckles in the sun. A couple of the leaves are just visible on the right, and a delightful purple flower just made it into the photo on the left. Happy Spring! By the way, March 20-23 was the Spring Equinox. A celebration of the moment when night and day-- light and dark-- are balanced in equal proportions. It is the celebration of the coming Spring, and of creativity at it's most inspired. It is about fertility, and regeneration. It is about Creation.On April 30th (or May 1 in some traditions), we will celebrate Beltain-- also known as May Day, "Night of the Witches," and Walpurgisnacht. This is a very important time for witches and pagans. We celebrate the fullness of Spring, the fullness of passion. Traditionally, it was the night for young (and old) lovers to tryst in the woods and fields. The ribbons were wrapped round the Maypole in dancing celebration of the Great Rite, great bonfires are lit, and great enjoyment is had by all.
This does not mean that you must have sex to celebrate or participate in this festival. No. Instead, it means you must celebrate your sexuality and your passion-- in whatever form that takes for you. Safely, comfortably, with great enjoyment of your own experience. It could be a fantastic and wildly vibrant painting session in your back-yard studio. It could be a delicious bower of flowers, candles, and chocolate as you take a warm bath in the privacy of your own home. It could be passionate dancing in your favorite club, or a warm and well-loved group of friends laughing the night away under a wreath of colorful ribbons and colorful comments.
Whatever you do, remember... "An it harm none, do as ye will."
Blessings Be.
Wednesday
Wandering
So I realized a day or two ago that although I am excited to share Wicca with the world, and especially with OTHER WITCHES AND PAGANS... I am not experienced enough to be a teacher. I suspect that teaching others, and helping others find themselves, was my hidden motivation for starting this blog. And it's not the right thing for me to try and do just yet.
So instead, I'm hoping to share the resources I've found, as I sorta started to do already... and let you find your own excellent teacher/facilitator/wisewoman. I'm still looking for mine. I know she'll be there when I'm ready... and I know that before she appears, I really have to work on keeping my eyes open for opportunity. I've run into two wonderful wisemen so far already-- and had other things on my agenda at the time-- and rushed away from each of them. Of course, as soon as I left, I realized my mistake... have you ever noticed it is much easier to move forward with new knowledge than it is to take your new knowledge into the past, and try again at something you already left behind ungraciously? I'm working on it.
I'm so glad to wake up each morning and have the opportunity to be better than I was the day before. And I'm glad that truly wise women know that we are all in the process called learning, and that the best learning often comes from the biggest mistakes. Just ask me about my divorce sometime! Talk about life-changing. But that's another story... or at least, another blog. We all share the same story, really, I think. We just each get to share our unique perspective of the story as it happens. And as perspective changes, so do worlds.
Blessed Be.
So instead, I'm hoping to share the resources I've found, as I sorta started to do already... and let you find your own excellent teacher/facilitator/wisewoman. I'm still looking for mine. I know she'll be there when I'm ready... and I know that before she appears, I really have to work on keeping my eyes open for opportunity. I've run into two wonderful wisemen so far already-- and had other things on my agenda at the time-- and rushed away from each of them. Of course, as soon as I left, I realized my mistake... have you ever noticed it is much easier to move forward with new knowledge than it is to take your new knowledge into the past, and try again at something you already left behind ungraciously? I'm working on it.
I'm so glad to wake up each morning and have the opportunity to be better than I was the day before. And I'm glad that truly wise women know that we are all in the process called learning, and that the best learning often comes from the biggest mistakes. Just ask me about my divorce sometime! Talk about life-changing. But that's another story... or at least, another blog. We all share the same story, really, I think. We just each get to share our unique perspective of the story as it happens. And as perspective changes, so do worlds.
Blessed Be.
Sunday
The Decisions I Make/ The Actions I Take
I do say Goddess, and I see Her as a woman... but I also honor the Horned God, Her consort. He is eternal. In my vision, he has deer antlers, a leather hide covers his head, shoulders and back. He holds the essence of Fatherhood, of Forest, of Animal and of Protection. He overlaps with the Goddess on many of these in my mind. With all, he has a place in my energy, too, and in the great circle that is birth, growth, death, decay, regeneration... You see... in my resonance with the Spiritual Path, there is one great Energy around and in us-- we are all one in that sense-- and the Goddess/God is one. One. We do not "connect with" something outside of ourselves-- we ARE CONNECTION-- because our energy is Her energy. It is up to us to make good use of it.
