Leaning Into Life

I've been going to school and working hard to become a professional librarian. I finished my degree in December, and have spent the months since applying for job after job-- and not getting anywhere.

At the same time, I hoped one day to use my income from library world to start up my own Tarot life coaching practice, maybe even get a second degree in Counseling or something official like that. I already knew I was a gifted listener, and I read Tarot for anyone who was the slightest bit interested in it. I studied like a maniac, attending to my own personal and spiritual growth as I struggled both financially and directionally over the past few years.

Every couple of months, I'd read Tarot for myself, trying to find some affirmation out there that being a Librarian was a part of my life path to abundance and fulfillment. I know I'd be damn good at it-- and I studied long and hard to get the degree that makes me employable in my chosen field. But somehow, the Tarot readings I saw before me were never really in tune with my professional aspirations.

I finally stopped forcing myself to take steps along a now painful path, and looked at what I was doing and why I was doing it. I realized that without pain and without going out of my way, I'd acquired four or five Coaching clients-- and hadn't been invited to interview for a Library Job in something like four months. Looking closer, I saw that the clients for whom I read Tarot pay me the most, and are the most consistent of the clients I'm currently working with as a life coach.

Suddenly, it was a no-brainer to put all my energy into building a practice and a client-base for my Tarot Life Coaching NOW-- and watch for something part time to come up in the local library world, something to help pay the rent while I cement my new career. How could it have taken me five months to see this? I'd put so much of my time and energy into getting that library degree that I wanted it to mean something. I wanted to put that knowledge to use. I'm just grateful that I've seen a better path now.

The point to all this is that I finally had time to perform my birthday reading earlier this week. It was amazing how clearly the cards I pulled lined up with my new purpose and professional goals. I even feel more energy and more excitement and more certainty flowing through me every day as I work to establish myself. The cards just confirmed and affirmed what I already felt-- and it was such a relief to have them do so! The pieces of my life are falling into place wonderfully. I'm so very excited to see where this new path leads, and so very full of hope and joy for my future.

I started on the path to Librarianship with three basic goals in mind:
-To make a career out of helping people.
-To want to get up to go to work every day (even if work was hard at times, I know I have to want to be there in order to keep showing up in the first place).
-And to have a retirement fund grow from the income my job generates. (basically, for my work to pay me enough to live comfortably now AND meet future financial needs)

My new work meets the first two requirements in a much more holistic and glowing way than being a librarian ever could (though I know I'd have enjoyed it, too)... And as for my third goal? Well, only time can tell. The funny part is that by the time I realized I was ready to take the leap, I already had.

I am an Empathic Listener, and the Tarot are but one of my tools.
I connect my clients to their inner wisdom. I encourage them to be conscious of the patterns that weave through the tapestry of their lives, and assist them in clarifying and honoring their own skills, abilities, and values. I read Tarot, but I don't tell the future. Instead, I tell the present, and together we explore the possibilities of what could come next. I look forward to working with you.

Equinox, Full Moon, Eostara

This is an auspicious few days! We have an intersection between the Spring (vernal) Equinox (today), a Full Moon (tomorrow), and the official day of celebration for the Goddess Eostara, whose symbols include red, eggs, and bunnies. Officially, this became Easter, the day Jeasus rose from his cave, I think. Funny that the day of fertility, celebrating birth, mothering, and the Goddess should be turned into the day of rebirth-- but keep it's symbolic eggs, bunnies, and dyes.

I know Astarte is usually celebrated around the Winter Solstice, but I truly feel a connection to her today. As if the evening star has some greater significance in the advent of Spring. She, like Eostara, is a mother figure, and Spring is the time of birth, or rebirth of the son and the Sun... Perhaps it is not so strange that I should be drawn to Goddess as Mother at this time, then.

To celebrate, I'll be doing a bit of Spring Cleaning, taking a walk in a truly beautiful garden that bursts with fresh new leaves and growing things, and laughing with an old friend. Today it is my gift to honor the Mother that encourages me to spend time preparing my home and hearth, and to spend time honoring Spring, honoring changes and growth, new possibilities, and Creative Energy. I also intend to devote some time to my crafts today. Mixing ointments for healing, sewing a few final touches onto my latest hand-crafted Tarot Bags for PaganFaire, and of course, loving the bold beauty of the full moon as she bathes me in hope for the future and in the wilde pagan light of my ancestors this night.

The world is full of possibility, and all that is needed is hope, intention, and good living.
Blessings Be.

With the New Year

So at midnight last night, several people in my apartment complex lit fireworks, banged pots and pans, screamed, laughed, had sex (yup, heard that, too), or smoked one last cigarette (apartment below mine, and boy did it smell bad!)... It was the end of 2007 and the start of 2008.

But that's not really the schedule I follow. New Years, roman-christian style has just never been an amazing moment of connection with the world for me. It's actually a pretty young holiday, as human history goes. I celebrate Candlemas, usually February 2nd, as the first day of my New Year. It is the coming of the light, the dawning of a new cycle, the precursor to Spring. And I always feel infused with new life energy at that time of year. So that is what I celebrate.

