So March is, apparently, the month of the flu. As in, I caught it, and here we are ten days later, and I'm still not fully recovered. And I'm tired of it. Seriously. I have a life I'd like to be living-- or at least pursuing.
So I decided to pretend I was all better, in the hopes that believing would make it true, and because my parents were going to be in town for a visit, and I wanted to enjoy their company.
We decided to check out the Da Vinci exhibit. And it's pretty cool. They've recreated a few pages from his personal notebooks, one of which explores the way that a planet and a sun affect the light on another planet. VERY COOL to see that!! And they've rebuilt a bunch of the machines and concepts of flight, motion, and energy into little wooden examples-- with the same tools and materials that Da Vinci himself would have had access to. And you even get to play with some of the gears!! There are reproductions of his sketches and studies of the human body. And a whole room devoted to understanding the genius behind his painting, particularly the Mona Lisa.
Da Vinci was a pretty cool frood, really. He believed that we could learn to do anything that could be done in nature by observing how Nature does it. And so he spent hours and days and months observing the way birds fly, the way people exert force on a lever, the way toes are made to wiggle through their attachment to bone with fine sinews and fibers that direct movement. For Da Vinci, Mother Nature was the ultimate teacher, and he devoted a lifetime to Her lessons.
It was a valuable reminder to me that we can learn more than how to fly or be more efficient manual laborers. Nature also offers valuable lessons in anger management, hierarchy, family commitment, survival during times of drought or other hardships, and most importantly-- the lesson that there is a purpose to every thing. Rain nourishes plants so we have food sometime down the road. Cold weather keeps the snowpack from melting just a little longer, that maybe we won't have a drought this summer. The falling leaves offer insulation to keep Earth's creatures and plants from freezing when winter weather comes... Maybe there is a purpose to my enforced inactivity right now, too...
A room full of musical instruments and war machines later, and I was barely shuffling along, trying to put one foot in front of the other. I actually fell asleep in the restaurant over lunch, I was so exhausted by the outing. Three hours of standing around, and I slept the rest of the day and a full ten hours last night. I'm ready to have my energy back. I'm just not sure how to get it.
Well, to paraphrase Da Vinci's classification of people, there are those who understand, those who can be taught to understand, and those who will never understand. Maybe it's time I looked a little more closely at the processes of the Great Creator, and trusted more openly that a reason exists, whether I have the capacity to see it right now or not.
Blessings Be.
Showing posts with label Needs Thought. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Needs Thought. Show all posts
Thursday
Wednesday
Leaning Into Life
I've been going to school and working hard to become a professional librarian. I finished my degree in December, and have spent the months since applying for job after job-- and not getting anywhere.
At the same time, I hoped one day to use my income from library world to start up my own Tarot life coaching practice, maybe even get a second degree in Counseling or something official like that. I already knew I was a gifted listener, and I read Tarot for anyone who was the slightest bit interested in it. I studied like a maniac, attending to my own personal and spiritual growth as I struggled both financially and directionally over the past few years.
Every couple of months, I'd read Tarot for myself, trying to find some affirmation out there that being a Librarian was a part of my life path to abundance and fulfillment. I know I'd be damn good at it-- and I studied long and hard to get the degree that makes me employable in my chosen field. But somehow, the Tarot readings I saw before me were never really in tune with my professional aspirations.
I finally stopped forcing myself to take steps along a now painful path, and looked at what I was doing and why I was doing it. I realized that without pain and without going out of my way, I'd acquired four or five Coaching clients-- and hadn't been invited to interview for a Library Job in something like four months. Looking closer, I saw that the clients for whom I read Tarot pay me the most, and are the most consistent of the clients I'm currently working with as a life coach.
Suddenly, it was a no-brainer to put all my energy into building a practice and a client-base for my Tarot Life Coaching NOW-- and watch for something part time to come up in the local library world, something to help pay the rent while I cement my new career. How could it have taken me five months to see this? I'd put so much of my time and energy into getting that library degree that I wanted it to mean something. I wanted to put that knowledge to use. I'm just grateful that I've seen a better path now.
The point to all this is that I finally had time to perform my birthday reading earlier this week. It was amazing how clearly the cards I pulled lined up with my new purpose and professional goals. I even feel more energy and more excitement and more certainty flowing through me every day as I work to establish myself. The cards just confirmed and affirmed what I already felt-- and it was such a relief to have them do so! The pieces of my life are falling into place wonderfully. I'm so very excited to see where this new path leads, and so very full of hope and joy for my future.
I started on the path to Librarianship with three basic goals in mind:
-To make a career out of helping people.
-To want to get up to go to work every day (even if work was hard at times, I know I have to want to be there in order to keep showing up in the first place).
-And to have a retirement fund grow from the income my job generates. (basically, for my work to pay me enough to live comfortably now AND meet future financial needs)
My new work meets the first two requirements in a much more holistic and glowing way than being a librarian ever could (though I know I'd have enjoyed it, too)... And as for my third goal? Well, only time can tell. The funny part is that by the time I realized I was ready to take the leap, I already had.
I am an Empathic Listener, and the Tarot are but one of my tools.
I connect my clients to their inner wisdom. I encourage them to be conscious of the patterns that weave through the tapestry of their lives, and assist them in clarifying and honoring their own skills, abilities, and values. I read Tarot, but I don't tell the future. Instead, I tell the present, and together we explore the possibilities of what could come next. I look forward to working with you.
At the same time, I hoped one day to use my income from library world to start up my own Tarot life coaching practice, maybe even get a second degree in Counseling or something official like that. I already knew I was a gifted listener, and I read Tarot for anyone who was the slightest bit interested in it. I studied like a maniac, attending to my own personal and spiritual growth as I struggled both financially and directionally over the past few years.