I see this belief echoed over and over in many religions today. That there is One, that there is Energy, and that feeling that energy within ourselves is our way of having a relationship with that One. Most religions also seem to believe that creating or recreating ritual actions-- ritual songs, ritual books, ritual ceremonies-- is the best way to enhance that relationship. There are many many variations, many ways and words to describe the energy, the relationship, the feeling of connection with something so much greater than just me or just you... Many names for the One... Even many people who can talk scientifically about Energy, and feel it, acknowledge it even where science has not yet proven it to be-- without ever feeling that any GREAT ONE exists. Myself, I am far more comfortable with the idea of Energy than the idea of Magic. I've seen some Pagans differentiate between fake hocus-pocus, and Spirit-Energy by spelling the word, "magick," and sometimes I do the same. Developing the language of my conversation with the Goddess.
One of my favorite aspects of Paganism-- especially the NeoPagan Movement here in America-- is that the vast majority of Pagan Paths all have great respect for the right of each other person to practice their own belief and forge their own rituals of connection with their One or their Energy or their Spirit Guide. True freedom of religion. That level of acceptance-- and the fact that there is still a feeling of community among all these individuals... that really resonates with me.
(Bear in mind that forcing your beliefs, expectations, or your demands, on others in the name of your religion is wrong. In fact, connection and acceptance -- true acceptance-- of a spiritual path CANNOT be forced. Undertaken in those conditions, it will be only a way of "keeping up with the Joneses" --brittle, fake, and for the sake of appearance, so that those so forced might somehow be accepted by their oppressors. I've seen lots of teenage girls haunting the magick shops, trying to find acceptance by wearing the "right clothes" or looking "enough" like they think they "should" to be convincing in the role of Witch. That's just not how it works.)
There are a very few firm statements I hold with so far in my research and my Journey, and even these have had contradictions in my experience of life as we live it:
-The Rede: An' It Harm None, Do As Ye Will
-The Rule of Three: karma-- your actions will come back at you three-fold.
-Meditate on Abundance (You won't find this directive in any well-known guide book or rule book about religion or paganism or even Wicca... It's mine. But you can add it to your way of life if you want. Visualizing what is deeply important to you and what is good in your understanding and your way of life is a great way to generate the energy you need to make it happen, I believe. Of course, you are free to disagree with me, so long as you don't hurt anyone in the process.)
And yet, I read a personal story from a Cottage Witch who acted to protect her children and her neighborhood from a masked stalker. She did this by calling on the great Energy of the Goddess in her protective form to return the stalker's bad actions back on him. She willed him to find no hiding place, no haven, and no pleasure for his bad actions toward others from that time on, until his own karma forced him to stop these bad things. From that day on, he was seen, confronted, and chased away every where he went. She believes that her spell worked, and so do I. And I honor her action. For all that the protective energy she deployed could easily harm this man, and that he did not agree to the magick that she laid on him... I believe she acted within the intent of the Rede. I believe that she called on the forces of karma, and did not work for revenge or for harm on another human being. And I know there are many who would disagree with me on this. But I have also found many who would (or did) do the same.
This brings me to the topic of personal responsibility. I was hoping this post would be a bit shorter than the first few, but apparently not. Hold onto your patience with BOTH HANDS, friend.
I have felt, and do feel, that each person is individually responsible for their actions, or lack thereof. So when guys got drunk at school parties, and did or said bad things-- yeah, they were drunk. But that doesn't absolve them of blame. I believe they are still responsible for what they did because THEY DID IT-- and because THEY CHOSE TO DRINK themselves to a state where they COULD do it. And if I say something hurtful about someone, and they are hurt by hearing it-- even if they heard it because I trusted someone to keep it a secret and THEY TOLD-- I am still responsible for hurting that person because I SAID IT. Personal responsibility.
