I recently participated on a Wisdom Council to create the first yearly Wisdom's Feast spirituality conference for women. It was a humbling and glorious experience. Those of us who served on the Wisdom Council were able to meet earlier this week and digest our experiences and learnings from the day-long Conference itself.
And what we all got out of it-- each with her unique experience and perspective-- was greater self-confidence. I have more trust for my intuitive knowledge. She realizes it's okay to be loud and large and visible sometimes. Another woman expressed her boosted confidence in becoming a keynote speaker; and so on. Each of us suddenly has greater respect for our own abilities, and a stronger trust that we can grow to fill a larger space in the world than we previously thought. And this conference made room for all of it.
My workshop was on Intuitive Wisdom and Tarot. The concept of opening one's self to guidance and to self-knowledge on a deeper, intuitive, and Universal plane. This was coupled with the reality that tools like Tarot exist to draw our attention to things we already know, but need to acknowledge or work on in order to move forward productively. And thanks to all the wonderful women who attended my workshop at the Wisdom Conference, the energy in the room was amazing. The workshop was amazing. And I was amazed to find myself a conduit for such a powerful and beautiful group experience that morning.
So I'd like to continue thanking the Goddess for that. For the opportunity to be me, and be enough, and participate in that beautiful learning/teaching experience. I look forward to participating again next year. Next November, at the second annual Wisdom's Feast Conference. It's beginning to look like next year's conference may have a focus on women's experience of transition. On Croning and the role of Crones in our daily spiritual practice. At least, I hope that's the direction we take. There seems to be a lot of energy in that direction right now. And the right people in place to give workshops on those or similar topics. Women in Transition. Women as Bringers of Wisdom. Wisdom's Feast.
Whatever the outcome, I'm confident that She will order all things well.
Showing posts with label Self. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self. Show all posts
Saturday
Wednesday
At the Root
I've been working to strengthen my Root Chakra lately. (Strength is important-- particularly when you've got a cat lying on your arms and you're trying to type.) It has been a roller-coaster couple of weeks, and the timing for having my Root Chakra nice and strong couldn't be better.
Calamity comes in all shapes and sizes, and a bunch of my dear friends have been faced with one calamity or another in the past week or two. And it's a relief to support them all without having to also feel all their pain for them. I used to take on other folks' emotions-- still do sometimes-- but at this point, I've done enough work as a Life Coach/Tarot Reader to be able to separate what *I* am feeling on my own behalf from what I am feeling on SOMEONE ELSE'S behalf.
And so I was tired from all the energy I (gladly) used in support of my friends coping with life-crisis stuff... but I wasn't emotionally overwhelmed or incapacitated by all the grief. And I'm really proud of myself for that.
The Root Chakra, by the way, is the one in charge of our connection with the Earth, our sense of security and belonging, our financial and physical well-being, our safety, our solidity in whatever we are trying to accomplish with our lives, and how well-grounded we are in the way we cope with challenges and with daily life. The Root Chakra is set up and nourished the most strongly in the first two years of our lives. It is the First Chakra, and it is the foundation on which all other Chakra work is done. If your Root Chakra isn't strong, its hard for the rest of you to be strong. Each chakra has a purpose in relation to the others-- and in relation to our life-patterns. And each chakra has a specific "right" attached to it-- like the right to fair representation, only that isn't one of them. For the Root Chakra, you have the right to be here; and the right to have.
It was a weird sort of awareness for me to realize that I've spent most of my life working really hard to make other people look good, and help other people achieve their dreams/goals/successes. And I've spent the last several years not really believing I had a right to my own success, or to use my skills and experiences and abilities to make MYSELF look good. No wonder it's been so hard to find a good-paying job. I never felt like I deserved one!
This whole awareness process started with my SisterSpirit Journaling Group. This session, we are devoting a whole month to each of our chakras. So we started by journaling about our interaction with the Root Chakra's particular meaning and how it shows up in our lives... And since my Instructor says that the Root Chakra is the most solid, and thus takes the most time to really shift or change out of its current form, she gave us the homework of thinking/writing/doing yoga in connection with our Root Chakra every day for the whole month until our next Journaling Group meeting in May.
Now, I know I've been having Root Chakra issues. And reading about my right to have (as in-- have respect, have a safe & secure home, have a good-paying job that I love, have a relationship with someone who really appreciates me, etc) well, it really sank in that I have some foundation work to do-- some Root work, if you will. I've made a point of focusing on that stuff for a few minutes every day. And I can feel the difference. I'm a lot better grounded than I was a few weeks ago. Thank goodness, considering all the challenges that have come up since then.
Even the visit to the Family Farm couldn't have been better-timed. OH-- and I finally broke down and bought some freeze-dried nettle leaf capsules (instead of relying solely on my home-brew nettle tincture)-- and they are SO controlling my allergies with NO side effects!!! YAY for uninterrupted sleep!! (Except of course, that Abbigale continues to throw up a little too frequently this week, and I had to jump out of bed an hour before my alarm so I could give her some tummy meds-- which did work this time, thank goodness!)
May your Way be strewn with fulfillment, and the blessings of a life well-lived.
Calamity comes in all shapes and sizes, and a bunch of my dear friends have been faced with one calamity or another in the past week or two. And it's a relief to support them all without having to also feel all their pain for them. I used to take on other folks' emotions-- still do sometimes-- but at this point, I've done enough work as a Life Coach/Tarot Reader to be able to separate what *I* am feeling on my own behalf from what I am feeling on SOMEONE ELSE'S behalf.
And so I was tired from all the energy I (gladly) used in support of my friends coping with life-crisis stuff... but I wasn't emotionally overwhelmed or incapacitated by all the grief. And I'm really proud of myself for that.
The Root Chakra, by the way, is the one in charge of our connection with the Earth, our sense of security and belonging, our financial and physical well-being, our safety, our solidity in whatever we are trying to accomplish with our lives, and how well-grounded we are in the way we cope with challenges and with daily life. The Root Chakra is set up and nourished the most strongly in the first two years of our lives. It is the First Chakra, and it is the foundation on which all other Chakra work is done. If your Root Chakra isn't strong, its hard for the rest of you to be strong. Each chakra has a purpose in relation to the others-- and in relation to our life-patterns. And each chakra has a specific "right" attached to it-- like the right to fair representation, only that isn't one of them. For the Root Chakra, you have the right to be here; and the right to have.
It was a weird sort of awareness for me to realize that I've spent most of my life working really hard to make other people look good, and help other people achieve their dreams/goals/successes. And I've spent the last several years not really believing I had a right to my own success, or to use my skills and experiences and abilities to make MYSELF look good. No wonder it's been so hard to find a good-paying job. I never felt like I deserved one!
This whole awareness process started with my SisterSpirit Journaling Group. This session, we are devoting a whole month to each of our chakras. So we started by journaling about our interaction with the Root Chakra's particular meaning and how it shows up in our lives... And since my Instructor says that the Root Chakra is the most solid, and thus takes the most time to really shift or change out of its current form, she gave us the homework of thinking/writing/doing yoga in connection with our Root Chakra every day for the whole month until our next Journaling Group meeting in May.
Now, I know I've been having Root Chakra issues. And reading about my right to have (as in-- have respect, have a safe & secure home, have a good-paying job that I love, have a relationship with someone who really appreciates me, etc) well, it really sank in that I have some foundation work to do-- some Root work, if you will. I've made a point of focusing on that stuff for a few minutes every day. And I can feel the difference. I'm a lot better grounded than I was a few weeks ago. Thank goodness, considering all the challenges that have come up since then.
