When I was a little girl, my mom taught me to ignore the annoying kids in my class, and maybe then they'd get bored and go away. As a strategy, it worked fairly well. Certainly, the parents and teachers loved my "adult approach" to problems.
By the time I was in third grade, I was such a good little two-shoes that the teacher, Mrs. Z, put me in the seat between two of the most disruptive goof-offs in class. Both named Aaron. Problem was that they were funny and interesting, and the conversations that went on behind my head weren't always that easy to ignore. I tell you, bad boys just have more fun.
In sixth grade, a boy with a really tough life figured he could out-annoy my tactic of "ignore and avoid." And eventually, he was right. I caught the attention of a teacher and explained the challenge I was having with locker-access between classes, since JO was always there to slam the locker shut for me again. When the teacher explained to JO that his homeroom teacher was my dad... Well, he left me alone after that. And I continued to ignore him.
In eighth grade, a different boy went straight from annoy to abuse. And no matter how hard I ignored him, I still went home from school every day with extra bruises. Eventually I again approached a teacher for help. This time it took a while, but eventually the kid's parents decided it was in his best interests to pretend I didn't exist, and I was allowed to get on with my life. We both worked hard to ignore and avoid each other for the whole four years of high school, where we both played violin in Orchestra class every day.
My first serious boyfriend was in high school... And he often forgot to show up for our planned dates and get-togethers and such. He often ignored my phone calls, too. I worked very hard to ignore the things I didn't like in our relationship because I wanted to succeed with him the same way I'd learned to succeed in school as a little girl. His other girlfriend-- when I found out about her-- was a bit harder to overlook. So I decided to ignore them both.
Add six years, a different guy, a wedding... and you have my marriage. In which I learned to ignore my own needs, my feelings, and my right to be treated with respect. Because that was the only way my marriage was going to succeed. And I didn't want to be the bad guy. Ignore the annoyance-- the way the boy in the seat next to you is goofing off and making bad choices in his life and generally distracting you from your work and your goals-- and it'll stop. Right?
So here I am. Knowing already that I am not Cinderella (in other words, no magic wand or prince charming to make it all better)... And I am facing the fact (again) that my most-used coping mechanism for things that bother/annoy/frustrate me... is to ignore them, and hope they go away. Some life skill. It didn't work in my marriage. It sure isn't working on my financial and job woes. Or on my cat's arthritis, come to that. And it's all gotten a bit over my head, really... But the thing I just tripped over is the realization that there's no teacher to go to for help on this one... And the last few teachers (or Argmy Commanders) I went to weren't always that helpful in the situation anyway.
So now I'm thinking--
Maybe we should teach little girls Aikido or Brazilian Ju-Jitsu, and encourage them to confront life's frustrations HEAD-F*ING-ON!! Because we sure aren't doing them any favors by training them to believe that being nice and pretending the problem doesn't exist will make everything in their life okay.
I'm just saying is all...
This is a personal journey, describing the books I've read, how I find them, what resonates for me, my directions, what I've realized. Good stories, good people, good energy. Great Goddess, what is it NOT?
Energy
Coming here recharges me. Where do you go to heal? As long as you know, I don't need to. Go there. Set aside time for YOUR HEALTH.
Likely Links
Corrections:
...And by the way, if you are a practicing Pagan or Wiccan, and I got something terribly wrong, or you want to share another version or another vision of something I wrote-- PLEASE let me know which it is, and give me the info in a comment on the related blog entry! I'll post it as quickly as possible. After all-- until I gain a free-flowing connection with Universal Knowledge, I have only my own to draw from.
Witch Word Was It?
- Yuletide/Winter Solstice: Dec 20-23; Holy night of rebirth and turning toward the light-- the longest night of the year is when we may first welcome the return of the light. Very much a Christmas Celebration.
- Widdershins: Counterclockwise. Also means "to go backwards." Used to disconnect, banish, reverse, etc.
- Wiccan: of or pertaining to the practice of Wicca-- the modern inerpretation of Witchcraft (which also exists as a seperate practice); The Good Witches
- Tripple Goddess: Most Wiccans/Witches view the Goddess as the Moon, and celebrate her three aspects: Full Moon (Mother), Waxing-- getting bigger--Moon (Maiden), Waning-- getting smaller and the darkness of no moon-- Moon (Crone).
