I recently participated on a Wisdom Council to create the first yearly Wisdom's Feast spirituality conference for women. It was a humbling and glorious experience. Those of us who served on the Wisdom Council were able to meet earlier this week and digest our experiences and learnings from the day-long Conference itself.
And what we all got out of it-- each with her unique experience and perspective-- was greater self-confidence. I have more trust for my intuitive knowledge. She realizes it's okay to be loud and large and visible sometimes. Another woman expressed her boosted confidence in becoming a keynote speaker; and so on. Each of us suddenly has greater respect for our own abilities, and a stronger trust that we can grow to fill a larger space in the world than we previously thought. And this conference made room for all of it.
My workshop was on Intuitive Wisdom and Tarot. The concept of opening one's self to guidance and to self-knowledge on a deeper, intuitive, and Universal plane. This was coupled with the reality that tools like Tarot exist to draw our attention to things we already know, but need to acknowledge or work on in order to move forward productively. And thanks to all the wonderful women who attended my workshop at the Wisdom Conference, the energy in the room was amazing. The workshop was amazing. And I was amazed to find myself a conduit for such a powerful and beautiful group experience that morning.
So I'd like to continue thanking the Goddess for that. For the opportunity to be me, and be enough, and participate in that beautiful learning/teaching experience. I look forward to participating again next year. Next November, at the second annual Wisdom's Feast Conference. It's beginning to look like next year's conference may have a focus on women's experience of transition. On Croning and the role of Crones in our daily spiritual practice. At least, I hope that's the direction we take. There seems to be a lot of energy in that direction right now. And the right people in place to give workshops on those or similar topics. Women in Transition. Women as Bringers of Wisdom. Wisdom's Feast.
Whatever the outcome, I'm confident that She will order all things well.
Showing posts with label In Her Way. Show all posts
Showing posts with label In Her Way. Show all posts
Saturday
Sunday
Growing Up Good
I copied this post from the link below. I'm reposting it here because it gives me so much hope. (Much-needed hope!)
http://community.livejournal.com/library_mofo/1175117.html
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Non-mofo award
I've been meaning to mention this one for a while, but...
To the two-year-old twin girls who come in with their mom, so well-behaved, and clean up the children's area when they're finished playing, and always push in the chairs, and wait until we're done with the patron on the computer before showing us that wonderful book they found this time, that they're so excited about getting to read... Thank you. May you grow up just as wonderful as you are when you visit us...and just as generous.
We actually have a whole bunch of awesome little kids at work, but these two really take the cake. They came toddling in one day with their mom, nearly bouncing, and came up to return their books, and handed us a bag. Inside was the majority of their joint sticker collection. One of the things we've had to cut back on is fun kid-stuff, like coloring/activity pages, and the stickers the kids get at the end of their visit, at checkout. These two little girls visit with their mom regularly, and always ask for a sticker, like the other little ones...so they donated their sticker collection from birthdays and other presents so that everyone could still get one, when they come to the library.
http://community.livejournal.com/library_mofo/1175117.html
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Non-mofo award
I've been meaning to mention this one for a while, but...
To the two-year-old twin girls who come in with their mom, so well-behaved, and clean up the children's area when they're finished playing, and always push in the chairs, and wait until we're done with the patron on the computer before showing us that wonderful book they found this time, that they're so excited about getting to read... Thank you. May you grow up just as wonderful as you are when you visit us...and just as generous.
We actually have a whole bunch of awesome little kids at work, but these two really take the cake. They came toddling in one day with their mom, nearly bouncing, and came up to return their books, and handed us a bag. Inside was the majority of their joint sticker collection. One of the things we've had to cut back on is fun kid-stuff, like coloring/activity pages, and the stickers the kids get at the end of their visit, at checkout. These two little girls visit with their mom regularly, and always ask for a sticker, like the other little ones...so they donated their sticker collection from birthdays and other presents so that everyone could still get one, when they come to the library.
Monday
Where The Heart Is
I have been sitting here-- and on GB's sofa-- for the past several days, worrying and worrying about money. Feeling that no matter how hard I tried, there would be no way to make ends meet on my own-- or even at all. And I have worried, and cried, and been generally unhappy with the way of my work opportunities and with my own inability to make things work out "right" with my budget this month.
Finally, I sent my best friend an email, with all my worry about money and my dwindling choices packed into it. With my disappointment that I couldn't make my life turn out the way I want it to-- financially.
And she called me back, and told me that her dog-- her best friend of the past thirteen and a half years, since just before she and I became friends-- her Aussie has stopped eating. She is skin and bones, and she is dying. And there is nothing my friend can do to change this reality. There is no way for her to make the outcome what she wants. That she is scared to even consider the future that waits for her after that final trip to the Vet with Aussie tomorrow morning.
And I realized how narrow my worry has been, how shallow. I realized that I am blessed in the most important parts of my life. I have my family, my cat, my friends. I am so rich in love and in having. And I wish with all my heart that my best friend and Aussie could be spared the pain of this loss, the worry and fear of this decision. I wish I could be there to hold them both at the end.
It is in the heart that the greatest tragedies are weathered, and in the heart that the greatest loves and the greatest fears are embraced. And Aussie has been my best friend's heart for so very many years now.
And after we discussed all this in a not-quite direct way, so that we could put off really feeling just how deep this pain goes, just a little longer, and only feel the beginnings of the hole Aussie is leaving in her heart... That's when my best friend turned the conversation to me, and told me that it's okay to need help. It's okay NOT to face everything alone. She reminded me that I've been facing my challenges alone my whole life-- and maybe now that GB is here, it's time to let someone help me. I don't know what it is about death that makes the living so wise... but it does.
And if tears were money, I'd never have to worry about such foolish things as budgets and banks again. I overflow with this terrible richness of feeling. How much worse it must be for her. The sorrow I feel for my friend brings understanding of just how important such a friendship is in my life. In some ways she's right-- I have overcome huge obstacles to reach this point in my life, and I've done it by myself. But yet, she herself (and others like her) has often been there supporting me. And now it is my turn.
Please let me be worthy of the gifts that fill my life. Of the deep friendships, and the trust that is so easily given to me by friends and strangers alike. And let me guide them through their pain and back into harmony with the cycle of life-- as I have been guided by them.
Please don't let Aussie suffer, and help my best friend's heart to heal.
And thank you, whoever you are, for the reminder of what is truly worthy of tears.
Finally, I sent my best friend an email, with all my worry about money and my dwindling choices packed into it. With my disappointment that I couldn't make my life turn out the way I want it to-- financially.
And she called me back, and told me that her dog-- her best friend of the past thirteen and a half years, since just before she and I became friends-- her Aussie has stopped eating. She is skin and bones, and she is dying. And there is nothing my friend can do to change this reality. There is no way for her to make the outcome what she wants. That she is scared to even consider the future that waits for her after that final trip to the Vet with Aussie tomorrow morning.
And I realized how narrow my worry has been, how shallow. I realized that I am blessed in the most important parts of my life. I have my family, my cat, my friends. I am so rich in love and in having. And I wish with all my heart that my best friend and Aussie could be spared the pain of this loss, the worry and fear of this decision. I wish I could be there to hold them both at the end.
It is in the heart that the greatest tragedies are weathered, and in the heart that the greatest loves and the greatest fears are embraced. And Aussie has been my best friend's heart for so very many years now.
And after we discussed all this in a not-quite direct way, so that we could put off really feeling just how deep this pain goes, just a little longer, and only feel the beginnings of the hole Aussie is leaving in her heart... That's when my best friend turned the conversation to me, and told me that it's okay to need help. It's okay NOT to face everything alone. She reminded me that I've been facing my challenges alone my whole life-- and maybe now that GB is here, it's time to let someone help me. I don't know what it is about death that makes the living so wise... but it does.
And if tears were money, I'd never have to worry about such foolish things as budgets and banks again. I overflow with this terrible richness of feeling. How much worse it must be for her. The sorrow I feel for my friend brings understanding of just how important such a friendship is in my life. In some ways she's right-- I have overcome huge obstacles to reach this point in my life, and I've done it by myself. But yet, she herself (and others like her) has often been there supporting me. And now it is my turn.
Please let me be worthy of the gifts that fill my life. Of the deep friendships, and the trust that is so easily given to me by friends and strangers alike. And let me guide them through their pain and back into harmony with the cycle of life-- as I have been guided by them.
Please don't let Aussie suffer, and help my best friend's heart to heal.
And thank you, whoever you are, for the reminder of what is truly worthy of tears.
Thursday
Natural Processes
So March is, apparently, the month of the flu. As in, I caught it, and here we are ten days later, and I'm still not fully recovered. And I'm tired of it. Seriously. I have a life I'd like to be living-- or at least pursuing.
So I decided to pretend I was all better, in the hopes that believing would make it true, and because my parents were going to be in town for a visit, and I wanted to enjoy their company.
We decided to check out the Da Vinci exhibit. And it's pretty cool. They've recreated a few pages from his personal notebooks, one of which explores the way that a planet and a sun affect the light on another planet. VERY COOL to see that!! And they've rebuilt a bunch of the machines and concepts of flight, motion, and energy into little wooden examples-- with the same tools and materials that Da Vinci himself would have had access to. And you even get to play with some of the gears!! There are reproductions of his sketches and studies of the human body. And a whole room devoted to understanding the genius behind his painting, particularly the Mona Lisa.