Even the visit to the Family Farm couldn't have been better-timed. OH-- and I finally broke down and bought some freeze-dried nettle leaf capsules (instead of relying solely on my home-brew nettle tincture)-- and they are SO controlling my allergies with NO side effects!!! YAY for uninterrupted sleep!! (Except of course, that Abbigale continues to throw up a little too frequently this week, and I had to jump out of bed an hour before my alarm so I could give her some tummy meds-- which did work this time, thank goodness!)
May your Way be strewn with fulfillment, and the blessings of a life well-lived.
Monday
Admittance
It has taken me several years of hard work to be able to identify my emotions. I had emotions, and I expressed emotions (usually, the ones that got expressed were what I thought I was SUPPOSED to be feeling)... but I had become so focused on figuring out the emotional needs of the people around me that I actually lost track of my own.
Anger was one of the hardest emotions. To recognize that a behavior or situation made me angry was to put my own needs first, and I loved the people I was with too much to do that. It took a lot of hard work for me to realize that I HAVE to put myself first-- I MUST respect myself and my needs-- because if I don't, NOBODY ELSE WILL EITHER. It was a painful lesson, and a long time coming.
Often now, I take an hour or so at the end of a conversation to re-evaluate what was said, and really check in with how I feel about it, and about what was or was not done before and after the conversation. Conversations become a two-part process, wherein I check back with the person I was talking to, and clarify any reactions that I've had since we talked.
I know now that I cannot actually control my emotions-- and that suppressing them is bad for my health and for my relationships. I know that what I CAN control is how I act in a given situation, or as a result of how I feel. I don't have to act out every emotion I have-- and I can find healthy respectful ways to share how I'm feeling-- or to release the emotions privately.
I'm getting better at admitting it when something does make me mad. I realize that usually, there's a very good reason for me to feel that way. And out of respect for and love of myself, I deserve better than that. It's not that I ignore or discount the needs and feelings of the people around me--far from it. Instead, I recognize that life is about change, and about working with others as a community-- for the greatest good. For the good of the whole-- including me.
Life energy-- Goddess Energy-- flows through us all. To disrespect or disregard ourselves is to dis Her. Take responsibility for yourself-- your actions, your reactions, how you interact with other people and with the Earth, AND take responsibility for your needs. It is up to you to satisfy them.
Anger was one of the hardest emotions. To recognize that a behavior or situation made me angry was to put my own needs first, and I loved the people I was with too much to do that. It took a lot of hard work for me to realize that I HAVE to put myself first-- I MUST respect myself and my needs-- because if I don't, NOBODY ELSE WILL EITHER. It was a painful lesson, and a long time coming.
Often now, I take an hour or so at the end of a conversation to re-evaluate what was said, and really check in with how I feel about it, and about what was or was not done before and after the conversation. Conversations become a two-part process, wherein I check back with the person I was talking to, and clarify any reactions that I've had since we talked.
I know now that I cannot actually control my emotions-- and that suppressing them is bad for my health and for my relationships. I know that what I CAN control is how I act in a given situation, or as a result of how I feel. I don't have to act out every emotion I have-- and I can find healthy respectful ways to share how I'm feeling-- or to release the emotions privately.
I'm getting better at admitting it when something does make me mad. I realize that usually, there's a very good reason for me to feel that way. And out of respect for and love of myself, I deserve better than that. It's not that I ignore or discount the needs and feelings of the people around me--far from it. Instead, I recognize that life is about change, and about working with others as a community-- for the greatest good. For the good of the whole-- including me.
Life energy-- Goddess Energy-- flows through us all. To disrespect or disregard ourselves is to dis Her. Take responsibility for yourself-- your actions, your reactions, how you interact with other people and with the Earth, AND take responsibility for your needs. It is up to you to satisfy them.
Tuesday
Being Present
I woke up to the sound of drills and hammers this morning, and the occasional circular saw. My neighbors are remodeling-- directly across from my open bedroom window.
Then, sitting there trying to recapture my dream (I'd just rescued some VERY TINY puppies and was getting them to nurse on a very accommodating mommy dog who wasn't theirs.)... I realized that even through the stressful noises of the remodel, I could hear the birds singing their bright hello to the sun. I had a warm bed, a purring kitty, a good breakfast to look forward to (and leftovers in the fridge for lunch-- yum!). I'd even slept well, and I've finally figured out that my kitty is allergic to fish and shellfish, so the floor this morning is still as clean, dry, and puke-free as it was when I went to bed. I feel physically fit-- better than I have in a good six years-- though I still have some work to do before my body matches my healthy and realistic goals.
I realized that this morning is a wonderful metaphor for my life at the moment. I'm awakening to possibility. I'm making a lot of changes in what I do, how I do it, and why. Remodeling. And it's stressful, and sometimes noisy and disturbing... but the end result will be a self I can really live with and enjoy-- someone beautiful from the inside out, and sound of mind, body, and spirit. I may be stressed, and still looking for work... but under it all, I still feel great joy to greet each day, and I am grateful for all that I do have right now.
It's a funny sort of kinship I feel with those birds this morning-- I feel the sun. I love the beauty of the dew and the new spider webs. I think I'll catch a good fat job offer, or maybe just a juicy bit of breakfast to share with the other birds sharing my nest today. I'm getting ready to spread my wings-- and soar upward toward possibility.
For all the "I'd rather's" in my life... I'm so glad to have today! It's nice to be able to appreciate the moment I'm in, especially after living so many years on dreams of "someday, it'll be okay." I know I'm on a good path, and I feel the energy of the Earth and the Mother flowing through me. I may not be able to see my next step yet, but I trust that it's there, and that everything around me will be beautiful.
Blessings Be.
Then, sitting there trying to recapture my dream (I'd just rescued some VERY TINY puppies and was getting them to nurse on a very accommodating mommy dog who wasn't theirs.)... I realized that even through the stressful noises of the remodel, I could hear the birds singing their bright hello to the sun. I had a warm bed, a purring kitty, a good breakfast to look forward to (and leftovers in the fridge for lunch-- yum!). I'd even slept well, and I've finally figured out that my kitty is allergic to fish and shellfish, so the floor this morning is still as clean, dry, and puke-free as it was when I went to bed. I feel physically fit-- better than I have in a good six years-- though I still have some work to do before my body matches my healthy and realistic goals.
I realized that this morning is a wonderful metaphor for my life at the moment. I'm awakening to possibility. I'm making a lot of changes in what I do, how I do it, and why. Remodeling. And it's stressful, and sometimes noisy and disturbing... but the end result will be a self I can really live with and enjoy-- someone beautiful from the inside out, and sound of mind, body, and spirit. I may be stressed, and still looking for work... but under it all, I still feel great joy to greet each day, and I am grateful for all that I do have right now.
It's a funny sort of kinship I feel with those birds this morning-- I feel the sun. I love the beauty of the dew and the new spider webs. I think I'll catch a good fat job offer, or maybe just a juicy bit of breakfast to share with the other birds sharing my nest today. I'm getting ready to spread my wings-- and soar upward toward possibility.
For all the "I'd rather's" in my life... I'm so glad to have today! It's nice to be able to appreciate the moment I'm in, especially after living so many years on dreams of "someday, it'll be okay." I know I'm on a good path, and I feel the energy of the Earth and the Mother flowing through me. I may not be able to see my next step yet, but I trust that it's there, and that everything around me will be beautiful.
Blessings Be.
Thursday
Summer Journeys
Well, there went June... and hey-- most of July, too!
June was amazing. I joined in the Sun Fest celebration 2008 in Oregon, and met many new and wonderful artists and friends. Because of the rain, we were able to build our bonfire high every night, with sparks shooting 10 and 20 feet in the air. Gorgeous!
Truly, I celebrated Midsummer in all her glory and release.