Another example-- right now, I should be doing homework. In fact, I should have been doing homework for a good eight or ten hours now. I don't have a lot of wiggle room in my Masters Degree program as it is, grade-wise. But I have to take responsibility for the fact that I decided sharing my spiritual journey was more important (or more interesting) to me just now than doing my homework. And I have to accept the consequences of that decision. Which really sucks, now that I think about it.
Of course, it can be a good thing, too. I get to take personal responsibility for my success in the world of fiber arts. I get to take personal responsibility for the choice to take better care of myself and limit the number of responsibilities I take on at any one time. For getting my Masters in Library Science, and for following the budget I set each month. I get to take credit for my intelligence, and my good choices, and for the good works that I choose to do to make the world a better place. Because I am responsible for the decisions I make, and the actions I take.
You see, I've come to the awareness that it is only through action that change can occur. If we will change-- WILL it-- and act accordingly, we give the Goddess room to play and to bring those changes into our lives. To give us our Abundance. We cannot control the circumstances we sometimes find ourselves in, nor the things that others do, but we can control our reaction to them, our decisions and the actions we take because of those decisions. In the Spiritual as well as Mental, Emotional, and Physical realm, our decision to make positive changes in our lives and in the world around us are our own personal responsibility. I feel that this is the basis from which our power springs. It is the power of choice. The power of Whitch, if you will.
We are all living beings, infused with energy, who live and breathe and die and return to our Mother Earth. You do not have to share my Spirit Journey to share my belief, or to have something I say resonate with you. In fact, each of us is in some ways a Solitary Practitioner in that we cannot truly be anyone but ourselves, each individually. And it is only when we each act from our most authentic self that we can feel our connection with the Earth and with the Energy that pervades the people in it. (No, "in" was not a typo-- I count the air we breathe and the magnetic energy holding us to her surface, the atmosphere and the clouds protecting us from burning to death from the sun, etc, to be a part of our Earth. We are definitely IN it, from this perspective.)
So... All who came here, thanks to thee.
Go in peace, and Blessed Be.
I see this belief echoed over and over in many religions today. That there is One, that there is Energy, and that feeling that energy within ourselves is our way of having a relationship with that One. Most religions also seem to believe that creating or recreating ritual actions-- ritual songs, ritual books, ritual ceremonies-- is the best way to enhance that relationship. There are many many variations, many ways and words to describe the energy, the relationship, the feeling of connection with something so much greater than just me or just you... Many names for the One... Even many people who can talk scientifically about Energy, and feel it, acknowledge it even where science has not yet proven it to be-- without ever feeling that any GREAT ONE exists. Myself, I am far more comfortable with the idea of Energy than the idea of Magic. I've seen some Pagans differentiate between fake hocus-pocus, and Spirit-Energy by spelling the word, "magick," and sometimes I do the same. Developing the language of my conversation with the Goddess.
One of my favorite aspects of Paganism-- especially the NeoPagan Movement here in America-- is that the vast majority of Pagan Paths all have great respect for the right of each other person to practice their own belief and forge their own rituals of connection with their One or their Energy or their Spirit Guide. True freedom of religion. That level of acceptance-- and the fact that there is still a feeling of community among all these individuals... that really resonates with me.
(Bear in mind that forcing your beliefs, expectations, or your demands, on others in the name of your religion is wrong. In fact, connection and acceptance -- true acceptance-- of a spiritual path CANNOT be forced. Undertaken in those conditions, it will be only a way of "keeping up with the Joneses" --brittle, fake, and for the sake of appearance, so that those so forced might somehow be accepted by their oppressors. I've seen lots of teenage girls haunting the magick shops, trying to find acceptance by wearing the "right clothes" or looking "enough" like they think they "should" to be convincing in the role of Witch. That's just not how it works.)
There are a very few firm statements I hold with so far in my research and my Journey, and even these have had contradictions in my experience of life as we live it:
-The Rede: An' It Harm None, Do As Ye Will
-The Rule of Three: karma-- your actions will come back at you three-fold.
-Meditate on Abundance (You won't find this directive in any well-known guide book or rule book about religion or paganism or even Wicca... It's mine. But you can add it to your way of life if you want. Visualizing what is deeply important to you and what is good in your understanding and your way of life is a great way to generate the energy you need to make it happen, I believe. Of course, you are free to disagree with me, so long as you don't hurt anyone in the process.)
