I was reminded today of how quickly I make assumptions. The need for something solid to use as a framework for new ideas sometimes overrides my ability to slow down, and let the new idea emerge in its own good time. Slow is just not something I do well. Perhaps that is why the universe gives me so many opportunities to slow down, to experience something slowly. Because if I had my way, I'd often be out the door and down the street before I found out dinner was followed by dessert!
Today was also a difficult one because of a small event that cut me to the quick. It is so very hard to break a tendency toward emotional self-denial. We stop paying attention to our internal processes for a week or two, and suddenly we are flooded with emotions that surprise us in their intensity and focus. For me, this was the experience of going to the volunteer arm of the Small Business Association, and talking with a marketing coach. With two, actually. They were both clearly experienced, intelligent, and capable. I'm sure they've had (or continue to have) highly profitable careers in the field of marketing.
But one had never heard of an Aura before. And the other tried to connect with me by adding "Feng Shui" to the list of my possible skills as an Empathic Listener and Tarot Healer, because it was the only other semi-respectable alternative healing thing he knew of that didn't require a certificate on the wall. Both of them felt that the best thing I could do for my business was drop the word "Tarot" from my job description and from my marketing. I have to believe that it was good advice. But it cut me to the quick.
And I went in there KNOWING these people were probably not going to speak my language, nor I theirs. I've always been rather dismissive of the cliche about "snuffing out the sunshine," but not after this. I felt like suddenly nothing about me was worthy of success. That I'd have to make-do and half-exist all over again if I want to pay my rent again next month. Like I did in other jobs. I may still have to do that. Although my clientelle is growing faster than most new small businesses collect new clients, and I really appreciate and honor my clients and the opportunity to facilitate their healing process, it still hasn't grown enough to support me fully at this point. I suppose two part-time jobs DO add up into one full-time one for now...
The good news is that I went straight from that dis-heartening marketing meeting to a Tarot client. And my internal balance was thus restored. I hope the session was as beneficial for my client! I also got out for a brisk walk just as the sun was low enough to make the yellow and red leaves on the trees glow. THAT was a magic moment.
It's hard to head into the unknown. It's hard to cope with the stress of a down-economy and a difficult job market. But it's even harder to deny our inner selves, as we make our way in the world. And really, the more skills we have, the more resources are waiting in our back pocket to remind us of how beautiful the sun's illumination can be in our lives. Maybe it's time for me to start learning yet another something new.
So I scrubbed the frown off my face, washed the stress from my fingers, and decided that a positive outlook, and a strong resume, are worth their weight in gold. Or gasoline, that being slightly more expensive at the moment... I also realized that if I didn't post a blog entry QUICK, I'd miss October all together.
As the observant author wrote about the confused cat, "When in doubt, wash."
Autumn Blessings to you.
Be Well, and when frustrated,