I have been sitting here-- and on GB's sofa-- for the past several days, worrying and worrying about money. Feeling that no matter how hard I tried, there would be no way to make ends meet on my own-- or even at all. And I have worried, and cried, and been generally unhappy with the way of my work opportunities and with my own inability to make things work out "right" with my budget this month.
Finally, I sent my best friend an email, with all my worry about money and my dwindling choices packed into it. With my disappointment that I couldn't make my life turn out the way I want it to-- financially.
And she called me back, and told me that her dog-- her best friend of the past thirteen and a half years, since just before she and I became friends-- her Aussie has stopped eating. She is skin and bones, and she is dying. And there is nothing my friend can do to change this reality. There is no way for her to make the outcome what she wants. That she is scared to even consider the future that waits for her after that final trip to the Vet with Aussie tomorrow morning.
And I realized how narrow my worry has been, how shallow. I realized that I am blessed in the most important parts of my life. I have my family, my cat, my friends. I am so rich in love and in having. And I wish with all my heart that my best friend and Aussie could be spared the pain of this loss, the worry and fear of this decision. I wish I could be there to hold them both at the end.
It is in the heart that the greatest tragedies are weathered, and in the heart that the greatest loves and the greatest fears are embraced. And Aussie has been my best friend's heart for so very many years now.
And after we discussed all this in a not-quite direct way, so that we could put off really feeling just how deep this pain goes, just a little longer, and only feel the beginnings of the hole Aussie is leaving in her heart... That's when my best friend turned the conversation to me, and told me that it's okay to need help. It's okay NOT to face everything alone. She reminded me that I've been facing my challenges alone my whole life-- and maybe now that GB is here, it's time to let someone help me. I don't know what it is about death that makes the living so wise... but it does.
And if tears were money, I'd never have to worry about such foolish things as budgets and banks again. I overflow with this terrible richness of feeling. How much worse it must be for her. The sorrow I feel for my friend brings understanding of just how important such a friendship is in my life. In some ways she's right-- I have overcome huge obstacles to reach this point in my life, and I've done it by myself. But yet, she herself (and others like her) has often been there supporting me. And now it is my turn.
Please let me be worthy of the gifts that fill my life. Of the deep friendships, and the trust that is so easily given to me by friends and strangers alike. And let me guide them through their pain and back into harmony with the cycle of life-- as I have been guided by them.
Please don't let Aussie suffer, and help my best friend's heart to heal.
And thank you, whoever you are, for the reminder of what is truly worthy of tears.
This is a personal journey, describing the books I've read, how I find them, what resonates for me, my directions, what I've realized. Good stories, good people, good energy. Great Goddess, what is it NOT?
Energy
Coming here recharges me. Where do you go to heal? As long as you know, I don't need to. Go there. Set aside time for YOUR HEALTH.
Likely Links
Corrections:
...And by the way, if you are a practicing Pagan or Wiccan, and I got something terribly wrong, or you want to share another version or another vision of something I wrote-- PLEASE let me know which it is, and give me the info in a comment on the related blog entry! I'll post it as quickly as possible. After all-- until I gain a free-flowing connection with Universal Knowledge, I have only my own to draw from.
Witch Word Was It?
- Yuletide/Winter Solstice: Dec 20-23; Holy night of rebirth and turning toward the light-- the longest night of the year is when we may first welcome the return of the light. Very much a Christmas Celebration.
- Widdershins: Counterclockwise. Also means "to go backwards." Used to disconnect, banish, reverse, etc.
- Wiccan: of or pertaining to the practice of Wicca-- the modern inerpretation of Witchcraft (which also exists as a seperate practice); The Good Witches
- Tripple Goddess: Most Wiccans/Witches view the Goddess as the Moon, and celebrate her three aspects: Full Moon (Mother), Waxing-- getting bigger--Moon (Maiden), Waning-- getting smaller and the darkness of no moon-- Moon (Crone).