Every couple of months, I'd read Tarot for myself, trying to find some affirmation out there that being a Librarian was a part of my life path to abundance and fulfillment. I know I'd be damn good at it-- and I studied long and hard to get the degree that makes me employable in my chosen field. But somehow, the Tarot readings I saw before me were never really in tune with my professional aspirations.
I finally stopped forcing myself to take steps along a now painful path, and looked at what I was doing and why I was doing it. I realized that without pain and without going out of my way, I'd acquired four or five Coaching clients-- and hadn't been invited to interview for a Library Job in something like four months. Looking closer, I saw that the clients for whom I read Tarot pay me the most, and are the most consistent of the clients I'm currently working with as a life coach.
Suddenly, it was a no-brainer to put all my energy into building a practice and a client-base for my Tarot Life Coaching NOW-- and watch for something part time to come up in the local library world, something to help pay the rent while I cement my new career. How could it have taken me five months to see this? I'd put so much of my time and energy into getting that library degree that I wanted it to mean something. I wanted to put that knowledge to use. I'm just grateful that I've seen a better path now.
The point to all this is that I finally had time to perform my birthday reading earlier this week. It was amazing how clearly the cards I pulled lined up with my new purpose and professional goals. I even feel more energy and more excitement and more certainty flowing through me every day as I work to establish myself. The cards just confirmed and affirmed what I already felt-- and it was such a relief to have them do so! The pieces of my life are falling into place wonderfully. I'm so very excited to see where this new path leads, and so very full of hope and joy for my future.
I started on the path to Librarianship with three basic goals in mind:
-To make a career out of helping people.
-To want to get up to go to work every day (even if work was hard at times, I know I have to want to be there in order to keep showing up in the first place).
-And to have a retirement fund grow from the income my job generates. (basically, for my work to pay me enough to live comfortably now AND meet future financial needs)
My new work meets the first two requirements in a much more holistic and glowing way than being a librarian ever could (though I know I'd have enjoyed it, too)... And as for my third goal? Well, only time can tell. The funny part is that by the time I realized I was ready to take the leap, I already had.
I am an Empathic Listener, and the Tarot are but one of my tools.
I connect my clients to their inner wisdom. I encourage them to be conscious of the patterns that weave through the tapestry of their lives, and assist them in clarifying and honoring their own skills, abilities, and values. I read Tarot, but I don't tell the future. Instead, I tell the present, and together we explore the possibilities of what could come next. I look forward to working with you.
Fighting for Equality
So... nobody tells men under what circumstances they can use viagra, pay for sex, make family decisions, career decisions, etc... People assume that most of the time, men make the best decisions they can for themselves in any given situation.
But with women, it's a bit different. People often seem to think that a woman, given the choice, would not make such great decisions for herself. That she might panic or do something rash and stupid just for money or take advantage of services offered to help people in bad situations. (Take advantage as in "use inappropriately," not as in "these services are HERE FOR PEOPLE IN HER SITUATION.")
... Take Roe v. Wade, for example. Women had to go to court-- repeatedly-- to get the right to decide if it is a good personal choice for them to have a baby or not. And to get appropriate medical help, legally. And even today, that right to decide for herself is being eroded and contended. Many people believe that a woman is not equally important as a child or a man, not equally as capable of making the best decisions she can for herself in any given situation, and that she shouldn't have the right to make her own choices about her life path. That somehow, her life can be sacrificed for others' desires.
(Here's my personal rant: If you don't think someone should think for themselves, then you must think they are incapable of intelligent thought, or that they are inherently predisposed to make bad decisions. Just because they are born female?? As women, we were once seen as spiritual, social, and political leaders in our families and communities. As women, our intelligence, clarity of thought, and ability to capably care for large groups of people was unquestioned-- for over 20,000 years, according to some interpretations of archaeological record. Men have actually only been the "superior race" culturally for about 4,000 years throughout most of the world. So if you look at it that way, they have only 1/5 the experience in leadership and decision-making that we women do. ...and they probably don't want to give it up. Although records also show that during the time women were in charge, society was based on the good of the whole, and not just "what's best for me" as it is today... just a thought.)
And often, the best decision a woman makes is that she will keep her baby. And that's great. It should be her right to make that decision as much as any other. But if she knows the baby will grow up in squalor, without love, without food or clothes or a safe place to sleep or be born addicted to drugs... If she knows the best thing she can do for herself and her pregnancy is to not become responsible for another person... she should have the right to make that decision, too. It's her body, it's her responsibility, it's her choice. And I, for one, generally believe that a woman is wonderfully capable of making the best decisions she can for herself in any given situation.
Today just happens to be the day that Roe v. Wade was decided. So, believing in the Goddess and believing that women are intelligent, capable, wise and wonderful-- I celebrate the few victories we women have, where someone in power actually agreed with me on these points, and gave her the right to choose what she does with her own body.
But with women, it's a bit different. People often seem to think that a woman, given the choice, would not make such great decisions for herself. That she might panic or do something rash and stupid just for money or take advantage of services offered to help people in bad situations. (Take advantage as in "use inappropriately," not as in "these services are HERE FOR PEOPLE IN HER SITUATION.")
... Take Roe v. Wade, for example. Women had to go to court-- repeatedly-- to get the right to decide if it is a good personal choice for them to have a baby or not. And to get appropriate medical help, legally. And even today, that right to decide for herself is being eroded and contended. Many people believe that a woman is not equally important as a child or a man, not equally as capable of making the best decisions she can for herself in any given situation, and that she shouldn't have the right to make her own choices about her life path. That somehow, her life can be sacrificed for others' desires.