And yet, I read a personal story from a Cottage Witch who acted to protect her children and her neighborhood from a masked stalker. She did this by calling on the great Energy of the Goddess in her protective form to return the stalker's bad actions back on him. She willed him to find no hiding place, no haven, and no pleasure for his bad actions toward others from that time on, until his own karma forced him to stop these bad things. From that day on, he was seen, confronted, and chased away every where he went. She believes that her spell worked, and so do I. And I honor her action. For all that the protective energy she deployed could easily harm this man, and that he did not agree to the magick that she laid on him... I believe she acted within the intent of the Rede. I believe that she called on the forces of karma, and did not work for revenge or for harm on another human being. And I know there are many who would disagree with me on this. But I have also found many who would (or did) do the same.
This brings me to the topic of personal responsibility. I was hoping this post would be a bit shorter than the first few, but apparently not. Hold onto your patience with BOTH HANDS, friend.
I have felt, and do feel, that each person is individually responsible for their actions, or lack thereof. So when guys got drunk at school parties, and did or said bad things-- yeah, they were drunk. But that doesn't absolve them of blame. I believe they are still responsible for what they did because THEY DID IT-- and because THEY CHOSE TO DRINK themselves to a state where they COULD do it. And if I say something hurtful about someone, and they are hurt by hearing it-- even if they heard it because I trusted someone to keep it a secret and THEY TOLD-- I am still responsible for hurting that person because I SAID IT. Personal responsibility.
Another example-- right now, I should be doing homework. In fact, I should have been doing homework for a good eight or ten hours now. I don't have a lot of wiggle room in my Masters Degree program as it is, grade-wise. But I have to take responsibility for the fact that I decided sharing my spiritual journey was more important (or more interesting) to me just now than doing my homework. And I have to accept the consequences of that decision. Which really sucks, now that I think about it.
Of course, it can be a good thing, too. I get to take personal responsibility for my success in the world of fiber arts. I get to take personal responsibility for the choice to take better care of myself and limit the number of responsibilities I take on at any one time. For getting my Masters in Library Science, and for following the budget I set each month. I get to take credit for my intelligence, and my good choices, and for the good works that I choose to do to make the world a better place. Because I am responsible for the decisions I make, and the actions I take.
You see, I've come to the awareness that it is only through action that change can occur. If we will change-- WILL it-- and act accordingly, we give the Goddess room to play and to bring those changes into our lives. To give us our Abundance. We cannot control the circumstances we sometimes find ourselves in, nor the things that others do, but we can control our reaction to them, our decisions and the actions we take because of those decisions. In the Spiritual as well as Mental, Emotional, and Physical realm, our decision to make positive changes in our lives and in the world around us are our own personal responsibility. I feel that this is the basis from which our power springs. It is the power of choice. The power of Whitch, if you will.
We are all living beings, infused with energy, who live and breathe and die and return to our Mother Earth. You do not have to share my Spirit Journey to share my belief, or to have something I say resonate with you. In fact, each of us is in some ways a Solitary Practitioner in that we cannot truly be anyone but ourselves, each individually. And it is only when we each act from our most authentic self that we can feel our connection with the Earth and with the Energy that pervades the people in it. (No, "in" was not a typo-- I count the air we breathe and the magnetic energy holding us to her surface, the atmosphere and the clouds protecting us from burning to death from the sun, etc, to be a part of our Earth. We are definitely IN it, from this perspective.)
So... All who came here, thanks to thee.
Go in peace, and Blessed Be.
Saturday
Looking at Us
In looking at my family and friends, and trying to decide if I can share the joy of my discoveries with them, I've noticed a few things. And I've slowly told a few people that I'm "researching Wicca." I may be a functioning adult, but I'm apparently still young enough to need parenting. My mom felt a sudden need to discuss the importance of a good relationship with god. My artist friend discovered that SHE wanted to talk and learn about Wicca, too. My old high school girl friend (that is girl-space-friend... I've often regretted being straight, as there are so many really awesome women out there who aren't!) smiled, nodded, and changed the subject. But I've made a start. I've started living the life I feel is best for me, and letting others know what *I* think is best for me. Looking around was actually a good way to start.