Da Vinci was a pretty cool frood, really. He believed that we could learn to do anything that could be done in nature by observing how Nature does it. And so he spent hours and days and months observing the way birds fly, the way people exert force on a lever, the way toes are made to wiggle through their attachment to bone with fine sinews and fibers that direct movement. For Da Vinci, Mother Nature was the ultimate teacher, and he devoted a lifetime to Her lessons.
It was a valuable reminder to me that we can learn more than how to fly or be more efficient manual laborers. Nature also offers valuable lessons in anger management, hierarchy, family commitment, survival during times of drought or other hardships, and most importantly-- the lesson that there is a purpose to every thing. Rain nourishes plants so we have food sometime down the road. Cold weather keeps the snowpack from melting just a little longer, that maybe we won't have a drought this summer. The falling leaves offer insulation to keep Earth's creatures and plants from freezing when winter weather comes... Maybe there is a purpose to my enforced inactivity right now, too...
A room full of musical instruments and war machines later, and I was barely shuffling along, trying to put one foot in front of the other. I actually fell asleep in the restaurant over lunch, I was so exhausted by the outing. Three hours of standing around, and I slept the rest of the day and a full ten hours last night. I'm ready to have my energy back. I'm just not sure how to get it.
Well, to paraphrase Da Vinci's classification of people, there are those who understand, those who can be taught to understand, and those who will never understand. Maybe it's time I looked a little more closely at the processes of the Great Creator, and trusted more openly that a reason exists, whether I have the capacity to see it right now or not.
Blessings Be.
So I decided to pretend I was all better, in the hopes that believing would make it true, and because my parents were going to be in town for a visit, and I wanted to enjoy their company.
We decided to check out the Da Vinci exhibit. And it's pretty cool. They've recreated a few pages from his personal notebooks, one of which explores the way that a planet and a sun affect the light on another planet. VERY COOL to see that!! And they've rebuilt a bunch of the machines and concepts of flight, motion, and energy into little wooden examples-- with the same tools and materials that Da Vinci himself would have had access to. And you even get to play with some of the gears!! There are reproductions of his sketches and studies of the human body. And a whole room devoted to understanding the genius behind his painting, particularly the Mona Lisa.
Da Vinci was a pretty cool frood, really. He believed that we could learn to do anything that could be done in nature by observing how Nature does it. And so he spent hours and days and months observing the way birds fly, the way people exert force on a lever, the way toes are made to wiggle through their attachment to bone with fine sinews and fibers that direct movement. For Da Vinci, Mother Nature was the ultimate teacher, and he devoted a lifetime to Her lessons.
It was a valuable reminder to me that we can learn more than how to fly or be more efficient manual laborers. Nature also offers valuable lessons in anger management, hierarchy, family commitment, survival during times of drought or other hardships, and most importantly-- the lesson that there is a purpose to every thing. Rain nourishes plants so we have food sometime down the road. Cold weather keeps the snowpack from melting just a little longer, that maybe we won't have a drought this summer. The falling leaves offer insulation to keep Earth's creatures and plants from freezing when winter weather comes... Maybe there is a purpose to my enforced inactivity right now, too...
A room full of musical instruments and war machines later, and I was barely shuffling along, trying to put one foot in front of the other. I actually fell asleep in the restaurant over lunch, I was so exhausted by the outing. Three hours of standing around, and I slept the rest of the day and a full ten hours last night. I'm ready to have my energy back. I'm just not sure how to get it.
Well, to paraphrase Da Vinci's classification of people, there are those who understand, those who can be taught to understand, and those who will never understand. Maybe it's time I looked a little more closely at the processes of the Great Creator, and trusted more openly that a reason exists, whether I have the capacity to see it right now or not.
Blessings Be.
Sunday
Hearth Friends
When we were little (especially if we were little in the '50's), we often immortalized our friendships by carving everybody's initials with a heart between-- S.B. -heart- R.O. or I heart Johnny, for example. It was a way of saying we loved someone-- they were a friend of our hearts. It was a hope that we would always have that loving connection in our life.
I have just returned from a Fall Festival. I went there with a friend, I came back from there with many friends. Friends of my heart. It was a very intense event, and yet also very restful. I learned so much from the experiences that others shared with me while I was there-- and I was also able to facilitate the learning of others. My favorite times were sitting at my booth, working through some big self-realizations with a Tarot client... and the evening bonfires.
For me, those bonfires were a gathering of family around the sacred fire-- the hearth fire that represents both home and safety, blessings given and received. We beat drums, we danced, and we cemented friendships new and old. These were our offerings around the hearth altar of our sacred gathering. These were the times of true community.
Our blood relatives and our "parents" are often chosen by biology or by someone else's decisions about marriage or responsibility. As children, we rarely have the opportunity to choose our family. Many of us are lucky. We have a parent, or maybe two, who really love us and wish the best for us and work hard to help us grow. Many of us cope instead with adults who hurt us, or who are hurt. As we mature, regardless of what came before, we learn to find folks we can trust outside of our original family.
Often, these people begin as friends, and then we realize that our bond is deeper than mere friendship. We share a connection that is truly special, truly magical. These people become our chosen family-- our "spiritual family," if you will. The folks who love us and who we love as if they have always been a part of our lives, as if they always will be. Understanding that we can create a support network that is stronger (and often stranger) than the family we were born into brings a special kind of freedom with it. Particularly when this is a community in which we can truly be ourselves-- fully reveling in the release of our unique and healing energy into the universe. A community of individuals. A community of acceptance.
I deeply enjoyed the friendships and experiences of this past Festival weekend. I look forward to our next meeting, whether at an organized retreat or at a local coffee shop. And I know that just because I don't hear from someone I really felt a moment of connection with-- it doesn't mean that I can't appreciate what that moment held. The time I spend with this special community-- with these friends-- is carved into my heart. Each meeting is a gift, and all the distance in between visits can never take that gift away from me.
Merry Meet, Merry Part, and Merry Meet Again.
I have just returned from a Fall Festival. I went there with a friend, I came back from there with many friends. Friends of my heart. It was a very intense event, and yet also very restful. I learned so much from the experiences that others shared with me while I was there-- and I was also able to facilitate the learning of others. My favorite times were sitting at my booth, working through some big self-realizations with a Tarot client... and the evening bonfires.
For me, those bonfires were a gathering of family around the sacred fire-- the hearth fire that represents both home and safety, blessings given and received. We beat drums, we danced, and we cemented friendships new and old. These were our offerings around the hearth altar of our sacred gathering. These were the times of true community.
Our blood relatives and our "parents" are often chosen by biology or by someone else's decisions about marriage or responsibility. As children, we rarely have the opportunity to choose our family. Many of us are lucky. We have a parent, or maybe two, who really love us and wish the best for us and work hard to help us grow. Many of us cope instead with adults who hurt us, or who are hurt. As we mature, regardless of what came before, we learn to find folks we can trust outside of our original family.
Often, these people begin as friends, and then we realize that our bond is deeper than mere friendship. We share a connection that is truly special, truly magical. These people become our chosen family-- our "spiritual family," if you will. The folks who love us and who we love as if they have always been a part of our lives, as if they always will be. Understanding that we can create a support network that is stronger (and often stranger) than the family we were born into brings a special kind of freedom with it. Particularly when this is a community in which we can truly be ourselves-- fully reveling in the release of our unique and healing energy into the universe. A community of individuals. A community of acceptance.
I deeply enjoyed the friendships and experiences of this past Festival weekend. I look forward to our next meeting, whether at an organized retreat or at a local coffee shop. And I know that just because I don't hear from someone I really felt a moment of connection with-- it doesn't mean that I can't appreciate what that moment held. The time I spend with this special community-- with these friends-- is carved into my heart. Each meeting is a gift, and all the distance in between visits can never take that gift away from me.
Merry Meet, Merry Part, and Merry Meet Again.
Tuesday
Being Present
I woke up to the sound of drills and hammers this morning, and the occasional circular saw. My neighbors are remodeling-- directly across from my open bedroom window.
Then, sitting there trying to recapture my dream (I'd just rescued some VERY TINY puppies and was getting them to nurse on a very accommodating mommy dog who wasn't theirs.)... I realized that even through the stressful noises of the remodel, I could hear the birds singing their bright hello to the sun. I had a warm bed, a purring kitty, a good breakfast to look forward to (and leftovers in the fridge for lunch-- yum!). I'd even slept well, and I've finally figured out that my kitty is allergic to fish and shellfish, so the floor this morning is still as clean, dry, and puke-free as it was when I went to bed. I feel physically fit-- better than I have in a good six years-- though I still have some work to do before my body matches my healthy and realistic goals.
I realized that this morning is a wonderful metaphor for my life at the moment. I'm awakening to possibility. I'm making a lot of changes in what I do, how I do it, and why. Remodeling. And it's stressful, and sometimes noisy and disturbing... but the end result will be a self I can really live with and enjoy-- someone beautiful from the inside out, and sound of mind, body, and spirit. I may be stressed, and still looking for work... but under it all, I still feel great joy to greet each day, and I am grateful for all that I do have right now.
It's a funny sort of kinship I feel with those birds this morning-- I feel the sun. I love the beauty of the dew and the new spider webs. I think I'll catch a good fat job offer, or maybe just a juicy bit of breakfast to share with the other birds sharing my nest today. I'm getting ready to spread my wings-- and soar upward toward possibility.