Oddly enough, I do also agree with Wiccan teachings that All Hallows Eve is the LAST day of the old year. That is the time when we begin a deeper connection with the dead, the decomposing, with rest, sleep, decay, and remember-when's. We spend the time between November and February in a half-sleep, hibernating, sluggish, grateful, thinking about what was, and what might be next, spending time with family, talking about family (present and past), and trying to keep warm until the sunlight returns to the earth. It is the between time for me.

So I honored the Day of the dead (early November). I celebrated Winter Solstice, and had a moment of silence on December 24, looking up at the crisp dark sky, for Astarte, whose time it was, she of the holy mothers and the stars. I responded jubilantly to my friends' phone calls as midnight happened in their time zones across the world, and I stayed up to comfort my cat when all the noise started around midnight here. But for my conscious and subconscious awareness of history, time, tradition and Earth's Cycles... I will celebrate the new year on Candlemas. The year 9008, in honor of our recorded history as wise women. With wishes and goals scratched onto bay leaves, with a lighting of candles and a blessing of my home for the coming year. I will celebrate the turning of the wheel, and I will dance along the spiral that is my life path, ever deeper into the mystery.

Blessings.

The Beauty of Fertility

So speaking of fertility, I don't really plan to have children. I might change my mind, but for now-- I really like not being responsible for anyone but myself. And I like sleeping in on the days I don't work. And I like not smelling (or touching) someone else's bodily functions because they are in diapers. I like knowing that the folks who visit my home don't take a carrot to the dip, and lick the dip off, and put the carrot back in the dip again. Watch any kid under the age of about seven interact with a veggie tray, if you don't know what I mean.

Anyway, the vitality and the real beauty of fertility struck me right between the eyes yesterday. I was walking through a Garden. It was beautiful. It was magickal. There was reproduction, blooming, birds calling their mates, biology and botany, yin and yang. Here are some of the visions I encountered and stopped to breathe in:

Through the lower branches of this beautiful blooming magnolia, you can see the bright red berries of some sort of holly bush. The ripening of Spring.

This sweet bird spent about ten minutes singing his song over and over, while in the distance, I could hear his mate answering in a slightly different key. He knew I was watching, and it wasn't until I pulled out the camera that he turned away from me. I hope he wasn't offended.

Can you believe how delicate and wild these tree buds are? I can't wait to see the leaves they become! It feels as though a gentle wave of Spring is rolling through the air, and taking the branches of this tree with it.

These baby leaves were so glorious against the background of tall trees and green bushes! You could taste the energy of their laughter and zest for growth in the wind.

This is Trillium, sometimes known as "Wakerobin" for its tendency to bloom early in the Spring. It's wild, and endangered, and very sweet. Native Americans used some forms of Trillium root for medicinal purposes, and the leaves were eaten as salad greens. Unfortunately, Trillium is almost impossible to transplant, and picking the leaves will kill the plant. So please enjoy from a distance, or buy seeds for your own wildflower garden.

The leaves on this beautiful tree were a dusty red, like freckles in the sun. A couple of the leaves are just visible on the right, and a delightful purple flower just made it into the photo on the left. Happy Spring! By the way, March 20-23 was the Spring Equinox. A celebration of the moment when night and day-- light and dark-- are balanced in equal proportions. It is the celebration of the coming Spring, and of creativity at it's most inspired. It is about fertility, and regeneration. It is about Creation.

On April 30th (or May 1 in some traditions), we will celebrate Beltain-- also known as May Day, "Night of the Witches," and Walpurgisnacht. This is a very important time for witches and pagans. We celebrate the fullness of Spring, the fullness of passion. Traditionally, it was the night for young (and old) lovers to tryst in the woods and fields. The ribbons were wrapped round the Maypole in dancing celebration of the Great Rite, great bonfires are lit, and great enjoyment is had by all.

This does not mean that you must have sex to celebrate or participate in this festival. No. Instead, it means you must celebrate your sexuality and your passion-- in whatever form that takes for you. Safely, comfortably, with great enjoyment of your own experience. It could be a fantastic and wildly vibrant painting session in your back-yard studio. It could be a delicious bower of flowers, candles, and chocolate as you take a warm bath in the privacy of your own home. It could be passionate dancing in your favorite club, or a warm and well-loved group of friends laughing the night away under a wreath of colorful ribbons and colorful comments.

Whatever you do, remember... "An it harm none, do as ye will."
Blessings Be.

Coming Home

As I started my quest for understanding of this thing called "wicca," I did it out of sheer curiosity. I continued my research out of relief. I discovered over and over a feeling of coming home. I'd be reading a book or a website, and I'd say "Hey- other people do that!" or "Wow-- I thought I was the only one who felt that way!" I often found myself crying with relief at what I was reading. And I finally gave myself permission to do what feels right to me spiritually, and not what I thought my family, friends, and most of society would find acceptable.

Since the church never felt appropriate to me unless we were singing and I didn't listen to the words... I had never been troubled by the concerns my mother expressed about my 'lack' of spiritual connection. She often tried new churches around our new home when we would move-- and brought the family with her. I cannot tell you how sacrilegious I felt-- how out of place-- each time we were noticed as new comers, and asked to introduce ourselves and be welcomed into that religious community. It wasn't right for me to be there, and it wasn't right for me to let them think of me as a part of that group, and I knew it.