(Here's my personal rant: If you don't think someone should think for themselves, then you must think they are incapable of intelligent thought, or that they are inherently predisposed to make bad decisions. Just because they are born female?? As women, we were once seen as spiritual, social, and political leaders in our families and communities. As women, our intelligence, clarity of thought, and ability to capably care for large groups of people was unquestioned-- for over 20,000 years, according to some interpretations of archaeological record. Men have actually only been the "superior race" culturally for about 4,000 years throughout most of the world. So if you look at it that way, they have only 1/5 the experience in leadership and decision-making that we women do. ...and they probably don't want to give it up. Although records also show that during the time women were in charge, society was based on the good of the whole, and not just "what's best for me" as it is today... just a thought.)
And often, the best decision a woman makes is that she will keep her baby. And that's great. It should be her right to make that decision as much as any other. But if she knows the baby will grow up in squalor, without love, without food or clothes or a safe place to sleep or be born addicted to drugs... If she knows the best thing she can do for herself and her pregnancy is to not become responsible for another person... she should have the right to make that decision, too. It's her body, it's her responsibility, it's her choice. And I, for one, generally believe that a woman is wonderfully capable of making the best decisions she can for herself in any given situation.
Today just happens to be the day that Roe v. Wade was decided. So, believing in the Goddess and believing that women are intelligent, capable, wise and wonderful-- I celebrate the few victories we women have, where someone in power actually agreed with me on these points, and gave her the right to choose what she does with her own body.
Sunday
I Do It Better Myself
And while that could be a statement about segx, it's not.
I've heard this quote over and over in the past few years--
"If it is to be, it is up to me."
No idea where the quote came from, but I finally had a good long sit-down conversation with myself about what exactly that means, and how I apply it to my life. I came to a few conclusions, too.
I realized that I've been living with the Cinderella Complex (if this is a real thing, and not a name I just came up with, my apologies) for a very long time. And it is time to stop waiting for someone else to come along and make everything better. Save me from the evil whatever in my life-- everything from not completing my Masters Thesis on time to not going for health walks because no one is here to go with me to not doing the dishes.
And I realized that I am responsible for my own success. I take care of me, and I do it better than anyone else can or should. Because I know what I need and who I am better than anyone else. My success story and my happy ending are within me. I keep my own budget. I wash my own dishes. I manage my own health. I do my own work. If it is to be, it is up to me.
So then I took that one step further, and made it spiritual and personal. I formed a new picture and a new plan for living out my happy ending:
Unstop the cork and let my Spirit flow. I am an unending stream. I take my shape from the earth and the rocks in my path. I use the sun to clear my waters for action and the fires of courage to light my way and protect MY best interests. I am my own best advocate, best friend, best judge. I am my own self-- and no one else can or should direct me on the path I know to take.
The air brings new ideas and oxygen to my waters so the ideas I have planted within can grow, can bloom, can spawn. I am the tide of change, and the Moon is my Guide.
Who can rescue the water? Who can contain it, direct it or inspire it to change its course? No. I am the water, and I make my own path. Ever moving, ever changing. Ever inspiring, ever beautiful. I do it better myself.
'Tis the season to reflect on your past, your present, and who you want to be in your future. It is time to finish projects and store away lessons and resources for the winter months ahead. It is time to let go of negative self-image, negative patterns of behavior, negative emotions. It is time to decide that no one can live your life but you. It is time to join the water as it streams down our windows, puddles in our yards, rushes in torrents down the mountains and dry stream beds of the summer. It is time to quench our thirst for change. It is time to recognize that you know what you need to do-- and that only you can do it.
I've heard this quote over and over in the past few years--
"If it is to be, it is up to me."
No idea where the quote came from, but I finally had a good long sit-down conversation with myself about what exactly that means, and how I apply it to my life. I came to a few conclusions, too.
I realized that I've been living with the Cinderella Complex (if this is a real thing, and not a name I just came up with, my apologies) for a very long time. And it is time to stop waiting for someone else to come along and make everything better. Save me from the evil whatever in my life-- everything from not completing my Masters Thesis on time to not going for health walks because no one is here to go with me to not doing the dishes.
And I realized that I am responsible for my own success. I take care of me, and I do it better than anyone else can or should. Because I know what I need and who I am better than anyone else. My success story and my happy ending are within me. I keep my own budget. I wash my own dishes. I manage my own health. I do my own work. If it is to be, it is up to me.
So then I took that one step further, and made it spiritual and personal. I formed a new picture and a new plan for living out my happy ending:
Unstop the cork and let my Spirit flow. I am an unending stream. I take my shape from the earth and the rocks in my path. I use the sun to clear my waters for action and the fires of courage to light my way and protect MY best interests. I am my own best advocate, best friend, best judge. I am my own self-- and no one else can or should direct me on the path I know to take.
The air brings new ideas and oxygen to my waters so the ideas I have planted within can grow, can bloom, can spawn. I am the tide of change, and the Moon is my Guide.
Who can rescue the water? Who can contain it, direct it or inspire it to change its course? No. I am the water, and I make my own path. Ever moving, ever changing. Ever inspiring, ever beautiful. I do it better myself.
'Tis the season to reflect on your past, your present, and who you want to be in your future. It is time to finish projects and store away lessons and resources for the winter months ahead. It is time to let go of negative self-image, negative patterns of behavior, negative emotions. It is time to decide that no one can live your life but you. It is time to join the water as it streams down our windows, puddles in our yards, rushes in torrents down the mountains and dry stream beds of the summer. It is time to quench our thirst for change. It is time to recognize that you know what you need to do-- and that only you can do it.