For all the "I'd rather's" in my life... I'm so glad to have today! It's nice to be able to appreciate the moment I'm in, especially after living so many years on dreams of "someday, it'll be okay." I know I'm on a good path, and I feel the energy of the Earth and the Mother flowing through me. I may not be able to see my next step yet, but I trust that it's there, and that everything around me will be beautiful.
Blessings Be.
Then, sitting there trying to recapture my dream (I'd just rescued some VERY TINY puppies and was getting them to nurse on a very accommodating mommy dog who wasn't theirs.)... I realized that even through the stressful noises of the remodel, I could hear the birds singing their bright hello to the sun. I had a warm bed, a purring kitty, a good breakfast to look forward to (and leftovers in the fridge for lunch-- yum!). I'd even slept well, and I've finally figured out that my kitty is allergic to fish and shellfish, so the floor this morning is still as clean, dry, and puke-free as it was when I went to bed. I feel physically fit-- better than I have in a good six years-- though I still have some work to do before my body matches my healthy and realistic goals.
I realized that this morning is a wonderful metaphor for my life at the moment. I'm awakening to possibility. I'm making a lot of changes in what I do, how I do it, and why. Remodeling. And it's stressful, and sometimes noisy and disturbing... but the end result will be a self I can really live with and enjoy-- someone beautiful from the inside out, and sound of mind, body, and spirit. I may be stressed, and still looking for work... but under it all, I still feel great joy to greet each day, and I am grateful for all that I do have right now.
It's a funny sort of kinship I feel with those birds this morning-- I feel the sun. I love the beauty of the dew and the new spider webs. I think I'll catch a good fat job offer, or maybe just a juicy bit of breakfast to share with the other birds sharing my nest today. I'm getting ready to spread my wings-- and soar upward toward possibility.
For all the "I'd rather's" in my life... I'm so glad to have today! It's nice to be able to appreciate the moment I'm in, especially after living so many years on dreams of "someday, it'll be okay." I know I'm on a good path, and I feel the energy of the Earth and the Mother flowing through me. I may not be able to see my next step yet, but I trust that it's there, and that everything around me will be beautiful.
Blessings Be.
Finding Time
This is actually a post about Yoga. Or maybe it's about what I think it means to honor the Goddess with my life. Maybe I'm just talking about how hard it is to take time out of my day for me... and how I connect that with being female in this time and place. Maybe it's something else all together. As I wrote it, the post just kept getting longer and longer... I think I'm worried that I didn't share this lesson well enough, or that I'm talking to people who only exist in my head... I'm worried that I will sound pitiful, or worse-- preachy... I sometimes think that we, as women, often have too hard a time recognizing our own wisdom and our own worth... So I'm not going to cut this one down to a more manageable size. I think it's important. Whatever it is.
See, there's this list of "someday" goals in my head. The ones I never do find time to commit to-- ones that don't put food on the table, a roof over my head, and don't benefit anyone but me. This is where I keep my desires like spending a whole week at a bed-and-breakfast on the beach, instead of using my vacation time and money on a trip to Michigan with my family every year... The list that has my wish to learn how to make bread-- good old hearty nutty flavorful bread. My desire for a gym membership ended up on this list, too. With a limited income, a weekly lunch with the people I love is just more important, for the price. And I still haven't found energy or supplies to build that Navajo Loom I want to play with-- nor research what kind of string I'd need to warp it with. Come to think of it-- when would I have time?
I'm not willing to give up my sleep-- the whole "get up 30 minutes earlier" plan just sounds like a way to substitute one healthy thing for another when I hear it. Less sleep, but more exercise... is that really helping me? Or less sleep but more time to write, more time to meditate, more time for a walk every day, more time to fix a healthy lunch before I go to work-- Suddenly I wonder if I shouldn't just be staying up all night to find the extra time I want for ALL the things I want to enjoy in my day!
So I'm not going to give up sleep to improve my life. That's an oxymoron waiting to happen. But I do want to include more good stuff in the time that I'm awake (and fewer morons). Maybe I don't need as much time checking email before I start my day. Maybe I don't need as much time watching movies to unwind at night before bed. Maybe I need to start out slowly. Maybe I already have.
I found a book on Yoga-- it has a 5-minute routine in it. And once I made time for five minutes of yoga in my morning prep... it wasn't so hard to move up to the 15-minute version the book also offers. Heck! I might eventually work my way up to the 90-minute yoga routine the book includes before the year is gone! And I found a book called Gardener's Yoga, by Veronica D'Orazio (Sasquatch Books, 2006).
The book is split into three sections. The first section is a preparation for working the earth, and coincidentally contains about ten minutes of "getting started" Yoga poses. The second section is another ten minutes of Yoga, this time geared toward stretching out the kinks that come from all that weeding and squatting down. The last ten minute section is for the end of the day, to help your body relax after hard work. I love how well the poses flow into one another, and I love how well they are integrated into the seasons and the phases of the garden.
I've realized that the hard part about taking care of me has always been getting started. I've had trouble committing myself to spending large chunks of my time doing selfish things. And in my head, I thought of the things I want to do just for me-- like Yoga and writing and meditating and weaving... I've thought of them as a selfish way to spend my time. But on the days I do them, I'm a better worker at my day job, and I grow stronger as a person. I feel healthy, and I have more patience with the world. So for now, I may only spend ten minutes doing Yoga in the morning, but I'm learning to feel good about that. I see it as a foundation for more good things to grow from. I'm learning that taking good care of me has a good impact on the people around me, too. It's not wrong to love and care for myself. In fact, nobody else can do it better.
Even better, I've learned that there are specific poses in Yoga that are meant to unblock and open a body's Chakras-- and I'm incorporating some of the poses for stimulating the First Chakra into my routine. Maybe I didn't have to find the time so much as I had to convince myself that I am worth spending quality time on. ...And that I don't have to start doing it all at once. I certainly didn't learn that one from my mother, or my ex-husband. In fact, most women I know have a very hard time (there's that word again!!) doing things for themselves in a consistent way. There's always something more important they could be doing. But here's the challenge-- if YOU don't think you're important, nobody else will either. And that is wrong. You are important. Worth doing good things for.
I don't mean the extra chocolate bar when you've had a bad day... (well, not JUST that!) I mean that 20 minutes of uninterrupted meditation in a quiet room every night so you can sleep comfortably. I mean that hour on the phone with your family or your best friend who moved away five years ago-- every weekend, without trying to multi-task while you talk. I mean the five minutes you spend standing still to enjoy the beauty of a tree, and just BREATHE for a minute, as you rush between buildings, meetings, and soccer practice every afternoon. I mean that 10 minutes I'm spending on my Yoga every morning before work, and the effort it takes to keep a clean spot on the floor big enough to do it in. I mean refusing to stay up that extra half an hour at night to get everyone else ready for the next day-- while they sleep.
Somehow, we've learned that the job must be done right, and we're the only ones who can do the job that way. Somehow, we've agreed to take on the responsibility for the success or failure of every dream our family (even our society) has-- without including our dreams on the list. We take the leftovers. We take the hand-me-down computer. We don't ask for someone to do their share of the chores-- we ask them to help us out a little with the chores we do. We make the kids' lunch and work a 60 hour week. We scrimp and save our pennies so someone else can have their heart's desire. Someone who already spent their pennies on something frivolous and fun.
I don't mean to dishonor our sacrifices, and I know this isn't everyone's reality. I actually hold a great respect for the importance of compassion, of love. But that's just it. Compassion, Love, long-term planning, Sharing and Giving are IMPORTANT, and WORTHY OF RESPECT. And another thing I've learned-- from my own life and from watching those I love-- is that if we continue to give and give without ever replenishing ourselves, we burn out, and we eventually have nothing left to give to anyone.
So-- please-- make a difference in your own quality of life, long-term. Like ten minutes of Yoga before breakfast, or ten minutes of solitude before bed. Now that I've learned how to find the time, I am determined not to lose it again. I want to enjoy my life. I want to experience abundance so that I can share it whole-heartedly, without running dry. I want to honor the Goddess by honoring myself, and the women around me. I'm worth it. She's worth it. You're worth it. Slow down, and give yourself time to recharge.
I am doing my best to honor my Goddess, the Great Spirit, with my life. I want to be my best self while I do it, and that means loving myself just as much as I love everyone else. That means it's okay to put my own needs first. To ensure that I have the strength and endurance to be there when others need me. It's okay to teach by my example that compassion and respect belong to everyone, not just an exclusive few.
So... What will you find time for today?... what about tomorrow?
See, there's this list of "someday" goals in my head. The ones I never do find time to commit to-- ones that don't put food on the table, a roof over my head, and don't benefit anyone but me. This is where I keep my desires like spending a whole week at a bed-and-breakfast on the beach, instead of using my vacation time and money on a trip to Michigan with my family every year... The list that has my wish to learn how to make bread-- good old hearty nutty flavorful bread. My desire for a gym membership ended up on this list, too. With a limited income, a weekly lunch with the people I love is just more important, for the price. And I still haven't found energy or supplies to build that Navajo Loom I want to play with-- nor research what kind of string I'd need to warp it with. Come to think of it-- when would I have time?