The more I learned about Pagan beliefs, practices, and specifically about Wicca in America, about Goddess History and our sacred connection with the Moon and the Earth and all things between... the more I recognized my own family in the descriptions. I venture to say that I come from a long line of people from many traditions who practice magick and healing-- and who fit like hot candle wax into the Pagan/Wiccan mould-- but who would never call themselves and their doings by those names.

My Grandfather was a Mason, and a healer. He taught a woman not of his family (Their rule to spread knowledge states that you can only teach someone not of your family, and not of your gender.) how to blow the heat out of burns, and to stop bleeding, among other things I don't know about, having never been initiated. He had magick hands, and we all went to him when we needed healing or comfort. The hardest thing to see as he slowly became one with the Great Crone, was the way his hands shook and refused to do his will, as the Parkinsons claimed him. When he died, his pastor came to the hospital without being called. He told the family gathered there that at the time of Grandfather's passing, he was napping, and had a dream. In his dream, my Grandfather got up from the hospital bed, and strode over to the door. (At this point, he was bedridden because he could no longer walk, and had hurt himself falling many times via the Parkinsons.) Grandfather opened the door, and there was great light shining from the other side. He turned to his pastor, and said, "THIS is how an old man walks!" and walked through into the light.

If that isn't spiritual, and regenerative rebirth in the hands of the Goddess, I don't know what is.

My Grandmother held our whole extended family together, as a great wise, loving Matriarch. We did not see the extent of her influence and efforts in our lives until Grandfather had died. She lived a full and happy life for several more years. I don't think we realized how much we owed our close-knit relationships to her until she died and there was no one to bring us all together anymore. One of my favorite stories about her inner strength and will is the way she had of turning her car off her home street and left against traffic onto a very busy very fast road in her town. The philosophy she employed was: "Wait three, then me." She'd count three cars, and then she'd turn on into the road. And she always made it safely, too.

When she died, my mother was with her in the Hospice room. It was just after sunrise-- the perfect time for my Grandmother, I think. Mom said she looked out the window, and saw two sunrises. One sun was rising below the clouds on the horizon, and she saw for a few minutes another sun rising above those clouds. She cried when she told me about it, because it was so beautiful to her. Again, I feel that this was her Spirit letting us know she was doing better than ever now, after death.

My eldest Aunt in that family became an Ordained Presbyterian Minister. She called God "Her," and worked with the parts of each ancient religion that resonated within her. She practiced traditional Christian ceremonies. She cleansed auras. She worked with the healing of the Spirit through her own inner connection with the Greater Power and through the use of essential oils and ritual cleansing. She met many famous religious leaders, and taught and learned with many many people. She began a school of Spiritual learning called CrossRoads, and published a meditation CD.

She left a geas on my parents when she died. My mother was left with all her papers and tape recorded musings-- to write the book that my aunt never managed to write about her life, learnings, and realizations about the fabric of the world. She told my Papa to make a permanent meditation platform over her grave for anyone to stop and contemplate. She fought cancer several times successfully before it finally claimed her. But even then, her Spirit was so strong-- she decided the time of her death. Noon on Christmas Day. She wanted to live through Christmas. My family is strong in death and in their connection to the Crone. For this, and many many things, I am grateful. (You know, I always want to spell it "greatful," because that's what I am-- greatly full of appreciation for the abundance in my life.)

My mother was born the fourth of five children. Her eldest sister was 9 years older, and her younger sister was 9 years younger. When Mom was born, she came into the world still protected by her amniotic sac. She was born still inside it, and had to be cut out of it to take her first breath in this life. My family has always believed that this was a symbol of my mother's purity, and spiritual connection with truth in the world. Throughout her life, my mother has prided herself on her honesty and her purity, in an earthy way, at times.

She is a gardener and a chef. I would say she is a Kitchen Witch, if she was not so intent on the Divine in its Christian form. A small wood-framed scrap of paper has hung in each of her kitchens, wherever we have lived. It says, "Don't worry spiders, I keep house casually." And she has so many wonderful old well-used wooden spoons and cast iron cooking pots, spices, organic produce, home-grown herbs and vegetables... and she has never been comfortable killing any living creature, no matter how small. Papa must catch the spiders and the laurel bugs that constantly invade their home in the woods. These days, they even prune the little orchard themselves, and prayer flags hang on the back porch to slowly disintegrate into good energy and good luck, like the wall of a sacred circle dissipating into the air.

So you see, I have grown up with so many familiar tools and rituals around me... Wicca, Witching, and Pagan Practice have indeed been the center of the spider's web for me. They bring all the pieces of my past and my practice that I most love together into a cohesive whole. The circle is complete, for all that it never ends, and for all that I will always have more to learn.

I've started my Path, and in this blog, I effect to share the Journey with you. I so wanted to know how others found their way into the Moonlight those first few months! May the wind lighten your load, cleanse your being, and bring a sparkle of Energy to your actions.
Blessed Be.