Wednesday
Other Ways of Being
Spent two hours on a Migrant Farm handing out free children's books (mostly written in Spanish) and trying to understand Spanish as it was spoken today. Had to thank my ex for taking every opportunity to speak Spanish to other Spanish speakers-- I'm actually practiced at trying to understand a full-speed conversation from the few words I can recognize. And the more I listened, the more words I remembered (basic ones like Gracias and La Biblioteca and los libros-- books).
It was hot, dusty, and challenging, and I am TOTALLY EXHAUSTED. I can't imagine what it must be like for the farm workers-- most of whom do not speak any English-- to deal with these conditions-- including the lack of language skills-- every day! We went with a great group of dedicated people who brought free clothes and free food and ice cream for the kids. They offer to help people fill out forms, and they provide domestic violence intervention. The volunteers all speak Spanish, and all they want is to help their fellow people who are new to America to find her many opportunities.
I also realized that I'd been so nervous and scared about doing this because I viewed migrant workers as "those strange beings" who had nothing to do with me or my life. The thing is-- they are just normal people trying to get through their day. The clothes they wear are like ours because they are the clothes we outgrew or stopped liking and donated somewhere. These people we met with took great pride in their appearance, and many looked cleaner, and more slick than I did by a long-shot-- since I was hot, dusty, tired, and I just don't seem to control my hair very well at the best of times.
The teen aged girls had cliques and insider comments to make to each other. The little toddlers just wanted your full attention and as many books as they could hold. The parents and adult workers just wanted a little extra to put aside for hard times, or a special treat for their kids-- and free is a very good price. Just normal people.
And we didn't go to Tumbucktoo to see them, either. We went to the corner of two main streets-- where they meet about a mile from the center of town. It's the outskirts, but definitely not the boonies. There were still fences with lawns and shrubs on both sides of the street. And then we turned in to a gravel drive. There was a guard who had to approve our entry. He did this by glaring at us as we drove past, and then waving an arm at the parking area where we were supposed to set up our stuff.
So I'm glad I went. And I want to go again. But I also feel even more strongly about taking those Conversational Spanish classes as soon as I graduate. I have a lot to learn about my fellow wo/man. I think maybe we all do.
It was hot, dusty, and challenging, and I am TOTALLY EXHAUSTED. I can't imagine what it must be like for the farm workers-- most of whom do not speak any English-- to deal with these conditions-- including the lack of language skills-- every day! We went with a great group of dedicated people who brought free clothes and free food and ice cream for the kids. They offer to help people fill out forms, and they provide domestic violence intervention. The volunteers all speak Spanish, and all they want is to help their fellow people who are new to America to find her many opportunities.
I also realized that I'd been so nervous and scared about doing this because I viewed migrant workers as "those strange beings" who had nothing to do with me or my life. The thing is-- they are just normal people trying to get through their day. The clothes they wear are like ours because they are the clothes we outgrew or stopped liking and donated somewhere. These people we met with took great pride in their appearance, and many looked cleaner, and more slick than I did by a long-shot-- since I was hot, dusty, tired, and I just don't seem to control my hair very well at the best of times.
The teen aged girls had cliques and insider comments to make to each other. The little toddlers just wanted your full attention and as many books as they could hold. The parents and adult workers just wanted a little extra to put aside for hard times, or a special treat for their kids-- and free is a very good price. Just normal people.
And we didn't go to Tumbucktoo to see them, either. We went to the corner of two main streets-- where they meet about a mile from the center of town. It's the outskirts, but definitely not the boonies. There were still fences with lawns and shrubs on both sides of the street. And then we turned in to a gravel drive. There was a guard who had to approve our entry. He did this by glaring at us as we drove past, and then waving an arm at the parking area where we were supposed to set up our stuff.
So I'm glad I went. And I want to go again. But I also feel even more strongly about taking those Conversational Spanish classes as soon as I graduate. I have a lot to learn about my fellow wo/man. I think maybe we all do.
Is it Intuition or Monkeys?
I went to a Journaling Workshop last night. Great experience. Pagan group of women. Knowledgeable group facilitator. Wow.
Not only did she teach me a great new method of getting something meaningful out of my writing, but we ended up having a short discussion about recognizing the difference between the voice of intuition in your head, and the voice of the chattering monkeys. At least, that's what we started calling it. See, the voice we are used to hearing is like a chattering monkey. Skeptical, gnawing, not supportive, telling you what to do. It just talks. A lot. And it tries to push you around. That "monkey voice."
The thing is-- it's NOT supportive. And we don't really get value out of harsh judgments and gnawing expectations. So the key is to turn down the volume on this voice. Maybe you can't shut it out completely, but you can turn down the volume, and recognize how different the monkey chatter sounds from the voice of your true intuition.
Intuition is the voice of wisdom. Peaceful. Friendly. Flowing like a deep moving river under your consciousness. It comes from the gut and the heart. Quiet. Not linear. Maybe not even seeming to fit with the general flow of your life at the moment you hear it. And that's one of the challenges. To trust yourself and your inner wisdom-- your intuition-- enough to heed its voice when you DO hear. One must be quiet to hear it. Serene. Vanessa, or group facilitator, stated it this way: You have to trust your own competence. You have to say "I'm worth it, even if I make a mistake." This is the bridge. This is how we begin to recognize our intuition as a unique wisdom in our life process.
And the writing technique? Well, free-write for five minutes. About whatever comes into your head or out of your pen, without stopping. Set a timer. Then go back and highlight four or five words or phrases that really seem important-- unsettling, wise, curious, interesting-- whatever they are. Pick one. Use it as the title for your next free-write.