- Tools: Well, with Christian religions, many people wear a cross on a necklace, or hang a likeness of Jesus on the cross on their wall. They might finger rosary beads or light a candle to add power to a prayer or blessing. Well, in Wicca, we have tools and symbols, too. Ours are just anywhere from 2,000 to 8,000 years older than theirs. We have our altars to help us focus on the Great One they represent, and our sacred stones to finger while we meditate or conteplate the Goddess. We light candles to add power to our spells or blessings. We hang brooms and dried herbs on our walls to signify our connection with the Earth or to help us meditate on our own personal version of Abundant Living. We have sacred cups to drink holy water from, and we ritually cleanse and consecrate our sacred tools, too. But it is a totally different energy and purpose we invoke. It is not about some far off GOD, it is about ourselves and our Will and our Goddess.
- Spring Equinox/Eostara: March 20-23; Time of balance, when the light and dark visit in equal measure and the Earth swells with new life. Symbols (prior to the invention of easter) are Egg and Hare-- fertility and new life-- as the world is reborn.
- Skyclad: Means Naked. Some of the more "traditional" forms of Pagan worship require you to go naked. But only some.
- Sacred Circle: it is the temple in which a wiccan worships-- but it is a temple of Energy and Spirit, and we create it and dismantle it each time we go to worship or meditate. It is to help us focus our energy and our magick, and to provide a safe space in which to be and do.
- Sabbat: Wiccan/Pagan holyday, of which there are eight each year.
- Ritual: any activity you plan in advance, or do in a Sacred Circle, to aid connection with Spirit. In Pagan and Wiccan belief systems, this usually includes dancing, singing, lighting candles, and calling on the four or five elements. No sacrificing a cat at midnight. We hold life to be sacred-- as a part of the inevitable cycle of birth, growth, death, decay, and regeneration.
- Pentacle: the five-point star, point-up, inside a circle. This is the traditional witch's symbol, a symbol of power and protection, and representative of the five elements and the sacred circle (and sometimes the Moon).
- Pagan: Usually an Earth-Centered Religion, the word once refered to people living on the outskirts of villages-- people who lived on the land, so to speak.
- Night of the Witches/Beltane: May 1; as is the Mayday tradition, this is a festival of passion, complete with winding round the maypole, frolicking in fields and forest... the night of the Great Rite, and one of the most important Wiccan Holydays.
- NeoPagan: The modern interpretation and recreation of ancient Pagan religions; the label we often use to encompass Wicca, Witchcraft, Fairie, COG, Native American Spiritualities, Native Alaskan, Native etc, Shamanic, Druidic, etc
- Midsummer/Summer Solstice/Litha: June 20-23; the longest day of the year, and thus the day the year begins to wane (to grow shorter and darker). A festival of growth, high magick, and change.
- Lammastide/Lughnasadh: August 1st; First of the three harvest festivals. This marks the end of summer and the first harvest of the grain. We give thanks for the bounty of the harvest, and begin preparations for winter.
- Esbat: monthly coven meetings.
- Elements: Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Spirit. These have many representations, and I've seen three different versions of which direction is which element. Because the books I most respect to date all agree, I work with North as Earth, East as Air, South as Fire, and West as Water.
- Deosil: Clockwise-- often used to describe the direction of walking to cast a Circle, calling on the Elements (N-E-S-W-N), or stirring a concoction. It is the direction of connection and embodyment, of manifesting that which you are meditating upon.
- Coven: a group of Witches or Wiccans who practice their Spiritual Celebrations and rituals together. A group of really close friends who share their spiritual journey.
- Candlemass/Imbolic: Feb 2; Feast of Lights. This marks the return of Spring. It is a time of cleansing, purification, and preparation for the abundance to come in the new year.
- Autumnal Equinox/Mabon/Harvest Home: Sept. 20-23; Night and day are again equally balanced. Rest, feast, rejoice and give thanks for the second harvest festival of the year.
- Aspects: While most of us believe there is only one Goddess, we use her many names to describe an aspect of the Goddess that we most want to connect with or draw energy from. One aspect might be Hestia-- the Greek Goddess of Hearth and Home. One might be Kali, the forceful protectrice from India. One might be Brigid-- the tripple Goddess from Irish Celtic lore. And so on.
- All Hallow's Eve/Samain: October 31; The third harvest festival, and the last day of the Witche's year. A time to honor departed ones and play host to Spirits. In this aspect of the year, the Goddess is the Crone, and the veil between worlds is thin. It is our oldest and most sacred Sabbat, as it honors death and life, the present and the past. Restore your soul and await rebirth at Yule.
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