Since then, I've struggled with my proclivity to expect the universe to order herself to my expectations. I'm learning, slowly, to let go, and to be open to possibility. Amazing and serendipitous events occur if we are only open and available to notice and enjoy them. Truly, it has been a magickal summer for me. My body is healing, my network of healthy and intelligent friends is growing, and my life tastes very sweet. Almost as sweet as the berries that someone hand-picked and left as a surprise on our doorstep one early morning! Such a loving and thoughtful gift from someone.
Blessed Be...
June was amazing. I joined in the Sun Fest celebration 2008 in Oregon, and met many new and wonderful artists and friends. Because of the rain, we were able to build our bonfire high every night, with sparks shooting 10 and 20 feet in the air. Gorgeous!
Truly, I celebrated Midsummer in all her glory and release.
Since then, I've struggled with my proclivity to expect the universe to order herself to my expectations. I'm learning, slowly, to let go, and to be open to possibility. Amazing and serendipitous events occur if we are only open and available to notice and enjoy them. Truly, it has been a magickal summer for me. My body is healing, my network of healthy and intelligent friends is growing, and my life tastes very sweet. Almost as sweet as the berries that someone hand-picked and left as a surprise on our doorstep one early morning! Such a loving and thoughtful gift from someone.
Blessed Be...
Tuesday
Finding Time
This is actually a post about Yoga. Or maybe it's about what I think it means to honor the Goddess with my life. Maybe I'm just talking about how hard it is to take time out of my day for me... and how I connect that with being female in this time and place. Maybe it's something else all together. As I wrote it, the post just kept getting longer and longer... I think I'm worried that I didn't share this lesson well enough, or that I'm talking to people who only exist in my head... I'm worried that I will sound pitiful, or worse-- preachy... I sometimes think that we, as women, often have too hard a time recognizing our own wisdom and our own worth... So I'm not going to cut this one down to a more manageable size. I think it's important. Whatever it is.
See, there's this list of "someday" goals in my head. The ones I never do find time to commit to-- ones that don't put food on the table, a roof over my head, and don't benefit anyone but me. This is where I keep my desires like spending a whole week at a bed-and-breakfast on the beach, instead of using my vacation time and money on a trip to Michigan with my family every year... The list that has my wish to learn how to make bread-- good old hearty nutty flavorful bread. My desire for a gym membership ended up on this list, too. With a limited income, a weekly lunch with the people I love is just more important, for the price. And I still haven't found energy or supplies to build that Navajo Loom I want to play with-- nor research what kind of string I'd need to warp it with. Come to think of it-- when would I have time?
I'm not willing to give up my sleep-- the whole "get up 30 minutes earlier" plan just sounds like a way to substitute one healthy thing for another when I hear it. Less sleep, but more exercise... is that really helping me? Or less sleep but more time to write, more time to meditate, more time for a walk every day, more time to fix a healthy lunch before I go to work-- Suddenly I wonder if I shouldn't just be staying up all night to find the extra time I want for ALL the things I want to enjoy in my day!
So I'm not going to give up sleep to improve my life. That's an oxymoron waiting to happen. But I do want to include more good stuff in the time that I'm awake (and fewer morons). Maybe I don't need as much time checking email before I start my day. Maybe I don't need as much time watching movies to unwind at night before bed. Maybe I need to start out slowly. Maybe I already have.
I found a book on Yoga-- it has a 5-minute routine in it. And once I made time for five minutes of yoga in my morning prep... it wasn't so hard to move up to the 15-minute version the book also offers. Heck! I might eventually work my way up to the 90-minute yoga routine the book includes before the year is gone! And I found a book called Gardener's Yoga, by Veronica D'Orazio (Sasquatch Books, 2006).
The book is split into three sections. The first section is a preparation for working the earth, and coincidentally contains about ten minutes of "getting started" Yoga poses. The second section is another ten minutes of Yoga, this time geared toward stretching out the kinks that come from all that weeding and squatting down. The last ten minute section is for the end of the day, to help your body relax after hard work. I love how well the poses flow into one another, and I love how well they are integrated into the seasons and the phases of the garden.
I've realized that the hard part about taking care of me has always been getting started. I've had trouble committing myself to spending large chunks of my time doing selfish things. And in my head, I thought of the things I want to do just for me-- like Yoga and writing and meditating and weaving... I've thought of them as a selfish way to spend my time. But on the days I do them, I'm a better worker at my day job, and I grow stronger as a person. I feel healthy, and I have more patience with the world. So for now, I may only spend ten minutes doing Yoga in the morning, but I'm learning to feel good about that. I see it as a foundation for more good things to grow from. I'm learning that taking good care of me has a good impact on the people around me, too. It's not wrong to love and care for myself. In fact, nobody else can do it better.
Even better, I've learned that there are specific poses in Yoga that are meant to unblock and open a body's Chakras-- and I'm incorporating some of the poses for stimulating the First Chakra into my routine. Maybe I didn't have to find the time so much as I had to convince myself that I am worth spending quality time on. ...And that I don't have to start doing it all at once. I certainly didn't learn that one from my mother, or my ex-husband. In fact, most women I know have a very hard time (there's that word again!!) doing things for themselves in a consistent way. There's always something more important they could be doing. But here's the challenge-- if YOU don't think you're important, nobody else will either. And that is wrong. You are important. Worth doing good things for.
I don't mean the extra chocolate bar when you've had a bad day... (well, not JUST that!) I mean that 20 minutes of uninterrupted meditation in a quiet room every night so you can sleep comfortably. I mean that hour on the phone with your family or your best friend who moved away five years ago-- every weekend, without trying to multi-task while you talk. I mean the five minutes you spend standing still to enjoy the beauty of a tree, and just BREATHE for a minute, as you rush between buildings, meetings, and soccer practice every afternoon. I mean that 10 minutes I'm spending on my Yoga every morning before work, and the effort it takes to keep a clean spot on the floor big enough to do it in. I mean refusing to stay up that extra half an hour at night to get everyone else ready for the next day-- while they sleep.
Somehow, we've learned that the job must be done right, and we're the only ones who can do the job that way. Somehow, we've agreed to take on the responsibility for the success or failure of every dream our family (even our society) has-- without including our dreams on the list. We take the leftovers. We take the hand-me-down computer. We don't ask for someone to do their share of the chores-- we ask them to help us out a little with the chores we do. We make the kids' lunch and work a 60 hour week. We scrimp and save our pennies so someone else can have their heart's desire. Someone who already spent their pennies on something frivolous and fun.
I don't mean to dishonor our sacrifices, and I know this isn't everyone's reality. I actually hold a great respect for the importance of compassion, of love. But that's just it. Compassion, Love, long-term planning, Sharing and Giving are IMPORTANT, and WORTHY OF RESPECT. And another thing I've learned-- from my own life and from watching those I love-- is that if we continue to give and give without ever replenishing ourselves, we burn out, and we eventually have nothing left to give to anyone.
So-- please-- make a difference in your own quality of life, long-term. Like ten minutes of Yoga before breakfast, or ten minutes of solitude before bed. Now that I've learned how to find the time, I am determined not to lose it again. I want to enjoy my life. I want to experience abundance so that I can share it whole-heartedly, without running dry. I want to honor the Goddess by honoring myself, and the women around me. I'm worth it. She's worth it. You're worth it. Slow down, and give yourself time to recharge.
I am doing my best to honor my Goddess, the Great Spirit, with my life. I want to be my best self while I do it, and that means loving myself just as much as I love everyone else. That means it's okay to put my own needs first. To ensure that I have the strength and endurance to be there when others need me. It's okay to teach by my example that compassion and respect belong to everyone, not just an exclusive few.