With your new title as a starting point, the goal here is to get deeper into your writing. Stop your flow often and insert a dash "-- what I really want to say is...." and use that as an opportunity to deepen your focus and your writing this time. "--what I really want to say is..." Set the timer for seven minutes.
Stop and re-read what you wrote. What is it really about? Is there a theme or a lesson? Pick up your highlighter again. Select about five words or phrases that jump out at you or snag your attention in some way, as before. Select one and use it for the title or focus of your next timed writing exercise. For ten minutes, write deeply. Don't forget to set the timer. Use the dash to deepen your focus within your writing. "--what I really mean is..."
Great. Now read over and think about what you wrote this time. What did you learn? What did you write about? Is it deep and meaningful writing? Is there wisdom in your words? If you could summarize the experience of this writing exercise, and what themes/lessons you gained from what you wrote-- what would you say? Write that down, too.
It's amazing how meaningful of a life-perspective can grow out of a simple unformatted free-write, isn't it? I was blown away. It was just a great group and a great experience. Vanessa did a great job in putting such a meaningful and purposeful evening together for us, and facilitating it effectively. Thanks.
Not only did she teach me a great new method of getting something meaningful out of my writing, but we ended up having a short discussion about recognizing the difference between the voice of intuition in your head, and the voice of the chattering monkeys. At least, that's what we started calling it. See, the voice we are used to hearing is like a chattering monkey. Skeptical, gnawing, not supportive, telling you what to do. It just talks. A lot. And it tries to push you around. That "monkey voice."
The thing is-- it's NOT supportive. And we don't really get value out of harsh judgments and gnawing expectations. So the key is to turn down the volume on this voice. Maybe you can't shut it out completely, but you can turn down the volume, and recognize how different the monkey chatter sounds from the voice of your true intuition.
Intuition is the voice of wisdom. Peaceful. Friendly. Flowing like a deep moving river under your consciousness. It comes from the gut and the heart. Quiet. Not linear. Maybe not even seeming to fit with the general flow of your life at the moment you hear it. And that's one of the challenges. To trust yourself and your inner wisdom-- your intuition-- enough to heed its voice when you DO hear. One must be quiet to hear it. Serene. Vanessa, or group facilitator, stated it this way: You have to trust your own competence. You have to say "I'm worth it, even if I make a mistake." This is the bridge. This is how we begin to recognize our intuition as a unique wisdom in our life process.
And the writing technique? Well, free-write for five minutes. About whatever comes into your head or out of your pen, without stopping. Set a timer. Then go back and highlight four or five words or phrases that really seem important-- unsettling, wise, curious, interesting-- whatever they are. Pick one. Use it as the title for your next free-write.
With your new title as a starting point, the goal here is to get deeper into your writing. Stop your flow often and insert a dash "-- what I really want to say is...." and use that as an opportunity to deepen your focus and your writing this time. "--what I really want to say is..." Set the timer for seven minutes.
Stop and re-read what you wrote. What is it really about? Is there a theme or a lesson? Pick up your highlighter again. Select about five words or phrases that jump out at you or snag your attention in some way, as before. Select one and use it for the title or focus of your next timed writing exercise. For ten minutes, write deeply. Don't forget to set the timer. Use the dash to deepen your focus within your writing. "--what I really mean is..."
Great. Now read over and think about what you wrote this time. What did you learn? What did you write about? Is it deep and meaningful writing? Is there wisdom in your words? If you could summarize the experience of this writing exercise, and what themes/lessons you gained from what you wrote-- what would you say? Write that down, too.
It's amazing how meaningful of a life-perspective can grow out of a simple unformatted free-write, isn't it? I was blown away. It was just a great group and a great experience. Vanessa did a great job in putting such a meaningful and purposeful evening together for us, and facilitating it effectively. Thanks.
Saturday
Grounding with Fire
Now that my school finals are done for the semester, I have a little free time to do things like take out the trash, call my friends, and post to my blogs. YAY!!!! These are all things that desperately need to be done. And, truth be told, I had intended to do these things on Thursday... What happened to Thursday? Well... My time was taken over by a series of important and hilarious learning experiences. Which now comprise the basis for this post. Isn't it great how interconnected everything is?
On Thursday, I set out with the goal of stopping on the East Strip (aka Hawthorne Street) to pick up some more obsidian beads. I ended up getting a short reiki-like calming/grounding session through the use of my palm chakras in a Samurai Sword and Cutlery shop. I went in thinking I'd find a nice kitchen boutique (the storefront doesn't really advertise the Samurai part of the deal). The young man behind the counter had a martial arts hair style where all but the crown of his head was shaved bald. At the crown, he had a very long ponytail of hair. He was showing the other store occupant how to play a bamboo flute, which he made himself.
Just looking into this man's eyes, you could see that he is a fire personality. That he uses martial arts to channel and control that fire. It's been a long time since I met a guy my age with that level of self-awareness. I must be running in the wrong circles... Anyway, we got to talking, and I learned that he's survived a car fire in which he was both injured and burned quite badly. The fire is definitely a part of him now. And the big chunk that is missing from his arm is a testament to his strength of character. The fact that he uses that hand as he does his uninjured one is an attribute to his healing abilities.
Since I've also been through my share of traumas, the conversation was personal, and for me became unsettling. To help me re-ground, the young man performed a calming/grounding for me through my hand chakras. This is something similar to other energy work that has been done for me in the past-- but always it was the energy of water that was used to calm, to sooth, to heal. This man used his fire. It was amazing to me that fire could be grounding, could sooth. But it did. We changed the topic after this, and I find that I've made a friend where I least expected it. And I have a new and growing perspective on the Southern Elemental-- on Fire.
