It has taken me several years of hard work to be able to identify my emotions. I had emotions, and I expressed emotions (usually, the ones that got expressed were what I thought I was SUPPOSED to be feeling)... but I had become so focused on figuring out the emotional needs of the people around me that I actually lost track of my own.
Anger was one of the hardest emotions. To recognize that a behavior or situation made me angry was to put my own needs first, and I loved the people I was with too much to do that. It took a lot of hard work for me to realize that I HAVE to put myself first-- I MUST respect myself and my needs-- because if I don't, NOBODY ELSE WILL EITHER. It was a painful lesson, and a long time coming.
Often now, I take an hour or so at the end of a conversation to re-evaluate what was said, and really check in with how I feel about it, and about what was or was not done before and after the conversation. Conversations become a two-part process, wherein I check back with the person I was talking to, and clarify any reactions that I've had since we talked.
I know now that I cannot actually control my emotions-- and that suppressing them is bad for my health and for my relationships. I know that what I CAN control is how I act in a given situation, or as a result of how I feel. I don't have to act out every emotion I have-- and I can find healthy respectful ways to share how I'm feeling-- or to release the emotions privately.
I'm getting better at admitting it when something does make me mad. I realize that usually, there's a very good reason for me to feel that way. And out of respect for and love of myself, I deserve better than that. It's not that I ignore or discount the needs and feelings of the people around me--far from it. Instead, I recognize that life is about change, and about working with others as a community-- for the greatest good. For the good of the whole-- including me.
Life energy-- Goddess Energy-- flows through us all. To disrespect or disregard ourselves is to dis Her. Take responsibility for yourself-- your actions, your reactions, how you interact with other people and with the Earth, AND take responsibility for your needs. It is up to you to satisfy them.
This is a personal journey, describing the books I've read, how I find them, what resonates for me, my directions, what I've realized. Good stories, good people, good energy. Great Goddess, what is it NOT?
Energy
Coming here recharges me. Where do you go to heal? As long as you know, I don't need to. Go there. Set aside time for YOUR HEALTH.
Likely Links
Corrections:
...And by the way, if you are a practicing Pagan or Wiccan, and I got something terribly wrong, or you want to share another version or another vision of something I wrote-- PLEASE let me know which it is, and give me the info in a comment on the related blog entry! I'll post it as quickly as possible. After all-- until I gain a free-flowing connection with Universal Knowledge, I have only my own to draw from.
Witch Word Was It?
- Yuletide/Winter Solstice: Dec 20-23; Holy night of rebirth and turning toward the light-- the longest night of the year is when we may first welcome the return of the light. Very much a Christmas Celebration.
- Widdershins: Counterclockwise. Also means "to go backwards." Used to disconnect, banish, reverse, etc.
- Wiccan: of or pertaining to the practice of Wicca-- the modern inerpretation of Witchcraft (which also exists as a seperate practice); The Good Witches
- Tripple Goddess: Most Wiccans/Witches view the Goddess as the Moon, and celebrate her three aspects: Full Moon (Mother), Waxing-- getting bigger--Moon (Maiden), Waning-- getting smaller and the darkness of no moon-- Moon (Crone).
- Tools: Well, with Christian religions, many people wear a cross on a necklace, or hang a likeness of Jesus on the cross on their wall. They might finger rosary beads or light a candle to add power to a prayer or blessing. Well, in Wicca, we have tools and symbols, too. Ours are just anywhere from 2,000 to 8,000 years older than theirs. We have our altars to help us focus on the Great One they represent, and our sacred stones to finger while we meditate or conteplate the Goddess. We light candles to add power to our spells or blessings. We hang brooms and dried herbs on our walls to signify our connection with the Earth or to help us meditate on our own personal version of Abundant Living. We have sacred cups to drink holy water from, and we ritually cleanse and consecrate our sacred tools, too. But it is a totally different energy and purpose we invoke. It is not about some far off GOD, it is about ourselves and our Will and our Goddess.