- Tools: Well, with Christian religions, many people wear a cross on a necklace, or hang a likeness of Jesus on the cross on their wall. They might finger rosary beads or light a candle to add power to a prayer or blessing. Well, in Wicca, we have tools and symbols, too. Ours are just anywhere from 2,000 to 8,000 years older than theirs. We have our altars to help us focus on the Great One they represent, and our sacred stones to finger while we meditate or conteplate the Goddess. We light candles to add power to our spells or blessings. We hang brooms and dried herbs on our walls to signify our connection with the Earth or to help us meditate on our own personal version of Abundant Living. We have sacred cups to drink holy water from, and we ritually cleanse and consecrate our sacred tools, too. But it is a totally different energy and purpose we invoke. It is not about some far off GOD, it is about ourselves and our Will and our Goddess.
- Spring Equinox/Eostara: March 20-23; Time of balance, when the light and dark visit in equal measure and the Earth swells with new life. Symbols (prior to the invention of easter) are Egg and Hare-- fertility and new life-- as the world is reborn.
- Skyclad: Means Naked. Some of the more "traditional" forms of Pagan worship require you to go naked. But only some.
- Sacred Circle: it is the temple in which a wiccan worships-- but it is a temple of Energy and Spirit, and we create it and dismantle it each time we go to worship or meditate. It is to help us focus our energy and our magick, and to provide a safe space in which to be and do.
- Sabbat: Wiccan/Pagan holyday, of which there are eight each year.
- Ritual: any activity you plan in advance, or do in a Sacred Circle, to aid connection with Spirit. In Pagan and Wiccan belief systems, this usually includes dancing, singing, lighting candles, and calling on the four or five elements. No sacrificing a cat at midnight. We hold life to be sacred-- as a part of the inevitable cycle of birth, growth, death, decay, and regeneration.
- Pentacle: the five-point star, point-up, inside a circle. This is the traditional witch's symbol, a symbol of power and protection, and representative of the five elements and the sacred circle (and sometimes the Moon).
- Pagan: Usually an Earth-Centered Religion, the word once refered to people living on the outskirts of villages-- people who lived on the land, so to speak.
- Night of the Witches/Beltane: May 1; as is the Mayday tradition, this is a festival of passion, complete with winding round the maypole, frolicking in fields and forest... the night of the Great Rite, and one of the most important Wiccan Holydays.
- NeoPagan: The modern interpretation and recreation of ancient Pagan religions; the label we often use to encompass Wicca, Witchcraft, Fairie, COG, Native American Spiritualities, Native Alaskan, Native etc, Shamanic, Druidic, etc
- Midsummer/Summer Solstice/Litha: June 20-23; the longest day of the year, and thus the day the year begins to wane (to grow shorter and darker). A festival of growth, high magick, and change.
- Lammastide/Lughnasadh: August 1st; First of the three harvest festivals. This marks the end of summer and the first harvest of the grain. We give thanks for the bounty of the harvest, and begin preparations for winter.
- Esbat: monthly coven meetings.
- Elements: Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Spirit. These have many representations, and I've seen three different versions of which direction is which element. Because the books I most respect to date all agree, I work with North as Earth, East as Air, South as Fire, and West as Water.
- Deosil: Clockwise-- often used to describe the direction of walking to cast a Circle, calling on the Elements (N-E-S-W-N), or stirring a concoction. It is the direction of connection and embodyment, of manifesting that which you are meditating upon.
- Coven: a group of Witches or Wiccans who practice their Spiritual Celebrations and rituals together. A group of really close friends who share their spiritual journey.
- Candlemass/Imbolic: Feb 2; Feast of Lights. This marks the return of Spring. It is a time of cleansing, purification, and preparation for the abundance to come in the new year.
- Autumnal Equinox/Mabon/Harvest Home: Sept. 20-23; Night and day are again equally balanced. Rest, feast, rejoice and give thanks for the second harvest festival of the year.
- Aspects: While most of us believe there is only one Goddess, we use her many names to describe an aspect of the Goddess that we most want to connect with or draw energy from. One aspect might be Hestia-- the Greek Goddess of Hearth and Home. One might be Kali, the forceful protectrice from India. One might be Brigid-- the tripple Goddess from Irish Celtic lore. And so on.
- All Hallow's Eve/Samain: October 31; The third harvest festival, and the last day of the Witche's year. A time to honor departed ones and play host to Spirits. In this aspect of the year, the Goddess is the Crone, and the veil between worlds is thin. It is our oldest and most sacred Sabbat, as it honors death and life, the present and the past. Restore your soul and await rebirth at Yule.
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