I'm not willing to give up my sleep-- the whole "get up 30 minutes earlier" plan just sounds like a way to substitute one healthy thing for another when I hear it. Less sleep, but more exercise... is that really helping me? Or less sleep but more time to write, more time to meditate, more time for a walk every day, more time to fix a healthy lunch before I go to work-- Suddenly I wonder if I shouldn't just be staying up all night to find the extra time I want for ALL the things I want to enjoy in my day!
So I'm not going to give up sleep to improve my life. That's an oxymoron waiting to happen. But I do want to include more good stuff in the time that I'm awake (and fewer morons). Maybe I don't need as much time checking email before I start my day. Maybe I don't need as much time watching movies to unwind at night before bed. Maybe I need to start out slowly. Maybe I already have.
I found a book on Yoga-- it has a 5-minute routine in it. And once I made time for five minutes of yoga in my morning prep... it wasn't so hard to move up to the 15-minute version the book also offers. Heck! I might eventually work my way up to the 90-minute yoga routine the book includes before the year is gone! And I found a book called Gardener's Yoga, by Veronica D'Orazio (Sasquatch Books, 2006).
The book is split into three sections. The first section is a preparation for working the earth, and coincidentally contains about ten minutes of "getting started" Yoga poses. The second section is another ten minutes of Yoga, this time geared toward stretching out the kinks that come from all that weeding and squatting down. The last ten minute section is for the end of the day, to help your body relax after hard work. I love how well the poses flow into one another, and I love how well they are integrated into the seasons and the phases of the garden.
I've realized that the hard part about taking care of me has always been getting started. I've had trouble committing myself to spending large chunks of my time doing selfish things. And in my head, I thought of the things I want to do just for me-- like Yoga and writing and meditating and weaving... I've thought of them as a selfish way to spend my time. But on the days I do them, I'm a better worker at my day job, and I grow stronger as a person. I feel healthy, and I have more patience with the world. So for now, I may only spend ten minutes doing Yoga in the morning, but I'm learning to feel good about that. I see it as a foundation for more good things to grow from. I'm learning that taking good care of me has a good impact on the people around me, too. It's not wrong to love and care for myself. In fact, nobody else can do it better.
Even better, I've learned that there are specific poses in Yoga that are meant to unblock and open a body's Chakras-- and I'm incorporating some of the poses for stimulating the First Chakra into my routine. Maybe I didn't have to find the time so much as I had to convince myself that I am worth spending quality time on. ...And that I don't have to start doing it all at once. I certainly didn't learn that one from my mother, or my ex-husband. In fact, most women I know have a very hard time (there's that word again!!) doing things for themselves in a consistent way. There's always something more important they could be doing. But here's the challenge-- if YOU don't think you're important, nobody else will either. And that is wrong. You are important. Worth doing good things for.
I don't mean the extra chocolate bar when you've had a bad day... (well, not JUST that!) I mean that 20 minutes of uninterrupted meditation in a quiet room every night so you can sleep comfortably. I mean that hour on the phone with your family or your best friend who moved away five years ago-- every weekend, without trying to multi-task while you talk. I mean the five minutes you spend standing still to enjoy the beauty of a tree, and just BREATHE for a minute, as you rush between buildings, meetings, and soccer practice every afternoon. I mean that 10 minutes I'm spending on my Yoga every morning before work, and the effort it takes to keep a clean spot on the floor big enough to do it in. I mean refusing to stay up that extra half an hour at night to get everyone else ready for the next day-- while they sleep.
Somehow, we've learned that the job must be done right, and we're the only ones who can do the job that way. Somehow, we've agreed to take on the responsibility for the success or failure of every dream our family (even our society) has-- without including our dreams on the list. We take the leftovers. We take the hand-me-down computer. We don't ask for someone to do their share of the chores-- we ask them to help us out a little with the chores we do. We make the kids' lunch and work a 60 hour week. We scrimp and save our pennies so someone else can have their heart's desire. Someone who already spent their pennies on something frivolous and fun.
I don't mean to dishonor our sacrifices, and I know this isn't everyone's reality. I actually hold a great respect for the importance of compassion, of love. But that's just it. Compassion, Love, long-term planning, Sharing and Giving are IMPORTANT, and WORTHY OF RESPECT. And another thing I've learned-- from my own life and from watching those I love-- is that if we continue to give and give without ever replenishing ourselves, we burn out, and we eventually have nothing left to give to anyone.
So-- please-- make a difference in your own quality of life, long-term. Like ten minutes of Yoga before breakfast, or ten minutes of solitude before bed. Now that I've learned how to find the time, I am determined not to lose it again. I want to enjoy my life. I want to experience abundance so that I can share it whole-heartedly, without running dry. I want to honor the Goddess by honoring myself, and the women around me. I'm worth it. She's worth it. You're worth it. Slow down, and give yourself time to recharge.
I am doing my best to honor my Goddess, the Great Spirit, with my life. I want to be my best self while I do it, and that means loving myself just as much as I love everyone else. That means it's okay to put my own needs first. To ensure that I have the strength and endurance to be there when others need me. It's okay to teach by my example that compassion and respect belong to everyone, not just an exclusive few.
So... What will you find time for today?... what about tomorrow?
Wednesday
Lunar Eclipse
Tonight is the last full lunar eclipse for three years. Interesting.
I hope you are able to see it-- both with your eyes and through the weather where you are.
As beautiful as the Mother is at Full Moon, she is also beautiful at Full Dark-- and to have both at once as we do tonight, I think that is a portentious and gifted moment. We are so blessed to be alive at this moment, because we are alive and in tune with Mother Earth and Mother Moon and Father Sun for this moment, if for no other.
Blessings Be.
I hope you are able to see it-- both with your eyes and through the weather where you are.
As beautiful as the Mother is at Full Moon, she is also beautiful at Full Dark-- and to have both at once as we do tonight, I think that is a portentious and gifted moment. We are so blessed to be alive at this moment, because we are alive and in tune with Mother Earth and Mother Moon and Father Sun for this moment, if for no other.
Blessings Be.
Tuesday
Altars, Photos, and Surface Space
I read once, toward the beginning of my pagan journey, that most pagans/wiccans have many little altars in their homes. And I thought-- I've only got 600 square feet, there is no way I'll ever have more than ONE altar!...
But today I was looking around... well, more specifically, I started rearranging my apartment to better suit the way I live and the things I need spaces for-- and in the midst of this process, I was looking around my apartment. I've got several small altars going on. There's the one by the window, where I have my medicinal aloe plant growing, a cheerful Buddha stretching his arms up and smiling, and a great pillar candle that I light most evenings for a few hours. Then there's the "ALTAR" that I set up intentionally as such, with specific items to represent the four directions etc etc-- and I only light it when I need a spirit-boost or when I'm honoring something. And those two are just the more formal and recognizable altars in my home today.
I've got a great picture of Bast on the inside of my front door, so I bring my true self into the world, and the Goddess comes with me on my travels. Near the entry I've also hung a sun/moon carving and a string of seed beads from across the ocean to remind me of my connection to the whole world and everything in it. To remind me that the wheel turns, and there are always fresh seeds of hope to plant. There is a small wreath of grape leaves/vines that I hang over my fairly useless thermostat to make it pretty and remind me to live with Joy. I realized that my shelf of photographs are all of people who have left me in some way-- an altar of ancestors and of loss. And I moved that shelf so it isn't my primary visual focus when I meditate in my circle anymore. It's important, but I want my primary meditations to be about joy and about the life I lead today.
Next, there's a Venus figurine hanging from the rainbow cord over the doorway to my bedroom, to remind me that sex is a sacred and loving act-- and to protect me from my night fears while I sleep. I've got sacred willow branches that I put in a big vase of water, and now some of them have fresh green leaves growing-- it used to preside over my Aloe and Buddha Altar, but when I rearranged I made it more centrally located. There is a picture of the understory of a forest in Fall behind the gnarled, quirky branches that reminds me of the Wheel of the Year. I've found a few more altars of one kind or another hiding here and there, too. I love them. I smile when I see them, and their presence makes my apartment more of my spiritual home. Plus the cat, of course. She makes everything better. (even when she thinks she knows what time I need to get up better than I do, and wakes me accordingly)
It just blows me away that I've got so much beauty and symbolism and Goddess Energy in such a small space. One of my goals has been to integrate my connection with the Great Spirit Mother with the living of my life-- and when I look around my apartment now, I feel her presence. Maybe these little things are all a part of that integration process. Maybe I'm doing better than I thought. You know, when you live your life fully as yourself, everything you choose to keep in your life has a deeper meaning, or it goes away. There is no room for unappreciated belongings in the authentic life.
But today I was looking around... well, more specifically, I started rearranging my apartment to better suit the way I live and the things I need spaces for-- and in the midst of this process, I was looking around my apartment. I've got several small altars going on. There's the one by the window, where I have my medicinal aloe plant growing, a cheerful Buddha stretching his arms up and smiling, and a great pillar candle that I light most evenings for a few hours. Then there's the "ALTAR" that I set up intentionally as such, with specific items to represent the four directions etc etc-- and I only light it when I need a spirit-boost or when I'm honoring something. And those two are just the more formal and recognizable altars in my home today.