You see, in addition to my Grandparents, my Aunt and my Mother... There are several Reiki masters in my family, several counselors, many musicians and artists. People with a passion for what they do, and conviction about who they are meant to be in this world. Each is functioning as a solitary practitioner, accepted into the family fold as they are, once they become strong enough to remain true to their practice even among so many Christian Traditional beliefs they-- and the family-- still hold dear.
My uncle-- my mother's brother-- planned to major in Philosophy in his youth... but after a semester or two, he found an error in the fundamental statement of one of his teacher's teaching books-- one that no one else had noticed for the many years it was in use at that school. He pointed it out, and after much deliberation, they agreed with him. He decided they didn't really have much to teach him after all. He's now a gifted photographer-- has been for years upon years-- telling stories with pictures, describing philosophy and the greater knowledge that is played out over and over throughout the world with beautiful captivating photographs of the natural world. He never did get a college degree.
I have always been the peace maker in my family. The pleaser and the good girl. I have always taken others' goals as my own, and seen them through to completion. I have always had some level of understanding about each person's struggles that the other family members would turn and ask me what I thought was going on with this relative or that one. They could tell something was off, but didn't know what. They thought I would know. I have not always been accurate. I have not always wanted to answer, either. I have not always followed my intuition or my personal compass of how to honor my self and my sense of spirituality and connection.
This is why the Witch's Way has become so important to me, and why it's so hard to talk about. I've assembled the pieces of my own practice bit by bit as I learned of something that resonated, or found a tool I'd seen in my mind as being useful or meaningful to me in some way. Some things are not right. Some things I am not using to their full potential. Some things I still have not found. Many many things I have yet to learn. But I am continuing on this path, and I am happy about it. The abundance in my life fills me with joy. And that is what I want my life to be about-- Abundance, Joy, Creativity, Laughter, Community, Connection, Peace within the storm... And all things in the hands of the Goddess.
I've started my Path, and in this blog, I effort to share the Journey with you. May the sun brighten your day, encourage your growth, and bring a spark of Energy to your actions.
Blessed Be.
You see, in addition to my Grandparents, my Aunt and my Mother... There are several Reiki masters in my family, several counselors, many musicians and artists. People with a passion for what they do, and conviction about who they are meant to be in this world. Each is functioning as a solitary practitioner, accepted into the family fold as they are, once they become strong enough to remain true to their practice even among so many Christian Traditional beliefs they-- and the family-- still hold dear.
My uncle-- my mother's brother-- planned to major in Philosophy in his youth... but after a semester or two, he found an error in the fundamental statement of one of his teacher's teaching books-- one that no one else had noticed for the many years it was in use at that school. He pointed it out, and after much deliberation, they agreed with him. He decided they didn't really have much to teach him after all. He's now a gifted photographer-- has been for years upon years-- telling stories with pictures, describing philosophy and the greater knowledge that is played out over and over throughout the world with beautiful captivating photographs of the natural world. He never did get a college degree.
I have always been the peace maker in my family. The pleaser and the good girl. I have always taken others' goals as my own, and seen them through to completion. I have always had some level of understanding about each person's struggles that the other family members would turn and ask me what I thought was going on with this relative or that one. They could tell something was off, but didn't know what. They thought I would know. I have not always been accurate. I have not always wanted to answer, either. I have not always followed my intuition or my personal compass of how to honor my self and my sense of spirituality and connection.
This is why the Witch's Way has become so important to me, and why it's so hard to talk about. I've assembled the pieces of my own practice bit by bit as I learned of something that resonated, or found a tool I'd seen in my mind as being useful or meaningful to me in some way. Some things are not right. Some things I am not using to their full potential. Some things I still have not found. Many many things I have yet to learn. But I am continuing on this path, and I am happy about it. The abundance in my life fills me with joy. And that is what I want my life to be about-- Abundance, Joy, Creativity, Laughter, Community, Connection, Peace within the storm... And all things in the hands of the Goddess.
I've started my Path, and in this blog, I effort to share the Journey with you. May the sun brighten your day, encourage your growth, and bring a spark of Energy to your actions.
Blessed Be.
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