So... What will you find time for today?... what about tomorrow?
See, there's this list of "someday" goals in my head. The ones I never do find time to commit to-- ones that don't put food on the table, a roof over my head, and don't benefit anyone but me. This is where I keep my desires like spending a whole week at a bed-and-breakfast on the beach, instead of using my vacation time and money on a trip to Michigan with my family every year... The list that has my wish to learn how to make bread-- good old hearty nutty flavorful bread. My desire for a gym membership ended up on this list, too. With a limited income, a weekly lunch with the people I love is just more important, for the price. And I still haven't found energy or supplies to build that Navajo Loom I want to play with-- nor research what kind of string I'd need to warp it with. Come to think of it-- when would I have time?
I'm not willing to give up my sleep-- the whole "get up 30 minutes earlier" plan just sounds like a way to substitute one healthy thing for another when I hear it. Less sleep, but more exercise... is that really helping me? Or less sleep but more time to write, more time to meditate, more time for a walk every day, more time to fix a healthy lunch before I go to work-- Suddenly I wonder if I shouldn't just be staying up all night to find the extra time I want for ALL the things I want to enjoy in my day!
So I'm not going to give up sleep to improve my life. That's an oxymoron waiting to happen. But I do want to include more good stuff in the time that I'm awake (and fewer morons). Maybe I don't need as much time checking email before I start my day. Maybe I don't need as much time watching movies to unwind at night before bed. Maybe I need to start out slowly. Maybe I already have.
I found a book on Yoga-- it has a 5-minute routine in it. And once I made time for five minutes of yoga in my morning prep... it wasn't so hard to move up to the 15-minute version the book also offers. Heck! I might eventually work my way up to the 90-minute yoga routine the book includes before the year is gone! And I found a book called Gardener's Yoga, by Veronica D'Orazio (Sasquatch Books, 2006).
The book is split into three sections. The first section is a preparation for working the earth, and coincidentally contains about ten minutes of "getting started" Yoga poses. The second section is another ten minutes of Yoga, this time geared toward stretching out the kinks that come from all that weeding and squatting down. The last ten minute section is for the end of the day, to help your body relax after hard work. I love how well the poses flow into one another, and I love how well they are integrated into the seasons and the phases of the garden.
I've realized that the hard part about taking care of me has always been getting started. I've had trouble committing myself to spending large chunks of my time doing selfish things. And in my head, I thought of the things I want to do just for me-- like Yoga and writing and meditating and weaving... I've thought of them as a selfish way to spend my time. But on the days I do them, I'm a better worker at my day job, and I grow stronger as a person. I feel healthy, and I have more patience with the world. So for now, I may only spend ten minutes doing Yoga in the morning, but I'm learning to feel good about that. I see it as a foundation for more good things to grow from. I'm learning that taking good care of me has a good impact on the people around me, too. It's not wrong to love and care for myself. In fact, nobody else can do it better.
Even better, I've learned that there are specific poses in Yoga that are meant to unblock and open a body's Chakras-- and I'm incorporating some of the poses for stimulating the First Chakra into my routine. Maybe I didn't have to find the time so much as I had to convince myself that I am worth spending quality time on. ...And that I don't have to start doing it all at once. I certainly didn't learn that one from my mother, or my ex-husband. In fact, most women I know have a very hard time (there's that word again!!) doing things for themselves in a consistent way. There's always something more important they could be doing. But here's the challenge-- if YOU don't think you're important, nobody else will either. And that is wrong. You are important. Worth doing good things for.
I don't mean the extra chocolate bar when you've had a bad day... (well, not JUST that!) I mean that 20 minutes of uninterrupted meditation in a quiet room every night so you can sleep comfortably. I mean that hour on the phone with your family or your best friend who moved away five years ago-- every weekend, without trying to multi-task while you talk. I mean the five minutes you spend standing still to enjoy the beauty of a tree, and just BREATHE for a minute, as you rush between buildings, meetings, and soccer practice every afternoon. I mean that 10 minutes I'm spending on my Yoga every morning before work, and the effort it takes to keep a clean spot on the floor big enough to do it in. I mean refusing to stay up that extra half an hour at night to get everyone else ready for the next day-- while they sleep.
Somehow, we've learned that the job must be done right, and we're the only ones who can do the job that way. Somehow, we've agreed to take on the responsibility for the success or failure of every dream our family (even our society) has-- without including our dreams on the list. We take the leftovers. We take the hand-me-down computer. We don't ask for someone to do their share of the chores-- we ask them to help us out a little with the chores we do. We make the kids' lunch and work a 60 hour week. We scrimp and save our pennies so someone else can have their heart's desire. Someone who already spent their pennies on something frivolous and fun.
I don't mean to dishonor our sacrifices, and I know this isn't everyone's reality. I actually hold a great respect for the importance of compassion, of love. But that's just it. Compassion, Love, long-term planning, Sharing and Giving are IMPORTANT, and WORTHY OF RESPECT. And another thing I've learned-- from my own life and from watching those I love-- is that if we continue to give and give without ever replenishing ourselves, we burn out, and we eventually have nothing left to give to anyone.
So-- please-- make a difference in your own quality of life, long-term. Like ten minutes of Yoga before breakfast, or ten minutes of solitude before bed. Now that I've learned how to find the time, I am determined not to lose it again. I want to enjoy my life. I want to experience abundance so that I can share it whole-heartedly, without running dry. I want to honor the Goddess by honoring myself, and the women around me. I'm worth it. She's worth it. You're worth it. Slow down, and give yourself time to recharge.
I am doing my best to honor my Goddess, the Great Spirit, with my life. I want to be my best self while I do it, and that means loving myself just as much as I love everyone else. That means it's okay to put my own needs first. To ensure that I have the strength and endurance to be there when others need me. It's okay to teach by my example that compassion and respect belong to everyone, not just an exclusive few.
So... What will you find time for today?... what about tomorrow?
Monday
For Every Season a Purpose...
There's an old song that my parents used to listen to about how everything and time turns turns turns, and for every season there is a purpose, for everything... At least, that's my vague memory of it. My parents were fringe hippies, and are now in denial about it all. At least when their daughter might hear them.
And I really think this is a great time, and it is serving an important purpose. On many levels. We're coming up on Midsummer-- on the Summer Solstice. We celebrate our parents on their special days. We celebrate the turning of the Earth, and the longest day of Sun. We're coming to the fulcrum of change. On this day, traditionally, bonfires are lit, and couples dance around them and leap over the flames for good luck and prosperity. They celebrate courage and fire and the importance of the hearth and the home, around which the rest of our lives spin. From Spring Maiden to Summer Mother to Fall Crone to Winter's rest-- around and around we go.
Coincidentally, I've been doing a bit of deep research on Wisdom, on Hestia (Goddess of the Hearth) and Athena and a host of other central Goddess figures from the Ancient Past. Astarte, Inanna, Ishtar, Saraswati and others. Midsummer is a celebration of the Goddess, and a celebration of Abundance. An opportunity to ground ourselves in the warmth and the strength of the Harvest and the central hearth. I learned that Hestia is the One who receives first and last offerings-- always. Every altar and offering fire was considered a hearth, and Hestia-- who was first and last daughter of the ancient gods, and both oldest and youngest sister of Zeus-- Hestia's right was to receive the first of any offering or any meal or any honor.
Without grounding ourselves, without being centered around our home hearth (whether our childhood home, the home we created for ourselves as adults, or the core grounded center of our being-- the deep red of the root chakra at the bottom of our spine)-- Without that strong base on which to build, our lives would be only dreams and ideas and wishes and wind. Every chakra-- every sense and energy center in our bodies-- is important. But MOST important is our individual connection to Mother Earth-- to our root and our foundation of being, of existence.