I've got a great picture of Bast on the inside of my front door, so I bring my true self into the world, and the Goddess comes with me on my travels. Near the entry I've also hung a sun/moon carving and a string of seed beads from across the ocean to remind me of my connection to the whole world and everything in it. To remind me that the wheel turns, and there are always fresh seeds of hope to plant. There is a small wreath of grape leaves/vines that I hang over my fairly useless thermostat to make it pretty and remind me to live with Joy. I realized that my shelf of photographs are all of people who have left me in some way-- an altar of ancestors and of loss. And I moved that shelf so it isn't my primary visual focus when I meditate in my circle anymore. It's important, but I want my primary meditations to be about joy and about the life I lead today.
Next, there's a Venus figurine hanging from the rainbow cord over the doorway to my bedroom, to remind me that sex is a sacred and loving act-- and to protect me from my night fears while I sleep. I've got sacred willow branches that I put in a big vase of water, and now some of them have fresh green leaves growing-- it used to preside over my Aloe and Buddha Altar, but when I rearranged I made it more centrally located. There is a picture of the understory of a forest in Fall behind the gnarled, quirky branches that reminds me of the Wheel of the Year. I've found a few more altars of one kind or another hiding here and there, too. I love them. I smile when I see them, and their presence makes my apartment more of my spiritual home. Plus the cat, of course. She makes everything better. (even when she thinks she knows what time I need to get up better than I do, and wakes me accordingly)
It just blows me away that I've got so much beauty and symbolism and Goddess Energy in such a small space. One of my goals has been to integrate my connection with the Great Spirit Mother with the living of my life-- and when I look around my apartment now, I feel her presence. Maybe these little things are all a part of that integration process. Maybe I'm doing better than I thought. You know, when you live your life fully as yourself, everything you choose to keep in your life has a deeper meaning, or it goes away. There is no room for unappreciated belongings in the authentic life.
On Tarot
I love Tarot. I especially love MY CARDS. It took me a bit of searching to find just the right pack for my beliefs and my sense of the Spirit Energy that guides me in this world. Do your homework, check out the cards, and don't let pretty art fool you into buying a pack of cards that don't actually speak to your practice as well as your pretty. I also suggest not buying used cards. You want your energy alone to rule the readings they give you.
My cards are the Medicine Woman Tarot. Which is getting harder to find, as it was one of the earlier sets of cards-- like 20-30 years ago when they were sort of unusual in America still... According to the Wise Woman who sold them to me. Who was located in a shop I'd never known existed before (even though I go to this little street of shops ALL THE TIME), and whose store seemed to contain one of everything I ever felt affinity with or really wanted my mom to buy for me as a child-- and then wanted for myself as a young adult. It was interesting to see my spirit growth laid out in the dusty corners of a small store like that. A good lesson.
I only got through half the store that day, but the few treasures I purchased there are very special to me. I felt like the Goddess had come down to let me see the trappings-- the important trappings-- of my life to this point, and to help me with my quest for Tarot, for guidance. I can't help believing that the store wouldn't be there if I tried to find it again tomorrow. I was careful not to look back at it when I left, too. It was too magickal, too exactly what I needed on that day at that moment, for me to take its existence for granted.
I've made friends with my cards since then, tracked down the Guide Book that goes with them, and learned a lot from the wisdom they present/represent. My cards are also a bit different in that they don't use the traditional pentacles/wands/swords/cups. I felt these images were from a magick tradition in which I don't take part. And were connected -- in my mind-- with Christianity so strongly that I'd have trouble feeling the hand of the Goddess upon them.
The Medicine Woman Tarot have taken religious names and symbols from all sorts of different spiritual paths-- relying most strongly on the healing images, the nature-connection within each. The goal of the cards is to aid wisdom and self-awareness. To give people the awarenesses and the lessons they need to move forward with their lives in a positive way, becoming their best selves. To this end, the minor arcana are stones, pipes, arrows and bowls. I can attach my mind to that without preconception. It lets me listen to the message as it is, and not through the filters I have developed in relation to any one specific religious or violent imagery.
I have only recently given readings to anyone but myself, and I love doing it. I also find that it is exhausting to give someone else the knowledge from the cards that is meant for them. But it is also very rewarding. Today, I gave a close friend-- a member of my Spirit Family-- a reading from the four elements circle pattern. We spent several hours on it, and she took LOTS of notes-- and I realized that the only way to strengthen my ability to be a channel for others with the cards is to keep doing it. To practice and exercise those "muscles" if you will.
It is the same with meditation, with Tai Chi, with building a Sacred Circle for your ritual, for any practical magick or herbal healing you work to perform for the good of all. And the words of the Tarot are true-- what you give, you get back. When you give, you are not giving to one person, but to the whole world, and when you get it back, it may not be in the same form-- or from the same place-- that it left you. It comes back from far away, from the world at large. It is karma, it is organic connection with all things, and it is a beautiful thought.
This sense of interconnection helps me to give even when I know the person receiving doesn't have the skill to give back to me. (This could be a lack of resources, poverty, inability to communicate clearly, no energy to spare for anything but survival needs, inability to love, or some other illness all together.) I'll get back what I give anyway, from somewhere else. And giving is important. The more you give, the more you get back, and the easier it is to do.
The four elements circle pattern, by the way, follows the drawing of the Sacred Circle, or the location and images of the four Elements. North is the physical earthly world, it is your Earth Life, and it is the time of decay/rejuvenation. It is a reading of the Life You Live on an earthly/physical plain. One card goes there. East is the rising sun, new projects and new beginnings, creativity, sexuality, wisdom carried by the wind. It is your Creative Self. One card goes there. South is your interaction with the world, your projection of self of Your Voice or your efforts and projects and how they are perceived by the world. It brings your voice to light, the fire of your personality is expressed by the card you put here. The West is the setting sun, projects completed, lessons learned, Ending and the waters of rebirth, of rest, of reward, sometimes death, in a symbolic form. It is also your spirit energy and your connection with the higher Soul/Spirit/Energy. Put one card here. Then place one card in the center.
Each of the four Elemental cards is a message-- acknowledgment of efforts and steps already taken, and messages to help you process those things and take the next step-- move toward the best possible self-- in each of these areas. You start, however, with the center card. It represents you (or the person you are reading) as they are at this moment or time in their lives. If the person you are reading does not feel this card is on target-- don't bother reading the rest of the cards, because you are not channeling for them at this time, and the reading would be a waste of energy for you both.
As I shuffle the cards, I often have one that "jumps out" or falls out of the deck. I take these as special messages for the focus of the reading, not connected with anything but a question in their minds, a message they need to hear at this point in their lives. To me, these are Goddess Cards. And I often make a pile of cards to the side of the Element Circle of Goddess Cards-- the ones that come next in the deck after the circle and center have been drawn. Sometimes it is only one card, sometimes (like today) it is four or five. Sometimes I don't pull until I've shuffled again, and sometimes enough Goddess Cards leap out that I don't bother pulling more. Often, the reading of the Circle is just a preliminary focusing of energy and opening of awareness so that the person being read can take in the greater importance of the message carried by the Goddess Cards. Sometimes the message they carry is so accurate that all we can do is laugh. And this feels good, too.
I picked a deck of Tarot cards whose focus is on learning and growing in harmony with life and with the goal of attaining the Best Self-- there are no bad cards in my deck. I know there are bad situations in life, but I think that the cards don't usually need to tell us when we've experienced them. Instead, we need the wisdom to learn, grow, and overcome the bad. To move beyond whatever is unhealthy or is holding us back in our lives-- in our creativity-- in our self-expression-- in our Spirit Journey. And this is what my Tarot cards are intended to do. For all that death is part of life and of the great circle, and ending is required to gain new beginnings, there is no Death Card in my Tarot.
This also makes it unusual.
Find what is right for you.
And Blessings Be.
-Saphoro
My cards are the Medicine Woman Tarot. Which is getting harder to find, as it was one of the earlier sets of cards-- like 20-30 years ago when they were sort of unusual in America still... According to the Wise Woman who sold them to me. Who was located in a shop I'd never known existed before (even though I go to this little street of shops ALL THE TIME), and whose store seemed to contain one of everything I ever felt affinity with or really wanted my mom to buy for me as a child-- and then wanted for myself as a young adult. It was interesting to see my spirit growth laid out in the dusty corners of a small store like that. A good lesson.
I only got through half the store that day, but the few treasures I purchased there are very special to me. I felt like the Goddess had come down to let me see the trappings-- the important trappings-- of my life to this point, and to help me with my quest for Tarot, for guidance. I can't help believing that the store wouldn't be there if I tried to find it again tomorrow. I was careful not to look back at it when I left, too. It was too magickal, too exactly what I needed on that day at that moment, for me to take its existence for granted.
I've made friends with my cards since then, tracked down the Guide Book that goes with them, and learned a lot from the wisdom they present/represent. My cards are also a bit different in that they don't use the traditional pentacles/wands/swords/cups. I felt these images were from a magick tradition in which I don't take part. And were connected -- in my mind-- with Christianity so strongly that I'd have trouble feeling the hand of the Goddess upon them.
The Medicine Woman Tarot have taken religious names and symbols from all sorts of different spiritual paths-- relying most strongly on the healing images, the nature-connection within each. The goal of the cards is to aid wisdom and self-awareness. To give people the awarenesses and the lessons they need to move forward with their lives in a positive way, becoming their best selves. To this end, the minor arcana are stones, pipes, arrows and bowls. I can attach my mind to that without preconception. It lets me listen to the message as it is, and not through the filters I have developed in relation to any one specific religious or violent imagery.