I did also make it to the bead store, where they had some rainbow obsidian, and a lot of onxy, and only one black obsidian option. I found-- yet again-- that when I stop to tune in to my intuition, I know the rainbow and the onyx were not what I'd come for. I was looking for a stone to help me stay grounded and connected. To open my throat chakra and help me connect mind, heart, and voice. I have a piece of black obsidian that does this for me in my sacred circles, and had just made a pendant for the same purpose out of sodalite, clear quartz, and a small snowflake obsidian bead from my stores. This combination of awarenesses prompted me to do a little research when I got home.
In my books, I found that obsidian is a VERY strong stone for grounding/opening and awareness-building. What's more, it is a truth stone, connected to both fire and water. Since obsidian is stone heated to molten glass in the center of the earth, which runs in rivers out of volcanoes and then re-hardens into rock again.... (this is my interpretation, please use a reliable scholarly resource for any specific definitions of how obsidian is formed!)... so it is both a liquid and a solid. It is born of fire.
Two lessons in one day-- Thursday-- focusing on the calming and grounding/centering properties of fire. I think I'll devote a meditation to this some time soon. There is always more to learn. And, before I post this, I'm going to look up the lunar aspects of Thursdays. Just for fun.
What books was I using for my informal research? Well, a strange variety, really:
A Handbook of Chakra Healing by Kalashatra Govinda (English Translation) ISBN: 1-56852-472-2
The Crystal Bible by Judy Hall ISBN: 1-58297-240-0
Green Witchcraft III, the manual by Ann Moura ISBN: 1-56718-688-2
Anything by Ellen Dugan (I enjoy her writing style, and she often includes useful associations of color, lunar phase, etc-- but she's definitely a "personal taste" author, and you take what you think you can use --from her personal experiences and suggestions-- into your own practice.)
On Thursday, I set out with the goal of stopping on the East Strip (aka Hawthorne Street) to pick up some more obsidian beads. I ended up getting a short reiki-like calming/grounding session through the use of my palm chakras in a Samurai Sword and Cutlery shop. I went in thinking I'd find a nice kitchen boutique (the storefront doesn't really advertise the Samurai part of the deal). The young man behind the counter had a martial arts hair style where all but the crown of his head was shaved bald. At the crown, he had a very long ponytail of hair. He was showing the other store occupant how to play a bamboo flute, which he made himself.
Just looking into this man's eyes, you could see that he is a fire personality. That he uses martial arts to channel and control that fire. It's been a long time since I met a guy my age with that level of self-awareness. I must be running in the wrong circles... Anyway, we got to talking, and I learned that he's survived a car fire in which he was both injured and burned quite badly. The fire is definitely a part of him now. And the big chunk that is missing from his arm is a testament to his strength of character. The fact that he uses that hand as he does his uninjured one is an attribute to his healing abilities.
Since I've also been through my share of traumas, the conversation was personal, and for me became unsettling. To help me re-ground, the young man performed a calming/grounding for me through my hand chakras. This is something similar to other energy work that has been done for me in the past-- but always it was the energy of water that was used to calm, to sooth, to heal. This man used his fire. It was amazing to me that fire could be grounding, could sooth. But it did. We changed the topic after this, and I find that I've made a friend where I least expected it. And I have a new and growing perspective on the Southern Elemental-- on Fire.
I did also make it to the bead store, where they had some rainbow obsidian, and a lot of onxy, and only one black obsidian option. I found-- yet again-- that when I stop to tune in to my intuition, I know the rainbow and the onyx were not what I'd come for. I was looking for a stone to help me stay grounded and connected. To open my throat chakra and help me connect mind, heart, and voice. I have a piece of black obsidian that does this for me in my sacred circles, and had just made a pendant for the same purpose out of sodalite, clear quartz, and a small snowflake obsidian bead from my stores. This combination of awarenesses prompted me to do a little research when I got home.
In my books, I found that obsidian is a VERY strong stone for grounding/opening and awareness-building. What's more, it is a truth stone, connected to both fire and water. Since obsidian is stone heated to molten glass in the center of the earth, which runs in rivers out of volcanoes and then re-hardens into rock again.... (this is my interpretation, please use a reliable scholarly resource for any specific definitions of how obsidian is formed!)... so it is both a liquid and a solid. It is born of fire.
Two lessons in one day-- Thursday-- focusing on the calming and grounding/centering properties of fire. I think I'll devote a meditation to this some time soon. There is always more to learn. And, before I post this, I'm going to look up the lunar aspects of Thursdays. Just for fun.
What books was I using for my informal research? Well, a strange variety, really:
A Handbook of Chakra Healing by Kalashatra Govinda (English Translation) ISBN: 1-56852-472-2
The Crystal Bible by Judy Hall ISBN: 1-58297-240-0
Green Witchcraft III, the manual by Ann Moura ISBN: 1-56718-688-2
Anything by Ellen Dugan (I enjoy her writing style, and she often includes useful associations of color, lunar phase, etc-- but she's definitely a "personal taste" author, and you take what you think you can use --from her personal experiences and suggestions-- into your own practice.)
Thursday
Intuition and Healing
Okay. As we all know, I am searching for community. Last night, I attended my first "community event." Sister Spirit puts on regular monthly get togethers for whoever shows up-- with a set focus for each. The one I went to focused on healing. There were four of us. Three very awesome women, and me. I'm sometimes awesome, too. =)
I learned so much from the evening! It was my first group Circle, and I learned that I fall easily into meditation, but that most Circles bring a much greater depth to their Energy Calling. I felt a lot more energy in the circle than I've usually felt on my own. Not sure what I'll do with that knowledge, but I'm definitely going to be pondering it. I also got to hear some of the songs in my tradition. That was awesome. These songs are about evocation, and not about 2.7 minutes on the radio. And we did practice healing. We worked to help each other heal within the circle.