Following this train of reasoning and awareness (it may not be yours, but it makes sense to me), I suddenly remembered that my journey into Paganism and into self-hood started with my root chakra. I was searching for a way to feel sturdy on my feet. My whole life was new, with only a few blocks for a foundation and the rubble of my old life laying all around. (divorce, move, new job, buy a mattress and a chair, start going to school...)
I found a book about Chakras on sale, and picked it up. It reminded me of the wise woman (my Aunt) who had once been my anchor, so I took the book home and began to read. I realized that I felt no connection to my physical world-- to my reality-- and I started to follow many of the book's suggestions about unblocking the first chakra, about strengthening my roots and my spiritual/energy foundation. This led me to remember my wise Aunt's work with Essential Oils, with crystals and rocks. And that, my friends, is how everything started. One random book.
It was exactly what I needed. More books followed the first, and I learned that there were names for the things I believed, for the energies I sensed and the ideas I had about how one could truly connect with Spirit. Other people had the same ideas, and had more knowledge to share with me-- via their books-- me, to whom each thing was somehow new. I became caught up in my journey of exploration. I studied herbs, crystals, oils, symbols, tarot cards and trees. My intellectual and spiritual world expanded. And I forgot about my root, my need for a sturdy foundation.
So here we are, nearly two years later. About to celebrate the foundation of society-- the Earth, her Bounty, the Goddess who gives us Life and Courage and Love, and the Fire that gives us light, heat, and a place to call home. And I am reminded of my own beginning steps along this path. I am reminded that my own foundations still need attention. I've been dreaming of my ideal job, living on student loans, and wishing for something amazing to happen. I've been searching for a job (which means I'd finally live someplace intentional-- have a home; I'd finally have a livable income-- have security and a way to create the things I've only dreamed; I'd finally have started a career-- have a foundation for my future to grow from) ...I've been searching for a job for six months. Granted, part of that time was spent still in school, but it's been long enough for something good to manifest.
I just couldn't figure out what was missing. Why all my aspirations remained as dust in the wind, and none of my grand plans seemed to work out in real life. But that's the thing of it. I may have built a foundation of education, of knowledge and ideas (all related to the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh chakras)-- but I didn't build a physical foundation, I didn't ground and center my dreams and my efforts in reality-- not even my Spirit had a solid grounding. How could I hope to build a fine big (earth-friendly) structure if I didn't have anything to build it ON?! So I've returned to my Root Chakra practices. I'm unblocking my connection and my Earth Energy. I'm choosing to embody my dreams in a very real sense, and I look forward to experiencing the results.
Best wishes this Season, to you and yours. May your harvest be plentiful, your family strong, and your dreams of a beautiful future grounded in the reality of today.
And I really think this is a great time, and it is serving an important purpose. On many levels. We're coming up on Midsummer-- on the Summer Solstice. We celebrate our parents on their special days. We celebrate the turning of the Earth, and the longest day of Sun. We're coming to the fulcrum of change. On this day, traditionally, bonfires are lit, and couples dance around them and leap over the flames for good luck and prosperity. They celebrate courage and fire and the importance of the hearth and the home, around which the rest of our lives spin. From Spring Maiden to Summer Mother to Fall Crone to Winter's rest-- around and around we go.
Coincidentally, I've been doing a bit of deep research on Wisdom, on Hestia (Goddess of the Hearth) and Athena and a host of other central Goddess figures from the Ancient Past. Astarte, Inanna, Ishtar, Saraswati and others. Midsummer is a celebration of the Goddess, and a celebration of Abundance. An opportunity to ground ourselves in the warmth and the strength of the Harvest and the central hearth. I learned that Hestia is the One who receives first and last offerings-- always. Every altar and offering fire was considered a hearth, and Hestia-- who was first and last daughter of the ancient gods, and both oldest and youngest sister of Zeus-- Hestia's right was to receive the first of any offering or any meal or any honor.
Without grounding ourselves, without being centered around our home hearth (whether our childhood home, the home we created for ourselves as adults, or the core grounded center of our being-- the deep red of the root chakra at the bottom of our spine)-- Without that strong base on which to build, our lives would be only dreams and ideas and wishes and wind. Every chakra-- every sense and energy center in our bodies-- is important. But MOST important is our individual connection to Mother Earth-- to our root and our foundation of being, of existence.
Following this train of reasoning and awareness (it may not be yours, but it makes sense to me), I suddenly remembered that my journey into Paganism and into self-hood started with my root chakra. I was searching for a way to feel sturdy on my feet. My whole life was new, with only a few blocks for a foundation and the rubble of my old life laying all around. (divorce, move, new job, buy a mattress and a chair, start going to school...)
I found a book about Chakras on sale, and picked it up. It reminded me of the wise woman (my Aunt) who had once been my anchor, so I took the book home and began to read. I realized that I felt no connection to my physical world-- to my reality-- and I started to follow many of the book's suggestions about unblocking the first chakra, about strengthening my roots and my spiritual/energy foundation. This led me to remember my wise Aunt's work with Essential Oils, with crystals and rocks. And that, my friends, is how everything started. One random book.
It was exactly what I needed. More books followed the first, and I learned that there were names for the things I believed, for the energies I sensed and the ideas I had about how one could truly connect with Spirit. Other people had the same ideas, and had more knowledge to share with me-- via their books-- me, to whom each thing was somehow new. I became caught up in my journey of exploration. I studied herbs, crystals, oils, symbols, tarot cards and trees. My intellectual and spiritual world expanded. And I forgot about my root, my need for a sturdy foundation.
So here we are, nearly two years later. About to celebrate the foundation of society-- the Earth, her Bounty, the Goddess who gives us Life and Courage and Love, and the Fire that gives us light, heat, and a place to call home. And I am reminded of my own beginning steps along this path. I am reminded that my own foundations still need attention. I've been dreaming of my ideal job, living on student loans, and wishing for something amazing to happen. I've been searching for a job (which means I'd finally live someplace intentional-- have a home; I'd finally have a livable income-- have security and a way to create the things I've only dreamed; I'd finally have started a career-- have a foundation for my future to grow from) ...I've been searching for a job for six months. Granted, part of that time was spent still in school, but it's been long enough for something good to manifest.
I just couldn't figure out what was missing. Why all my aspirations remained as dust in the wind, and none of my grand plans seemed to work out in real life. But that's the thing of it. I may have built a foundation of education, of knowledge and ideas (all related to the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh chakras)-- but I didn't build a physical foundation, I didn't ground and center my dreams and my efforts in reality-- not even my Spirit had a solid grounding. How could I hope to build a fine big (earth-friendly) structure if I didn't have anything to build it ON?! So I've returned to my Root Chakra practices. I'm unblocking my connection and my Earth Energy. I'm choosing to embody my dreams in a very real sense, and I look forward to experiencing the results.
Best wishes this Season, to you and yours. May your harvest be plentiful, your family strong, and your dreams of a beautiful future grounded in the reality of today.
Thursday
Equinox, Full Moon, Eostara
This is an auspicious few days! We have an intersection between the Spring (vernal) Equinox (today), a Full Moon (tomorrow), and the official day of celebration for the Goddess Eostara, whose symbols include red, eggs, and bunnies. Officially, this became Easter, the day Jeasus rose from his cave, I think. Funny that the day of fertility, celebrating birth, mothering, and the Goddess should be turned into the day of rebirth-- but keep it's symbolic eggs, bunnies, and dyes.