I have only recently given readings to anyone but myself, and I love doing it. I also find that it is exhausting to give someone else the knowledge from the cards that is meant for them. But it is also very rewarding. Today, I gave a close friend-- a member of my Spirit Family-- a reading from the four elements circle pattern. We spent several hours on it, and she took LOTS of notes-- and I realized that the only way to strengthen my ability to be a channel for others with the cards is to keep doing it. To practice and exercise those "muscles" if you will.
It is the same with meditation, with Tai Chi, with building a Sacred Circle for your ritual, for any practical magick or herbal healing you work to perform for the good of all. And the words of the Tarot are true-- what you give, you get back. When you give, you are not giving to one person, but to the whole world, and when you get it back, it may not be in the same form-- or from the same place-- that it left you. It comes back from far away, from the world at large. It is karma, it is organic connection with all things, and it is a beautiful thought.
This sense of interconnection helps me to give even when I know the person receiving doesn't have the skill to give back to me. (This could be a lack of resources, poverty, inability to communicate clearly, no energy to spare for anything but survival needs, inability to love, or some other illness all together.) I'll get back what I give anyway, from somewhere else. And giving is important. The more you give, the more you get back, and the easier it is to do.
The four elements circle pattern, by the way, follows the drawing of the Sacred Circle, or the location and images of the four Elements. North is the physical earthly world, it is your Earth Life, and it is the time of decay/rejuvenation. It is a reading of the Life You Live on an earthly/physical plain. One card goes there. East is the rising sun, new projects and new beginnings, creativity, sexuality, wisdom carried by the wind. It is your Creative Self. One card goes there. South is your interaction with the world, your projection of self of Your Voice or your efforts and projects and how they are perceived by the world. It brings your voice to light, the fire of your personality is expressed by the card you put here. The West is the setting sun, projects completed, lessons learned, Ending and the waters of rebirth, of rest, of reward, sometimes death, in a symbolic form. It is also your spirit energy and your connection with the higher Soul/Spirit/Energy. Put one card here. Then place one card in the center.
Each of the four Elemental cards is a message-- acknowledgment of efforts and steps already taken, and messages to help you process those things and take the next step-- move toward the best possible self-- in each of these areas. You start, however, with the center card. It represents you (or the person you are reading) as they are at this moment or time in their lives. If the person you are reading does not feel this card is on target-- don't bother reading the rest of the cards, because you are not channeling for them at this time, and the reading would be a waste of energy for you both.
As I shuffle the cards, I often have one that "jumps out" or falls out of the deck. I take these as special messages for the focus of the reading, not connected with anything but a question in their minds, a message they need to hear at this point in their lives. To me, these are Goddess Cards. And I often make a pile of cards to the side of the Element Circle of Goddess Cards-- the ones that come next in the deck after the circle and center have been drawn. Sometimes it is only one card, sometimes (like today) it is four or five. Sometimes I don't pull until I've shuffled again, and sometimes enough Goddess Cards leap out that I don't bother pulling more. Often, the reading of the Circle is just a preliminary focusing of energy and opening of awareness so that the person being read can take in the greater importance of the message carried by the Goddess Cards. Sometimes the message they carry is so accurate that all we can do is laugh. And this feels good, too.
I picked a deck of Tarot cards whose focus is on learning and growing in harmony with life and with the goal of attaining the Best Self-- there are no bad cards in my deck. I know there are bad situations in life, but I think that the cards don't usually need to tell us when we've experienced them. Instead, we need the wisdom to learn, grow, and overcome the bad. To move beyond whatever is unhealthy or is holding us back in our lives-- in our creativity-- in our self-expression-- in our Spirit Journey. And this is what my Tarot cards are intended to do. For all that death is part of life and of the great circle, and ending is required to gain new beginnings, there is no Death Card in my Tarot.
This also makes it unusual.
Find what is right for you.
And Blessings Be.
-Saphoro
Thursday
Intuition and Healing
Okay. As we all know, I am searching for community. Last night, I attended my first "community event." Sister Spirit puts on regular monthly get togethers for whoever shows up-- with a set focus for each. The one I went to focused on healing. There were four of us. Three very awesome women, and me. I'm sometimes awesome, too. =)
I learned so much from the evening! It was my first group Circle, and I learned that I fall easily into meditation, but that most Circles bring a much greater depth to their Energy Calling. I felt a lot more energy in the circle than I've usually felt on my own. Not sure what I'll do with that knowledge, but I'm definitely going to be pondering it. I also got to hear some of the songs in my tradition. That was awesome. These songs are about evocation, and not about 2.7 minutes on the radio. And we did practice healing. We worked to help each other heal within the circle.
I learned that I'm actually more intuitive than I've acknowledged about pain. Other peoples' pain. And I'm less in touch than I realized with my emotions just lately. I definitely need to work more on that. What I don't know is how to use my energy and my Connection to heal once I find the pain. My gift is in seeing the potential, and what someone else will need to do or be to reach it. It's about helping others make their own efforts on their own behalf. And the healing circle is about making the effort that someone else is unable to make for themselves.
One woman in the group knows reiki, so she did some of that. Another has such connectivity with energy that you could feel her manipulating the chakra fields of the body as she worked. Anther simply takes your pains into herself. I'd like to help her find a way to then get rid of other peoples' pains, as she currently just lets herself suffer for you. I found that I can sense and do more than I expected, and that the things I do are things I've always done-- I just never saw them as healing, and I never acknowledged them as part of Circle Work.
It was just a great evening. A good start. I definitely look forward to another. I also definitely am working on making fewer assumptions about what I am or need to do or be-- and about how others will impact me when we come into contact. But that's my personal journey, and it's proving to be a real challenge. That just means the opportunity to learn and grow is itself also greater.
I learned so much from the evening! It was my first group Circle, and I learned that I fall easily into meditation, but that most Circles bring a much greater depth to their Energy Calling. I felt a lot more energy in the circle than I've usually felt on my own. Not sure what I'll do with that knowledge, but I'm definitely going to be pondering it. I also got to hear some of the songs in my tradition. That was awesome. These songs are about evocation, and not about 2.7 minutes on the radio. And we did practice healing. We worked to help each other heal within the circle.
I learned that I'm actually more intuitive than I've acknowledged about pain. Other peoples' pain. And I'm less in touch than I realized with my emotions just lately. I definitely need to work more on that. What I don't know is how to use my energy and my Connection to heal once I find the pain. My gift is in seeing the potential, and what someone else will need to do or be to reach it. It's about helping others make their own efforts on their own behalf. And the healing circle is about making the effort that someone else is unable to make for themselves.
One woman in the group knows reiki, so she did some of that. Another has such connectivity with energy that you could feel her manipulating the chakra fields of the body as she worked. Anther simply takes your pains into herself. I'd like to help her find a way to then get rid of other peoples' pains, as she currently just lets herself suffer for you. I found that I can sense and do more than I expected, and that the things I do are things I've always done-- I just never saw them as healing, and I never acknowledged them as part of Circle Work.
It was just a great evening. A good start. I definitely look forward to another. I also definitely am working on making fewer assumptions about what I am or need to do or be-- and about how others will impact me when we come into contact. But that's my personal journey, and it's proving to be a real challenge. That just means the opportunity to learn and grow is itself also greater.
Monday
Poetry in Motion
Z.Budapest says that one should have simple prayer to greet and end the day... and on thinking about this... prayer is maybe not the right word for me, but the idea is strong in my mind. Between reading Z's blog and learning the messages of my Medicine Woman Tarot Deck, I feel inspired to share today.
(Whether or not you believe the tarot cards pulled in a 'reading' were chosen by a special force to give you a message of some sort is irrelevant. -- We take the message associated with the card, and apply it each to our own life. These views are not replacing our will to choose a path. We take the perspectives offered as valuable because they help us recognize the choices we have made, the paths we may yet walk. In this sense, you read your own fortune in the cards, regardless of the "medium"-- and you teach your own lessons. It's not about magic. It's about self-awareness.)
...so I came up with a few things...
I ask that if you make use of them in a public setting or forum, please give me credit. I ask that you use them wisely. I share this path with my Grandcestors, and their standards are high.
(Whether or not you believe the tarot cards pulled in a 'reading' were chosen by a special force to give you a message of some sort is irrelevant. -- We take the message associated with the card, and apply it each to our own life. These views are not replacing our will to choose a path. We take the perspectives offered as valuable because they help us recognize the choices we have made, the paths we may yet walk. In this sense, you read your own fortune in the cards, regardless of the "medium"-- and you teach your own lessons. It's not about magic. It's about self-awareness.)
...so I came up with a few things...
I ask that if you make use of them in a public setting or forum, please give me credit. I ask that you use them wisely. I share this path with my Grandcestors, and their standards are high.
-Dream Traveler-
Adrift on Sacred Seas of thought,
Owl's wings carry me
Through the rich dark of Grandcstor Earth.
The hearth of the Goddess
Guides me Home.
-Morning Meditations-
We are filled with Spirit Grace--
The Earth the Moon and I.
I hear Earth's rhythm
I see Earth's beauty
I taste Earth's passion
I smell Earth's season
I feel Earth's energy
I will Earth's abundance.
With the air that is her breath,
With the fire that is her joy,
With the water that is her womb,
I am filled with Spirit Grace.*
(*The air/fire/water lines are inspired from part of a Starhawk circle casting ritual in Earth Path Credit where credit is due.)