I learned that I'm actually more intuitive than I've acknowledged about pain. Other peoples' pain. And I'm less in touch than I realized with my emotions just lately. I definitely need to work more on that. What I don't know is how to use my energy and my Connection to heal once I find the pain. My gift is in seeing the potential, and what someone else will need to do or be to reach it. It's about helping others make their own efforts on their own behalf. And the healing circle is about making the effort that someone else is unable to make for themselves.
One woman in the group knows reiki, so she did some of that. Another has such connectivity with energy that you could feel her manipulating the chakra fields of the body as she worked. Anther simply takes your pains into herself. I'd like to help her find a way to then get rid of other peoples' pains, as she currently just lets herself suffer for you. I found that I can sense and do more than I expected, and that the things I do are things I've always done-- I just never saw them as healing, and I never acknowledged them as part of Circle Work.
It was just a great evening. A good start. I definitely look forward to another. I also definitely am working on making fewer assumptions about what I am or need to do or be-- and about how others will impact me when we come into contact. But that's my personal journey, and it's proving to be a real challenge. That just means the opportunity to learn and grow is itself also greater.
I learned so much from the evening! It was my first group Circle, and I learned that I fall easily into meditation, but that most Circles bring a much greater depth to their Energy Calling. I felt a lot more energy in the circle than I've usually felt on my own. Not sure what I'll do with that knowledge, but I'm definitely going to be pondering it. I also got to hear some of the songs in my tradition. That was awesome. These songs are about evocation, and not about 2.7 minutes on the radio. And we did practice healing. We worked to help each other heal within the circle.
I learned that I'm actually more intuitive than I've acknowledged about pain. Other peoples' pain. And I'm less in touch than I realized with my emotions just lately. I definitely need to work more on that. What I don't know is how to use my energy and my Connection to heal once I find the pain. My gift is in seeing the potential, and what someone else will need to do or be to reach it. It's about helping others make their own efforts on their own behalf. And the healing circle is about making the effort that someone else is unable to make for themselves.
One woman in the group knows reiki, so she did some of that. Another has such connectivity with energy that you could feel her manipulating the chakra fields of the body as she worked. Anther simply takes your pains into herself. I'd like to help her find a way to then get rid of other peoples' pains, as she currently just lets herself suffer for you. I found that I can sense and do more than I expected, and that the things I do are things I've always done-- I just never saw them as healing, and I never acknowledged them as part of Circle Work.
It was just a great evening. A good start. I definitely look forward to another. I also definitely am working on making fewer assumptions about what I am or need to do or be-- and about how others will impact me when we come into contact. But that's my personal journey, and it's proving to be a real challenge. That just means the opportunity to learn and grow is itself also greater.
Saturday
Force of Nature
So I have ants. I mean- I've successfully overcome 3 assaults on my home by ants intent on finding food and annoying me-- since December. It's the fourth one that got me. This time, they are swarming my baby plant sprouts. Specifically, they seem drawn to the one I dedicated to the Goddess, and that I was really really excited about. The "Renee's Garden" Mini Jack Baby Pumpkin starts, to be exact.
The persistence of the ants has led me to do a bit of meditating on the persistence of life and of life force. How unstoppable it is. How strongly it is connected to the Yin-- the water element that simply goes around any impediments, or wears them down over time, to continue it's original intended course. It appears passive or unintentional-- and yet it is this force which perseveres and overcomes to reach it's original goal time after time. The return of the ants has lead me to wonder what greater message I'm missing here. Particularly since they are focused so specifically on my "Goddess Plant." As much as I feel justified in protecting my home and my sacred spaces from invaders such as ants... they have also received the blessings of the Goddess. In fact, they work primarily at night-- by the light of Her moon! And they have a very strong sense of social responsibility. There are no solitary ants. There is no sense of self-preservation if the good of the whole is at stake.
I picked a pretty earthy green ceramic pot for my plant. Nice'n deep for those baby jack roots. I planted five seeds, as they say you should, if you have enough space around them above ground for the plants to grow into-- and because they might not all come up. I got three valiant little starts. They are already about nine inches long, with lots of pretty leaves reaching REACHING toward the sunlight that comes in through the window where they live. See-- the directions say that you shouldn't plant them (or transplant them outside, anyway) until the weather is staying above 50* all the time. So I've been waiting to take them to their more permanent home on my back patio (I live in an apartment-- 2nd floor! and I have ants!) until the nights weren't quite so chill.
After the third ant invasion about two weeks ago, I stopped spraying peppermint essential oil all over the place because I decided it just wasn't working. Big mistake. What I didn't notice was that I was spraying the windowsills where I'd been seeing the ants the first two times-- and they were no longer on the windowsills. They were now on the ceiling. Taking the most direct route they could find toward my kitchen. I still feel terrible about this-- the third time, I called the pest control guys. And even though the ants keep appearing on the ceiling and the window sills, the spray guy sprayed the baseboards. Apparently, ants have to start at the bottom and work their way up like everyone else.
Well, here we are. Two weeks later, and I've got MORE ANTS than I ever had before. And most of them are congregating on my BABY PUMPKIN PLANTS! My apartment manager tells me that if they are attracted to a plant, and I keep the plant, the ants are no longer the apartment complexes problem. So, I've found a new home for my starts-- with a good friend who will love them, even if she can't protect them from the chilly nights like I've done.