I know Astarte is usually celebrated around the Winter Solstice, but I truly feel a connection to her today. As if the evening star has some greater significance in the advent of Spring. She, like Eostara, is a mother figure, and Spring is the time of birth, or rebirth of the son and the Sun... Perhaps it is not so strange that I should be drawn to Goddess as Mother at this time, then.
To celebrate, I'll be doing a bit of Spring Cleaning, taking a walk in a truly beautiful garden that bursts with fresh new leaves and growing things, and laughing with an old friend. Today it is my gift to honor the Mother that encourages me to spend time preparing my home and hearth, and to spend time honoring Spring, honoring changes and growth, new possibilities, and Creative Energy. I also intend to devote some time to my crafts today. Mixing ointments for healing, sewing a few final touches onto my latest hand-crafted Tarot Bags for PaganFaire, and of course, loving the bold beauty of the full moon as she bathes me in hope for the future and in the wilde pagan light of my ancestors this night.
The world is full of possibility, and all that is needed is hope, intention, and good living.
Blessings Be.
I know Astarte is usually celebrated around the Winter Solstice, but I truly feel a connection to her today. As if the evening star has some greater significance in the advent of Spring. She, like Eostara, is a mother figure, and Spring is the time of birth, or rebirth of the son and the Sun... Perhaps it is not so strange that I should be drawn to Goddess as Mother at this time, then.
To celebrate, I'll be doing a bit of Spring Cleaning, taking a walk in a truly beautiful garden that bursts with fresh new leaves and growing things, and laughing with an old friend. Today it is my gift to honor the Mother that encourages me to spend time preparing my home and hearth, and to spend time honoring Spring, honoring changes and growth, new possibilities, and Creative Energy. I also intend to devote some time to my crafts today. Mixing ointments for healing, sewing a few final touches onto my latest hand-crafted Tarot Bags for PaganFaire, and of course, loving the bold beauty of the full moon as she bathes me in hope for the future and in the wilde pagan light of my ancestors this night.
The world is full of possibility, and all that is needed is hope, intention, and good living.
Blessings Be.
Creating Truth
Went to my Pagan Journaling group again this week. It was amazing and wonderful and full of discoveries as usual. I found out that, like Dianic Wiccan, Kitchen Witches, and other theologies within pagan spirituality, there is a belief system for the Wise Woman. I look forward to learning more about it. Right now, all I know is that there are no set dogmas or required beliefs-- unlike Dianic or Georgian or Faerie. The basic goal of the Wise Woman is to connect with her greater wisdom-- with the universal wisdom of the spirit self. I like that.
I also learned that the group leader has a book coming out soon-- one she is self-publishing in small batches to match her available assets. It is a series of writing exercises to help survivors of abuse move forward with their lives, reconnect with their emotions, acknowledge their pain and anger, and then move forward with their lives. I want a copy. There are few women in my life who would NOT want a copy. To her surprise, she's actually already sold out her first printing, before it has printed! I'm hoping she will do another few batches-- I want to get a copy for a friend of mine.
I get so much out of the exercises and journaling moments she leads us through in our group-- I think how much more I would get out of following a journey like that over many days. This week, we worked on Affirmations. We journalled to find our passion in life-- the thing that we love doing and that heals us as we do it-- and then we worked to write out the meaning behind our discovery. Now, our homework is to use that writing as a basis for creating Affirmations for ourselves. Affirmations are present-tense, positively worded (Ex: You don't want to say "I don't make a mess." You want to say "I keep my home clean."), short, and clear. If the sentence you come up with doesn't resonate, then keep re-writing and re-wording it until it does. THAT is an Affirmation. And the more often you read it, speak it, and think it to yourself, the more that becomes a part of your reality.
Powerful stuff, Affirmations.
It was interesting, too, the discussion we had about our findings. We talked about our awareness that true creativity must come from a person's true self. It is very hard not to come face to face with who and what and how and why you really are, with your inner self, when you create something-- paint it, write it, whatever your artistic medium. Copying the work of others, or making a boring painting or quilt-- well, that happens when we don't open ourselves to the act of creation-- to our passion. It happens when we avoid who we really are. Creating is a risk. Not because someone might not like it, but because we have to see who we really are, and put THAT on the page before us. We have to experience passion in a world where passion is highly controlled and highly criticized. The risk is in putting ourselves out to be judged. And we are our own toughest critics.
So an Affirmation or three or four or ten-- ABOUT OUR PASSION-- well, that might just be the break through that changes our whole way of living and expressing and acknowledging our inner selves. I'm excited. I want to know myself better. I want to like myself better. I want to be better.
To Your Health!
Saphoro
I also learned that the group leader has a book coming out soon-- one she is self-publishing in small batches to match her available assets. It is a series of writing exercises to help survivors of abuse move forward with their lives, reconnect with their emotions, acknowledge their pain and anger, and then move forward with their lives. I want a copy. There are few women in my life who would NOT want a copy. To her surprise, she's actually already sold out her first printing, before it has printed! I'm hoping she will do another few batches-- I want to get a copy for a friend of mine.
I get so much out of the exercises and journaling moments she leads us through in our group-- I think how much more I would get out of following a journey like that over many days. This week, we worked on Affirmations. We journalled to find our passion in life-- the thing that we love doing and that heals us as we do it-- and then we worked to write out the meaning behind our discovery. Now, our homework is to use that writing as a basis for creating Affirmations for ourselves. Affirmations are present-tense, positively worded (Ex: You don't want to say "I don't make a mess." You want to say "I keep my home clean."), short, and clear. If the sentence you come up with doesn't resonate, then keep re-writing and re-wording it until it does. THAT is an Affirmation. And the more often you read it, speak it, and think it to yourself, the more that becomes a part of your reality.
Powerful stuff, Affirmations.
It was interesting, too, the discussion we had about our findings. We talked about our awareness that true creativity must come from a person's true self. It is very hard not to come face to face with who and what and how and why you really are, with your inner self, when you create something-- paint it, write it, whatever your artistic medium. Copying the work of others, or making a boring painting or quilt-- well, that happens when we don't open ourselves to the act of creation-- to our passion. It happens when we avoid who we really are. Creating is a risk. Not because someone might not like it, but because we have to see who we really are, and put THAT on the page before us. We have to experience passion in a world where passion is highly controlled and highly criticized. The risk is in putting ourselves out to be judged. And we are our own toughest critics.
So an Affirmation or three or four or ten-- ABOUT OUR PASSION-- well, that might just be the break through that changes our whole way of living and expressing and acknowledging our inner selves. I'm excited. I want to know myself better. I want to like myself better. I want to be better.
To Your Health!
Saphoro
Wednesday
Celebrate!
Happy Harvest Festival! Did you celebrate August-Eve last night? And today-- are you making or finding some great bread-cakes with lots of harvest grains and honey to celebrate the harvest? Are you honoring the sun and the summer heat? The turning of the wheel, and the bounty of the Goddess all around us? Set aside some time, and light a yellow candle after the sun goes down. Think about the bounty in your own life-- meditate on Abundance. What do you want your next harvest to include? What joys have you already encountered in this year? Dance, laugh. Celebrate!
Tuesday
Altars, Photos, and Surface Space
I read once, toward the beginning of my pagan journey, that most pagans/wiccans have many little altars in their homes. And I thought-- I've only got 600 square feet, there is no way I'll ever have more than ONE altar!...
But today I was looking around... well, more specifically, I started rearranging my apartment to better suit the way I live and the things I need spaces for-- and in the midst of this process, I was looking around my apartment. I've got several small altars going on. There's the one by the window, where I have my medicinal aloe plant growing, a cheerful Buddha stretching his arms up and smiling, and a great pillar candle that I light most evenings for a few hours. Then there's the "ALTAR" that I set up intentionally as such, with specific items to represent the four directions etc etc-- and I only light it when I need a spirit-boost or when I'm honoring something. And those two are just the more formal and recognizable altars in my home today.