- Spring Equinox/Eostara: March 20-23; Time of balance, when the light and dark visit in equal measure and the Earth swells with new life. Symbols (prior to the invention of easter) are Egg and Hare-- fertility and new life-- as the world is reborn.
- Skyclad: Means Naked. Some of the more "traditional" forms of Pagan worship require you to go naked. But only some.
- Sacred Circle: it is the temple in which a wiccan worships-- but it is a temple of Energy and Spirit, and we create it and dismantle it each time we go to worship or meditate. It is to help us focus our energy and our magick, and to provide a safe space in which to be and do.
- Sabbat: Wiccan/Pagan holyday, of which there are eight each year.
- Ritual: any activity you plan in advance, or do in a Sacred Circle, to aid connection with Spirit. In Pagan and Wiccan belief systems, this usually includes dancing, singing, lighting candles, and calling on the four or five elements. No sacrificing a cat at midnight. We hold life to be sacred-- as a part of the inevitable cycle of birth, growth, death, decay, and regeneration.
- Pentacle: the five-point star, point-up, inside a circle. This is the traditional witch's symbol, a symbol of power and protection, and representative of the five elements and the sacred circle (and sometimes the Moon).
- Pagan: Usually an Earth-Centered Religion, the word once refered to people living on the outskirts of villages-- people who lived on the land, so to speak.
- Night of the Witches/Beltane: May 1; as is the Mayday tradition, this is a festival of passion, complete with winding round the maypole, frolicking in fields and forest... the night of the Great Rite, and one of the most important Wiccan Holydays.
- NeoPagan: The modern interpretation and recreation of ancient Pagan religions; the label we often use to encompass Wicca, Witchcraft, Fairie, COG, Native American Spiritualities, Native Alaskan, Native etc, Shamanic, Druidic, etc
- Midsummer/Summer Solstice/Litha: June 20-23; the longest day of the year, and thus the day the year begins to wane (to grow shorter and darker). A festival of growth, high magick, and change.
- Lammastide/Lughnasadh: August 1st; First of the three harvest festivals. This marks the end of summer and the first harvest of the grain. We give thanks for the bounty of the harvest, and begin preparations for winter.
- Esbat: monthly coven meetings.
- Elements: Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Spirit. These have many representations, and I've seen three different versions of which direction is which element. Because the books I most respect to date all agree, I work with North as Earth, East as Air, South as Fire, and West as Water.
- Deosil: Clockwise-- often used to describe the direction of walking to cast a Circle, calling on the Elements (N-E-S-W-N), or stirring a concoction. It is the direction of connection and embodyment, of manifesting that which you are meditating upon.
- Coven: a group of Witches or Wiccans who practice their Spiritual Celebrations and rituals together. A group of really close friends who share their spiritual journey.
- Candlemass/Imbolic: Feb 2; Feast of Lights. This marks the return of Spring. It is a time of cleansing, purification, and preparation for the abundance to come in the new year.
- Autumnal Equinox/Mabon/Harvest Home: Sept. 20-23; Night and day are again equally balanced. Rest, feast, rejoice and give thanks for the second harvest festival of the year.
- Aspects: While most of us believe there is only one Goddess, we use her many names to describe an aspect of the Goddess that we most want to connect with or draw energy from. One aspect might be Hestia-- the Greek Goddess of Hearth and Home. One might be Kali, the forceful protectrice from India. One might be Brigid-- the tripple Goddess from Irish Celtic lore. And so on.
- All Hallow's Eve/Samain: October 31; The third harvest festival, and the last day of the Witche's year. A time to honor departed ones and play host to Spirits. In this aspect of the year, the Goddess is the Crone, and the veil between worlds is thin. It is our oldest and most sacred Sabbat, as it honors death and life, the present and the past. Restore your soul and await rebirth at Yule.
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