-On Resting-
My thanks to you, Great Spirit.
Grateful, Graced, Growing.
Tonight my body rests in your dark womb.
Spirit Traveler, Moon Mother.
Sacred Circle return again to the light.
Adrift on Sacred Seas of thought,
Owl's wings carry me
Through the rich dark of Grandcstor Earth.
The hearth of the Goddess
Guides me Home.
-Morning Meditations-
We are filled with Spirit Grace--
The Earth the Moon and I.
I hear Earth's rhythm
I see Earth's beauty
I taste Earth's passion
I smell Earth's season
I feel Earth's energy
I will Earth's abundance.
With the air that is her breath,
With the fire that is her joy,
With the water that is her womb,
I am filled with Spirit Grace.*
(*The air/fire/water lines are inspired from part of a Starhawk circle casting ritual in Earth Path Credit where credit is due.)
-On Resting-
My thanks to you, Great Spirit.
Grateful, Graced, Growing.
Tonight my body rests in your dark womb.
Spirit Traveler, Moon Mother.
Sacred Circle return again to the light.
I hope the circle of your days are filled with joyful awareness of the Earth and her spiral of seasons and days. The Moon, and her many faces. Each night reliving a moment that has occurred once a Moon, thirteen times a year-- the same yet ever changing-- for hundreds and thousands of years.
I hope for you that the beauty of their work fills your senses, and enters your awareness as a blessing. To live each day is a blessing. How do we show our thanks? We celebrate. We recycle. We limit our consumption. We give back good things to the earth by the ways in which we choose to spend our money, our time, our energy while we are here. We recognize that the lives and embodied knowledge of our ancestors, stretching back through the jaws of time, are the matter that compose our earth, our air, our water today.
Is this a strange concept for you? Let me show you how it works. The water rains down from the clouds to nourish our plants, our gardens, our wells and lakes. We use the water to process our sewage, to clean road filth off our cars, to water our lawns after we use chemical pesticides on them, to drink. The water from our homes and factories and gardens percolates into our rivers and streams. They flow down to the oceans. The ocean water is absorbed into the sky where it forms clouds, and rains down on us, to be used again. In this system, we get back what we put in. What did you put into the water today? What did you put into the air?
What did you put into your garden, your garbage, the landfill outside of town? You'll get it back, eventually-- or bequeath it to your children's children-- as our ancestors have done for thousands of years. We are drinking the same water that once flowed through the streets of Gamora, the jungles of Peru, the water that once rained down on Heroshima, and the fertilizer-settling pond down the road. We are the keepers of the Earth, and her resources are limited. It is a blessing to be alive in Her beauty and abundance, but it is a responsibility, too.
I'm not perfect, none of us are. But I am aware of my impact on the world, and I'm working to make it a good one.
Birth, Growth, Death, Decay, Regeneration.
And the circle continues.
Blessings Be.
I hope for you that the beauty of their work fills your senses, and enters your awareness as a blessing. To live each day is a blessing. How do we show our thanks? We celebrate. We recycle. We limit our consumption. We give back good things to the earth by the ways in which we choose to spend our money, our time, our energy while we are here. We recognize that the lives and embodied knowledge of our ancestors, stretching back through the jaws of time, are the matter that compose our earth, our air, our water today.
Is this a strange concept for you? Let me show you how it works. The water rains down from the clouds to nourish our plants, our gardens, our wells and lakes. We use the water to process our sewage, to clean road filth off our cars, to water our lawns after we use chemical pesticides on them, to drink. The water from our homes and factories and gardens percolates into our rivers and streams. They flow down to the oceans. The ocean water is absorbed into the sky where it forms clouds, and rains down on us, to be used again. In this system, we get back what we put in. What did you put into the water today? What did you put into the air?
What did you put into your garden, your garbage, the landfill outside of town? You'll get it back, eventually-- or bequeath it to your children's children-- as our ancestors have done for thousands of years. We are drinking the same water that once flowed through the streets of Gamora, the jungles of Peru, the water that once rained down on Heroshima, and the fertilizer-settling pond down the road. We are the keepers of the Earth, and her resources are limited. It is a blessing to be alive in Her beauty and abundance, but it is a responsibility, too.
I'm not perfect, none of us are. But I am aware of my impact on the world, and I'm working to make it a good one.
Birth, Growth, Death, Decay, Regeneration.
And the circle continues.
Blessings Be.
Saturday
The Cradle of the Goddess
There are many official Wiccan paths, ranging from Chaos to Georgian to Celtic and many more. And many sets of rules therefore exist for following the Goddess path. There are many Wiccans who chose to remain solitary because it allows greater freedom to experience Spirit on your own terms, and in ways that speak to YOU, and that are not spoken to you by another person-- however enlightened and educated that person may be. To those who do not follow a set tradition of practice, or who welcome practitioners from many traditions to their events and activities, the label of "eclectic" has been given. I can't think of a portion of my life that does NOT fit the term "eclectic;" I know my practice certainly does.
Many Traditions follow the rule of requiring dedicated study of the "Wiccan Tradition" under an ordained Priest or Priestess of the faith for a year-and-a-day, before one can be officially recognized as a Witch. Literally. They count. There are many covens which follow a specific Tradition, and whose traditional path you must adhere to if you are to be one with that coven. But there are many more covens who simply call their Wiccan affiliation "eclectic." This generally means that they work by group consensus, and they work what feels most appropriate for their coven-- regardless of whose tradition they may borrow from or what "rules" of a tradition they may ignore. The one rule that is never ignored is that of "An it Harm None, Do as Ye Will." It isn't about a traditional offshoot within the broad spectrum of Wicca-- it IS Wicca, in some sense. And "harming none" has a broad definition, to include trees, animals, and Gaia herself.
The witches who do not live by this rule do not call themselves Wiccan. Many of these are good people, too. They are simply less hesitant to work with the energy they have available to will that the jerk who cheated them out of $50 lose all his money. Or that the mean person who spray painted hate messages on their local schools get a bad case of tennis elbow (for example)... Revenge is a very dangerous tool. It leads the practitioner to be the wronged party, the judge, and the jury-- all in one. And in such a scenario, perspective and balance are easy to lose.
Anyway-- the reason I got into all of this is that I have definitely not been researching Pagan practice and casting meditation circles for a year and a day. Not yet. But a few nights ago, I had a spontaneous dedication ceremony. The magick involved and the Guidance I received throughout the evening... I don't know how to tell you about the intense feelings of being in the presence of grace, of great appreciation, of receiving a high honor, and of radiant joy I felt... and still feel when I think about that Circle, and the Spirit I encountered within.
There are, traditionally (I use this word when I'm making a generalization, or talking about a format that most of the authors I've read use-- but that isn't a hard-and-fast rule of the practice), several steps to a Dedication Ceremony-- and these differ somewhat from the traditional components of your basic Sacred Circle experience. After the Sacred Time was over and I'd felt the Circle wall dissipate into the air, I began to journal and record my experience-- and I realized that even though I thought I was simply going about my regular Circle-casting, etc... all the components for the Dedication Ceremony had been included in my evening, even if I wasn't intentional about the process. It made me feel better about my understanding of that evening as it unfolded.
I feel a new sense of equilibrium-- of balance-- in my outlook (and my in-look, so to speak). I also feel approval when I call myself a Witch, and a practicing Wiccan Woman. The approval of an action taken that is in harmony with my greater purpose and my intention of right-living. It is appropriate that I call myself by these names now. I don't know everything. I am not a Teacher at this point, and some mysteries are meant to simply be enjoyed for what they are. But I'm learning, and growing, all the time. And I am Dedicated to my Goddess/God in all Her forms. This connection is strong.
As my Guide said within me at the end of my Spirit Ceremony,
Blessings be, child. Blessings Be.
Many Traditions follow the rule of requiring dedicated study of the "Wiccan Tradition" under an ordained Priest or Priestess of the faith for a year-and-a-day, before one can be officially recognized as a Witch. Literally. They count. There are many covens which follow a specific Tradition, and whose traditional path you must adhere to if you are to be one with that coven. But there are many more covens who simply call their Wiccan affiliation "eclectic." This generally means that they work by group consensus, and they work what feels most appropriate for their coven-- regardless of whose tradition they may borrow from or what "rules" of a tradition they may ignore. The one rule that is never ignored is that of "An it Harm None, Do as Ye Will." It isn't about a traditional offshoot within the broad spectrum of Wicca-- it IS Wicca, in some sense. And "harming none" has a broad definition, to include trees, animals, and Gaia herself.
The witches who do not live by this rule do not call themselves Wiccan. Many of these are good people, too. They are simply less hesitant to work with the energy they have available to will that the jerk who cheated them out of $50 lose all his money. Or that the mean person who spray painted hate messages on their local schools get a bad case of tennis elbow (for example)... Revenge is a very dangerous tool. It leads the practitioner to be the wronged party, the judge, and the jury-- all in one. And in such a scenario, perspective and balance are easy to lose.
Anyway-- the reason I got into all of this is that I have definitely not been researching Pagan practice and casting meditation circles for a year and a day. Not yet. But a few nights ago, I had a spontaneous dedication ceremony. The magick involved and the Guidance I received throughout the evening... I don't know how to tell you about the intense feelings of being in the presence of grace, of great appreciation, of receiving a high honor, and of radiant joy I felt... and still feel when I think about that Circle, and the Spirit I encountered within.