I've got a great picture of Bast on the inside of my front door, so I bring my true self into the world, and the Goddess comes with me on my travels. Near the entry I've also hung a sun/moon carving and a string of seed beads from across the ocean to remind me of my connection to the whole world and everything in it. To remind me that the wheel turns, and there are always fresh seeds of hope to plant. There is a small wreath of grape leaves/vines that I hang over my fairly useless thermostat to make it pretty and remind me to live with Joy. I realized that my shelf of photographs are all of people who have left me in some way-- an altar of ancestors and of loss. And I moved that shelf so it isn't my primary visual focus when I meditate in my circle anymore. It's important, but I want my primary meditations to be about joy and about the life I lead today.
Next, there's a Venus figurine hanging from the rainbow cord over the doorway to my bedroom, to remind me that sex is a sacred and loving act-- and to protect me from my night fears while I sleep. I've got sacred willow branches that I put in a big vase of water, and now some of them have fresh green leaves growing-- it used to preside over my Aloe and Buddha Altar, but when I rearranged I made it more centrally located. There is a picture of the understory of a forest in Fall behind the gnarled, quirky branches that reminds me of the Wheel of the Year. I've found a few more altars of one kind or another hiding here and there, too. I love them. I smile when I see them, and their presence makes my apartment more of my spiritual home. Plus the cat, of course. She makes everything better. (even when she thinks she knows what time I need to get up better than I do, and wakes me accordingly)
It just blows me away that I've got so much beauty and symbolism and Goddess Energy in such a small space. One of my goals has been to integrate my connection with the Great Spirit Mother with the living of my life-- and when I look around my apartment now, I feel her presence. Maybe these little things are all a part of that integration process. Maybe I'm doing better than I thought. You know, when you live your life fully as yourself, everything you choose to keep in your life has a deeper meaning, or it goes away. There is no room for unappreciated belongings in the authentic life.
But today I was looking around... well, more specifically, I started rearranging my apartment to better suit the way I live and the things I need spaces for-- and in the midst of this process, I was looking around my apartment. I've got several small altars going on. There's the one by the window, where I have my medicinal aloe plant growing, a cheerful Buddha stretching his arms up and smiling, and a great pillar candle that I light most evenings for a few hours. Then there's the "ALTAR" that I set up intentionally as such, with specific items to represent the four directions etc etc-- and I only light it when I need a spirit-boost or when I'm honoring something. And those two are just the more formal and recognizable altars in my home today.
I've got a great picture of Bast on the inside of my front door, so I bring my true self into the world, and the Goddess comes with me on my travels. Near the entry I've also hung a sun/moon carving and a string of seed beads from across the ocean to remind me of my connection to the whole world and everything in it. To remind me that the wheel turns, and there are always fresh seeds of hope to plant. There is a small wreath of grape leaves/vines that I hang over my fairly useless thermostat to make it pretty and remind me to live with Joy. I realized that my shelf of photographs are all of people who have left me in some way-- an altar of ancestors and of loss. And I moved that shelf so it isn't my primary visual focus when I meditate in my circle anymore. It's important, but I want my primary meditations to be about joy and about the life I lead today.
Next, there's a Venus figurine hanging from the rainbow cord over the doorway to my bedroom, to remind me that sex is a sacred and loving act-- and to protect me from my night fears while I sleep. I've got sacred willow branches that I put in a big vase of water, and now some of them have fresh green leaves growing-- it used to preside over my Aloe and Buddha Altar, but when I rearranged I made it more centrally located. There is a picture of the understory of a forest in Fall behind the gnarled, quirky branches that reminds me of the Wheel of the Year. I've found a few more altars of one kind or another hiding here and there, too. I love them. I smile when I see them, and their presence makes my apartment more of my spiritual home. Plus the cat, of course. She makes everything better. (even when she thinks she knows what time I need to get up better than I do, and wakes me accordingly)
It just blows me away that I've got so much beauty and symbolism and Goddess Energy in such a small space. One of my goals has been to integrate my connection with the Great Spirit Mother with the living of my life-- and when I look around my apartment now, I feel her presence. Maybe these little things are all a part of that integration process. Maybe I'm doing better than I thought. You know, when you live your life fully as yourself, everything you choose to keep in your life has a deeper meaning, or it goes away. There is no room for unappreciated belongings in the authentic life.
Wednesday
Is it Intuition or Monkeys?
I went to a Journaling Workshop last night. Great experience. Pagan group of women. Knowledgeable group facilitator. Wow.
Not only did she teach me a great new method of getting something meaningful out of my writing, but we ended up having a short discussion about recognizing the difference between the voice of intuition in your head, and the voice of the chattering monkeys. At least, that's what we started calling it. See, the voice we are used to hearing is like a chattering monkey. Skeptical, gnawing, not supportive, telling you what to do. It just talks. A lot. And it tries to push you around. That "monkey voice."
The thing is-- it's NOT supportive. And we don't really get value out of harsh judgments and gnawing expectations. So the key is to turn down the volume on this voice. Maybe you can't shut it out completely, but you can turn down the volume, and recognize how different the monkey chatter sounds from the voice of your true intuition.
Intuition is the voice of wisdom. Peaceful. Friendly. Flowing like a deep moving river under your consciousness. It comes from the gut and the heart. Quiet. Not linear. Maybe not even seeming to fit with the general flow of your life at the moment you hear it. And that's one of the challenges. To trust yourself and your inner wisdom-- your intuition-- enough to heed its voice when you DO hear. One must be quiet to hear it. Serene. Vanessa, or group facilitator, stated it this way: You have to trust your own competence. You have to say "I'm worth it, even if I make a mistake." This is the bridge. This is how we begin to recognize our intuition as a unique wisdom in our life process.
And the writing technique? Well, free-write for five minutes. About whatever comes into your head or out of your pen, without stopping. Set a timer. Then go back and highlight four or five words or phrases that really seem important-- unsettling, wise, curious, interesting-- whatever they are. Pick one. Use it as the title for your next free-write.
With your new title as a starting point, the goal here is to get deeper into your writing. Stop your flow often and insert a dash "-- what I really want to say is...." and use that as an opportunity to deepen your focus and your writing this time. "--what I really want to say is..." Set the timer for seven minutes.
Stop and re-read what you wrote. What is it really about? Is there a theme or a lesson? Pick up your highlighter again. Select about five words or phrases that jump out at you or snag your attention in some way, as before. Select one and use it for the title or focus of your next timed writing exercise. For ten minutes, write deeply. Don't forget to set the timer. Use the dash to deepen your focus within your writing. "--what I really mean is..."
Great. Now read over and think about what you wrote this time. What did you learn? What did you write about? Is it deep and meaningful writing? Is there wisdom in your words? If you could summarize the experience of this writing exercise, and what themes/lessons you gained from what you wrote-- what would you say? Write that down, too.
It's amazing how meaningful of a life-perspective can grow out of a simple unformatted free-write, isn't it? I was blown away. It was just a great group and a great experience. Vanessa did a great job in putting such a meaningful and purposeful evening together for us, and facilitating it effectively. Thanks.
Not only did she teach me a great new method of getting something meaningful out of my writing, but we ended up having a short discussion about recognizing the difference between the voice of intuition in your head, and the voice of the chattering monkeys. At least, that's what we started calling it. See, the voice we are used to hearing is like a chattering monkey. Skeptical, gnawing, not supportive, telling you what to do. It just talks. A lot. And it tries to push you around. That "monkey voice."