I'd no idea it would be this emotionally wrenching to consider finding a new home for my "Goddess Plant!" I know I'd been daydreaming about how these little sprouts were growing with a combination of sunshine, moonshine, and water I've used in sacred circle rituals... and I know I had plans to harvest the mini pumpkins, dry them, and use them again for All-Hallow's-Eve and Winter Solstice, and maybe even Christmas... but I obviously wasn't looking deeply at this connection I'd made between the life cycle of my plant starts and the greater wheel of days and lives.
I have, however, started spraying everything with peppermint essential oil again. Going on sheer number and speed of the ant invaders this time around-- that stuff was actually doing a VERY good job of keeping the majority of ants at bay! I bought a cheap plastic spray bottle (I recommend using a nice glass one, really)... and put about 5-10 drops of oil in for every 1/2 cup of water it holds. I wasn't messing around. That's one heck of a concentrated spray! To be really effective, you have to respray every few hours, as the oils are not nearly so effective once they dry. And remember that ants can just as easily go up and around, or down and around... so make a complete circle around whatever you are trying to protect.
And put all your foods into closed containers. If cold air won't hurt it, consider putting food you wouldn't normally keep in the fridge-- in the fridge. I'm keeping my cutting boards there for a while as well, actually. I'm even considering putting my nice beeswax candles in the fridge! There's not much in my home that can match the pure beeswax candles for sweetness. And what I have are most likely the same sugar ants that started looking here for sweet things three months ago. ...the number 3 sure has come up a lot with these guys... in fact, all the numbers connected to the situation (that I've kept track of) seem to be related to the Goddess in some way... Well, something more to ponder in my next meditation.
The persistence of the ants has led me to do a bit of meditating on the persistence of life and of life force. How unstoppable it is. How strongly it is connected to the Yin-- the water element that simply goes around any impediments, or wears them down over time, to continue it's original intended course. It appears passive or unintentional-- and yet it is this force which perseveres and overcomes to reach it's original goal time after time. The return of the ants has lead me to wonder what greater message I'm missing here. Particularly since they are focused so specifically on my "Goddess Plant." As much as I feel justified in protecting my home and my sacred spaces from invaders such as ants... they have also received the blessings of the Goddess. In fact, they work primarily at night-- by the light of Her moon! And they have a very strong sense of social responsibility. There are no solitary ants. There is no sense of self-preservation if the good of the whole is at stake.
I picked a pretty earthy green ceramic pot for my plant. Nice'n deep for those baby jack roots. I planted five seeds, as they say you should, if you have enough space around them above ground for the plants to grow into-- and because they might not all come up. I got three valiant little starts. They are already about nine inches long, with lots of pretty leaves reaching REACHING toward the sunlight that comes in through the window where they live. See-- the directions say that you shouldn't plant them (or transplant them outside, anyway) until the weather is staying above 50* all the time. So I've been waiting to take them to their more permanent home on my back patio (I live in an apartment-- 2nd floor! and I have ants!) until the nights weren't quite so chill.
After the third ant invasion about two weeks ago, I stopped spraying peppermint essential oil all over the place because I decided it just wasn't working. Big mistake. What I didn't notice was that I was spraying the windowsills where I'd been seeing the ants the first two times-- and they were no longer on the windowsills. They were now on the ceiling. Taking the most direct route they could find toward my kitchen. I still feel terrible about this-- the third time, I called the pest control guys. And even though the ants keep appearing on the ceiling and the window sills, the spray guy sprayed the baseboards. Apparently, ants have to start at the bottom and work their way up like everyone else.
Well, here we are. Two weeks later, and I've got MORE ANTS than I ever had before. And most of them are congregating on my BABY PUMPKIN PLANTS! My apartment manager tells me that if they are attracted to a plant, and I keep the plant, the ants are no longer the apartment complexes problem. So, I've found a new home for my starts-- with a good friend who will love them, even if she can't protect them from the chilly nights like I've done.
I'd no idea it would be this emotionally wrenching to consider finding a new home for my "Goddess Plant!" I know I'd been daydreaming about how these little sprouts were growing with a combination of sunshine, moonshine, and water I've used in sacred circle rituals... and I know I had plans to harvest the mini pumpkins, dry them, and use them again for All-Hallow's-Eve and Winter Solstice, and maybe even Christmas... but I obviously wasn't looking deeply at this connection I'd made between the life cycle of my plant starts and the greater wheel of days and lives.
I have, however, started spraying everything with peppermint essential oil again. Going on sheer number and speed of the ant invaders this time around-- that stuff was actually doing a VERY good job of keeping the majority of ants at bay! I bought a cheap plastic spray bottle (I recommend using a nice glass one, really)... and put about 5-10 drops of oil in for every 1/2 cup of water it holds. I wasn't messing around. That's one heck of a concentrated spray! To be really effective, you have to respray every few hours, as the oils are not nearly so effective once they dry. And remember that ants can just as easily go up and around, or down and around... so make a complete circle around whatever you are trying to protect.
And put all your foods into closed containers. If cold air won't hurt it, consider putting food you wouldn't normally keep in the fridge-- in the fridge. I'm keeping my cutting boards there for a while as well, actually. I'm even considering putting my nice beeswax candles in the fridge! There's not much in my home that can match the pure beeswax candles for sweetness. And what I have are most likely the same sugar ants that started looking here for sweet things three months ago. ...the number 3 sure has come up a lot with these guys... in fact, all the numbers connected to the situation (that I've kept track of) seem to be related to the Goddess in some way... Well, something more to ponder in my next meditation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)