There are, traditionally (I use this word when I'm making a generalization, or talking about a format that most of the authors I've read use-- but that isn't a hard-and-fast rule of the practice), several steps to a Dedication Ceremony-- and these differ somewhat from the traditional components of your basic Sacred Circle experience. After the Sacred Time was over and I'd felt the Circle wall dissipate into the air, I began to journal and record my experience-- and I realized that even though I thought I was simply going about my regular Circle-casting, etc... all the components for the Dedication Ceremony had been included in my evening, even if I wasn't intentional about the process. It made me feel better about my understanding of that evening as it unfolded.
I feel a new sense of equilibrium-- of balance-- in my outlook (and my in-look, so to speak). I also feel approval when I call myself a Witch, and a practicing Wiccan Woman. The approval of an action taken that is in harmony with my greater purpose and my intention of right-living. It is appropriate that I call myself by these names now. I don't know everything. I am not a Teacher at this point, and some mysteries are meant to simply be enjoyed for what they are. But I'm learning, and growing, all the time. And I am Dedicated to my Goddess/God in all Her forms. This connection is strong.
As my Guide said within me at the end of my Spirit Ceremony,
Blessings be, child. Blessings Be.
Force of Nature
So I have ants. I mean- I've successfully overcome 3 assaults on my home by ants intent on finding food and annoying me-- since December. It's the fourth one that got me. This time, they are swarming my baby plant sprouts. Specifically, they seem drawn to the one I dedicated to the Goddess, and that I was really really excited about. The "Renee's Garden" Mini Jack Baby Pumpkin starts, to be exact.
The persistence of the ants has led me to do a bit of meditating on the persistence of life and of life force. How unstoppable it is. How strongly it is connected to the Yin-- the water element that simply goes around any impediments, or wears them down over time, to continue it's original intended course. It appears passive or unintentional-- and yet it is this force which perseveres and overcomes to reach it's original goal time after time. The return of the ants has lead me to wonder what greater message I'm missing here. Particularly since they are focused so specifically on my "Goddess Plant." As much as I feel justified in protecting my home and my sacred spaces from invaders such as ants... they have also received the blessings of the Goddess. In fact, they work primarily at night-- by the light of Her moon! And they have a very strong sense of social responsibility. There are no solitary ants. There is no sense of self-preservation if the good of the whole is at stake.
I picked a pretty earthy green ceramic pot for my plant. Nice'n deep for those baby jack roots. I planted five seeds, as they say you should, if you have enough space around them above ground for the plants to grow into-- and because they might not all come up. I got three valiant little starts. They are already about nine inches long, with lots of pretty leaves reaching REACHING toward the sunlight that comes in through the window where they live. See-- the directions say that you shouldn't plant them (or transplant them outside, anyway) until the weather is staying above 50* all the time. So I've been waiting to take them to their more permanent home on my back patio (I live in an apartment-- 2nd floor! and I have ants!) until the nights weren't quite so chill.
After the third ant invasion about two weeks ago, I stopped spraying peppermint essential oil all over the place because I decided it just wasn't working. Big mistake. What I didn't notice was that I was spraying the windowsills where I'd been seeing the ants the first two times-- and they were no longer on the windowsills. They were now on the ceiling. Taking the most direct route they could find toward my kitchen. I still feel terrible about this-- the third time, I called the pest control guys. And even though the ants keep appearing on the ceiling and the window sills, the spray guy sprayed the baseboards. Apparently, ants have to start at the bottom and work their way up like everyone else.
Well, here we are. Two weeks later, and I've got MORE ANTS than I ever had before. And most of them are congregating on my BABY PUMPKIN PLANTS! My apartment manager tells me that if they are attracted to a plant, and I keep the plant, the ants are no longer the apartment complexes problem. So, I've found a new home for my starts-- with a good friend who will love them, even if she can't protect them from the chilly nights like I've done.
I'd no idea it would be this emotionally wrenching to consider finding a new home for my "Goddess Plant!" I know I'd been daydreaming about how these little sprouts were growing with a combination of sunshine, moonshine, and water I've used in sacred circle rituals... and I know I had plans to harvest the mini pumpkins, dry them, and use them again for All-Hallow's-Eve and Winter Solstice, and maybe even Christmas... but I obviously wasn't looking deeply at this connection I'd made between the life cycle of my plant starts and the greater wheel of days and lives.
I have, however, started spraying everything with peppermint essential oil again. Going on sheer number and speed of the ant invaders this time around-- that stuff was actually doing a VERY good job of keeping the majority of ants at bay! I bought a cheap plastic spray bottle (I recommend using a nice glass one, really)... and put about 5-10 drops of oil in for every 1/2 cup of water it holds. I wasn't messing around. That's one heck of a concentrated spray! To be really effective, you have to respray every few hours, as the oils are not nearly so effective once they dry. And remember that ants can just as easily go up and around, or down and around... so make a complete circle around whatever you are trying to protect.
And put all your foods into closed containers. If cold air won't hurt it, consider putting food you wouldn't normally keep in the fridge-- in the fridge. I'm keeping my cutting boards there for a while as well, actually. I'm even considering putting my nice beeswax candles in the fridge! There's not much in my home that can match the pure beeswax candles for sweetness. And what I have are most likely the same sugar ants that started looking here for sweet things three months ago. ...the number 3 sure has come up a lot with these guys... in fact, all the numbers connected to the situation (that I've kept track of) seem to be related to the Goddess in some way... Well, something more to ponder in my next meditation.
The persistence of the ants has led me to do a bit of meditating on the persistence of life and of life force. How unstoppable it is. How strongly it is connected to the Yin-- the water element that simply goes around any impediments, or wears them down over time, to continue it's original intended course. It appears passive or unintentional-- and yet it is this force which perseveres and overcomes to reach it's original goal time after time. The return of the ants has lead me to wonder what greater message I'm missing here. Particularly since they are focused so specifically on my "Goddess Plant." As much as I feel justified in protecting my home and my sacred spaces from invaders such as ants... they have also received the blessings of the Goddess. In fact, they work primarily at night-- by the light of Her moon! And they have a very strong sense of social responsibility. There are no solitary ants. There is no sense of self-preservation if the good of the whole is at stake.
I picked a pretty earthy green ceramic pot for my plant. Nice'n deep for those baby jack roots. I planted five seeds, as they say you should, if you have enough space around them above ground for the plants to grow into-- and because they might not all come up. I got three valiant little starts. They are already about nine inches long, with lots of pretty leaves reaching REACHING toward the sunlight that comes in through the window where they live. See-- the directions say that you shouldn't plant them (or transplant them outside, anyway) until the weather is staying above 50* all the time. So I've been waiting to take them to their more permanent home on my back patio (I live in an apartment-- 2nd floor! and I have ants!) until the nights weren't quite so chill.
After the third ant invasion about two weeks ago, I stopped spraying peppermint essential oil all over the place because I decided it just wasn't working. Big mistake. What I didn't notice was that I was spraying the windowsills where I'd been seeing the ants the first two times-- and they were no longer on the windowsills. They were now on the ceiling. Taking the most direct route they could find toward my kitchen. I still feel terrible about this-- the third time, I called the pest control guys. And even though the ants keep appearing on the ceiling and the window sills, the spray guy sprayed the baseboards. Apparently, ants have to start at the bottom and work their way up like everyone else.
Well, here we are. Two weeks later, and I've got MORE ANTS than I ever had before. And most of them are congregating on my BABY PUMPKIN PLANTS! My apartment manager tells me that if they are attracted to a plant, and I keep the plant, the ants are no longer the apartment complexes problem. So, I've found a new home for my starts-- with a good friend who will love them, even if she can't protect them from the chilly nights like I've done.
I'd no idea it would be this emotionally wrenching to consider finding a new home for my "Goddess Plant!" I know I'd been daydreaming about how these little sprouts were growing with a combination of sunshine, moonshine, and water I've used in sacred circle rituals... and I know I had plans to harvest the mini pumpkins, dry them, and use them again for All-Hallow's-Eve and Winter Solstice, and maybe even Christmas... but I obviously wasn't looking deeply at this connection I'd made between the life cycle of my plant starts and the greater wheel of days and lives.
I have, however, started spraying everything with peppermint essential oil again. Going on sheer number and speed of the ant invaders this time around-- that stuff was actually doing a VERY good job of keeping the majority of ants at bay! I bought a cheap plastic spray bottle (I recommend using a nice glass one, really)... and put about 5-10 drops of oil in for every 1/2 cup of water it holds. I wasn't messing around. That's one heck of a concentrated spray! To be really effective, you have to respray every few hours, as the oils are not nearly so effective once they dry. And remember that ants can just as easily go up and around, or down and around... so make a complete circle around whatever you are trying to protect.
And put all your foods into closed containers. If cold air won't hurt it, consider putting food you wouldn't normally keep in the fridge-- in the fridge. I'm keeping my cutting boards there for a while as well, actually. I'm even considering putting my nice beeswax candles in the fridge! There's not much in my home that can match the pure beeswax candles for sweetness. And what I have are most likely the same sugar ants that started looking here for sweet things three months ago. ...the number 3 sure has come up a lot with these guys... in fact, all the numbers connected to the situation (that I've kept track of) seem to be related to the Goddess in some way... Well, something more to ponder in my next meditation.
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