The thing is-- it's NOT supportive. And we don't really get value out of harsh judgments and gnawing expectations. So the key is to turn down the volume on this voice. Maybe you can't shut it out completely, but you can turn down the volume, and recognize how different the monkey chatter sounds from the voice of your true intuition.
Intuition is the voice of wisdom. Peaceful. Friendly. Flowing like a deep moving river under your consciousness. It comes from the gut and the heart. Quiet. Not linear. Maybe not even seeming to fit with the general flow of your life at the moment you hear it. And that's one of the challenges. To trust yourself and your inner wisdom-- your intuition-- enough to heed its voice when you DO hear. One must be quiet to hear it. Serene. Vanessa, or group facilitator, stated it this way: You have to trust your own competence. You have to say "I'm worth it, even if I make a mistake." This is the bridge. This is how we begin to recognize our intuition as a unique wisdom in our life process.
And the writing technique? Well, free-write for five minutes. About whatever comes into your head or out of your pen, without stopping. Set a timer. Then go back and highlight four or five words or phrases that really seem important-- unsettling, wise, curious, interesting-- whatever they are. Pick one. Use it as the title for your next free-write.
With your new title as a starting point, the goal here is to get deeper into your writing. Stop your flow often and insert a dash "-- what I really want to say is...." and use that as an opportunity to deepen your focus and your writing this time. "--what I really want to say is..." Set the timer for seven minutes.
Stop and re-read what you wrote. What is it really about? Is there a theme or a lesson? Pick up your highlighter again. Select about five words or phrases that jump out at you or snag your attention in some way, as before. Select one and use it for the title or focus of your next timed writing exercise. For ten minutes, write deeply. Don't forget to set the timer. Use the dash to deepen your focus within your writing. "--what I really mean is..."
Great. Now read over and think about what you wrote this time. What did you learn? What did you write about? Is it deep and meaningful writing? Is there wisdom in your words? If you could summarize the experience of this writing exercise, and what themes/lessons you gained from what you wrote-- what would you say? Write that down, too.
It's amazing how meaningful of a life-perspective can grow out of a simple unformatted free-write, isn't it? I was blown away. It was just a great group and a great experience. Vanessa did a great job in putting such a meaningful and purposeful evening together for us, and facilitating it effectively. Thanks.
Thursday
Self- Help
I've been avoiding my school work lately (I'm getting my Masters in Library Science), and couldn't figure out why it was SO HARD to make myself sit down and do a little reading, writing, and arithmetic (aka my budget). I'm somewhat of a procrastinator as it is, but this was getting ridiculous. It's also been a few days since I cast a circle or did any real meditation to keep my mind and body in balance with my Spirit, so I thought that might be a good place to start.
Last night, I put things off until nearly midnight, and then had this overwhelming need to just sit with my candles and my quiet time and my Tarot cards. So I did. And right away I was called into deep meditation by my internal Guide. Which surprised me, because usually I have to take a bit of an inner journey to find her. I'll devote an entry to my Tarot cards sometime, and this will all make more sense.
Anyway, we had a good talk (You know when you've got a problem you're avoiding, and you just finally sit yourself down and start asking yourself questions-- what is up with me? Why the heck am I going around doing THIS lately?!... and you just sit and feel crazy talking to yourself, but you keep doing it until you get some answers-- and you do manage to sort yourself out... Well, that's what it's like to talk with your Guide, only its more to the point), and I realized that what I've been avoiding some painful memories this week... and in the process of avoiding, I avoided homework, and cleaning the dirty dishes, and a few other things, too.
You see, I was a live-in nanny for two years, basically the primary care taker of a wonderful little girl from the time she was 5 months old until I got married and moved away two years later. And when that happened, it felt like I was abandoning my own child. I still miss her horribly, and thinking about her makes me sad. She has good parents, (She's already started school, too!) but she doesn't have me anymore, and since she now lives in Korea, I don't have her, either. It just hurts. And her birthday happens to be in early April. I've only managed to memorize five birthdays in my lifetime, and that includes hers...
Anyway, I was very glad to have that talk with my Spirit Guide, because it let me release some of my pain and feelings of abandonment/loss in a very safe space. Feelings I had been working hard not to acknowledge before that. And then she gave me a good talking to about getting on-task with my homework and stuff. It's like having the perfect mom. The one who helps you stay (or get) on track with your life, while making you feel loved and valued the whole time. She reminded me that there are a lot of children out there in the world who need the caring and the helping and the life skills I can provide as a Librarian, and that it's up to me to make that happen. I have work to do.
(By the way, as a librarian, I take a professional oath to provide accurate and timely information on all topics to all people, without discrimination based on age, ability, gender, creed, cultural origin, topic of interest, or anything else. It means taking my personal beliefs out of the picture when I'm at work, and being a true servant of the community-- the whole community, including the homeless, the infirm, the rich and powerful, and everyone in between.)
I'm also constantly working to make myself a better person... so I took note. I have a radar up now for when I seem to be avoiding things-- mundane things-- so that I can stop and meditate about what I'm REALLY trying to avoid. I want to face it and get moving forward that much faster next time. And... next April, I might just cut myself a little slack, knowing I'm going to have a few down moments that month, and knowing why.
Blessings Be
Saphora
Last night, I put things off until nearly midnight, and then had this overwhelming need to just sit with my candles and my quiet time and my Tarot cards. So I did. And right away I was called into deep meditation by my internal Guide. Which surprised me, because usually I have to take a bit of an inner journey to find her. I'll devote an entry to my Tarot cards sometime, and this will all make more sense.
Anyway, we had a good talk (You know when you've got a problem you're avoiding, and you just finally sit yourself down and start asking yourself questions-- what is up with me? Why the heck am I going around doing THIS lately?!... and you just sit and feel crazy talking to yourself, but you keep doing it until you get some answers-- and you do manage to sort yourself out... Well, that's what it's like to talk with your Guide, only its more to the point), and I realized that what I've been avoiding some painful memories this week... and in the process of avoiding, I avoided homework, and cleaning the dirty dishes, and a few other things, too.
You see, I was a live-in nanny for two years, basically the primary care taker of a wonderful little girl from the time she was 5 months old until I got married and moved away two years later. And when that happened, it felt like I was abandoning my own child. I still miss her horribly, and thinking about her makes me sad. She has good parents, (She's already started school, too!) but she doesn't have me anymore, and since she now lives in Korea, I don't have her, either. It just hurts. And her birthday happens to be in early April. I've only managed to memorize five birthdays in my lifetime, and that includes hers...
Anyway, I was very glad to have that talk with my Spirit Guide, because it let me release some of my pain and feelings of abandonment/loss in a very safe space. Feelings I had been working hard not to acknowledge before that. And then she gave me a good talking to about getting on-task with my homework and stuff. It's like having the perfect mom. The one who helps you stay (or get) on track with your life, while making you feel loved and valued the whole time. She reminded me that there are a lot of children out there in the world who need the caring and the helping and the life skills I can provide as a Librarian, and that it's up to me to make that happen. I have work to do.
(By the way, as a librarian, I take a professional oath to provide accurate and timely information on all topics to all people, without discrimination based on age, ability, gender, creed, cultural origin, topic of interest, or anything else. It means taking my personal beliefs out of the picture when I'm at work, and being a true servant of the community-- the whole community, including the homeless, the infirm, the rich and powerful, and everyone in between.)
I'm also constantly working to make myself a better person... so I took note. I have a radar up now for when I seem to be avoiding things-- mundane things-- so that I can stop and meditate about what I'm REALLY trying to avoid. I want to face it and get moving forward that much faster next time. And... next April, I might just cut myself a little slack, knowing I'm going to have a few down moments that month, and knowing why.
Blessings Be
Saphora
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